Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Our minds are like houses. When they're new, they're empty. As we live our lives we acquire treasures that eventually turn into shit that creates clutter. Some of this stuff is useful, while some of it is simply junk which just creates obstacles for us. What if we could eliminate the nonsense we don't need, and create more room for useful things? Join us on this podcast where we discuss removing what we don't need, implementing beneficial changes to our minds, bodies and souls, to create a life of abundance and fulfillment.
Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Ep. 104 - When You Say It Out Loud, You're More Likely To Follow Through
What invisible force makes us more likely to follow through on our commitments when we share them with others? The Clean Your F*cking House team dives deep into the psychology of accountability and how declaring intentions transforms abstract goals into concrete actions.
When Kevin announced his plan to order business cards for his coaching practice, he found himself scrambling at the last minute before our recording – not because anyone would punish him, but because "I didn't want to let you guys down." This simple yet profound motivation unlocks a key insight about human behavior: we're far more driven by social commitments than personal ones.
The science backs this up. Your chance of achieving a goal jumps from 10% to 20% simply by telling someone about it. As we check in on last week's declarations – from Kevin's business materials to Lou's walking routine and Nancy's weight training – we witness this accountability effect in real-time, complete with the stumbles, adaptations, and victories that make goal-setting a deeply human experience.
We explore practical strategies for making accountability work in your life: attaching new habits to existing routines, starting with manageable commitments, and choosing accountability partners whose opinion genuinely matters to you. Even when we fall short of our declared intentions, the very act of sharing them creates momentum that wouldn't exist otherwise.
Whether you're trying to build a fitness routine, launch a side business, or finally tackle that project you've been avoiding, the simple act of declaring your intention to someone you respect might be the missing ingredient. Listen as we make fresh declarations for the coming week, then join us by making your own commitment and experiencing the accountability effect yourself.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House, bitch, with Nancy, kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody, welcome to Clean your Fucking House. We today are going to do a part two on declarations, and you may not have heard our most recent episode, but when we wrapped we gave declarations of a thing that was important to us to do in the next week or to accomplish. So I think I skated out without making one because neither of the guys asked me, so I let it roll, but the guys made declarations. Let it roll, but the guys made declarations, and so we're going to check in on how, by setting their intentions, that turned out for them. Who?
Speaker 3:wants to go first I can go. So my declarations were to get my brochures and business cards ordered for my coaching business. I think that was it. I don't think there was anything else. And I did successfully get them ordered, which is something I've been putting off for like the longest time, and, as usual, I had an extremely busy day today.
Speaker 3:I got home later than normal and I knew we were meeting to record this episode. But even on top of that, I was like I need to get these damn things ordered because I said I was going to do it and I was thinking it would come up like and I didn't want to approach it with needing to say, oh, this and that, like I fucking had I could make the time right. So I ended up just getting it done. It was like more powerful than you would think, just like saying it and putting it out there verbally with people that you trust and that trust you. I don't know, it was like I'm not gonna get in trouble with you guys, right, like our listeners aren't going to care. They'll probably relate more to not getting it done, most of them, but like I don't know. Just something about stating it and then not wanting to let myself or you guys down.
Speaker 2:That's empowerment at its best, right. But I do have a question for you. So, because what I'm hearing is and I don't want to rain on your joy here like you're proud of yourself and you should be high five, but you're talking about today, so what got in the way of doing it earlier in this week? Life okay, so like nothing, nothing nothing out of the norm I have the time. I think that's valuable for all of us to hear.
Speaker 3:Wait, wait, the headshot. Oh, the headshot was the main thing and that's why I've been procrastinating this entire time. I remember now I ended up doing that on I don't know whatever day, lou, and then I was texting you like what app did you use to do this and that? And like I was trying to clean it up, make it look good, like we have a good camera, but I want it to look, you know, semi-professional, I think it was over the weekend.
Speaker 3:But once I got that done, then I have a coworker helping me with the design of my brochure and she got back in town. Monday she was out of town. So you did start to procrastinate as much as I was thinking I did, but still I could have gotten it done quicker.
Speaker 2:Do you know what? I think that's interesting too, because that's another thing we humans tend to do to ourselves, and the way you were talking about it, even before we started recording, was you even said I procrastinated, I waited, but I got it done. Yet you didn't give yourself credit for taking the steps, doing the part last week, getting your person that you're collaborating with involved. You know like you didn't give yourself enough credit and you're hard on yourself.
Speaker 3:That's true, I am.
Speaker 1:So, you know, one thing you said that I think is very powerful, as you shared with you, as I know it's with me, I'm sure with Nancy, and quite frankly I'm sure it would resonate with our listeners is I thought I might get in trouble if I didn't with you guys, and probably more so I didn't want to let you down. I think you may have even phrased it that way, I didn't want to let you down, which is powerful. At work, we have deadlines, so there is a bit of a I don't want to say forced, but for whatever reason that gets us moving Deadlines, meetings, things that you know you have to get so much done each day to kind of stay on top of things. It literally kind of forces you to do them.
Speaker 1:If we treat it some aspects of our personal life with the things we want to achieve in our personal lives and arguably some of what you're currently achieving is leading to growth in a professional way, but still it's not anything right now that is forcing you to stay, from a work perspective, like again someone that you need to a boss. You are your boss. Having Nancy and I there for you in this way to kind of act like a boss again, is is very, is very powerful for anyone. So that accountability buddy aspect I know we've talked about that before is is very popular. Because you know what I felt the same way. I'm like shit. I don't want to let kevin and nancy down by not getting the shit done that I said I would.
Speaker 1:Don't piss us off lou, yeah I know when it and, and you know, and of course, when it's friends and family, close friends, because you know, oftentimes some of my family aren't that close, but um, uh, it, it just, it's even stronger you know what's interesting?
Speaker 3:so it's it's kind of uh, synchronistic. I had a meeting today with one of my owners and a lot of it was kind of putting on the coaching hat and trying to figure out what intrinsically would motivate this individual to do some of the things that they don't have to do but they should be doing to grow the business. And I was just asking a lot of open-ended questions and they identified like I get things done that I have to get done. If there's a customer that's expecting work to be done, 100% it gets done, no excuses, nothing gets in the way. It's those things that you don't really have to answer to anybody and maybe there's no immediate gratification or immediate ROI on the objective, but it's still important to do so.
Speaker 3:We were trying to like unpack that and as simple as saying to two people in my life on the last episode like this is what I'm declaring and I'm going to get it done. Like it really did add an additional layer of like importance and timeliness, right, like there was a deadline. I knew we would be meeting today. So it's just interesting. I think it is a very ubiquitous concept that so many of us deal with the things we want to do and we know we should do. But we just don't have to answer to anyone if we don't do it except ourselves.
Speaker 2:You know, there's evidence. We've talked about it before and I think it came from Stanford, maybe Harvard it before, and I think it came from Stanford, maybe Harvard. Anyway, it's about if you have a goal, you're 10% likely to make it. If you tell someone, it turns into 20% if you write it down. No-transcript accountability buddy yeah, really yeah huh. So you just kind of played that out for real, in real life. That's just kind of how it seemed to map out for you.
Speaker 3:I wonder what it I wonder what it is. Do you think it? I guess you could let us know if you've read the study but like, is it just the fact that we'll make excuses when it's just us and like we don't do it? So then we're like we start maybe kind of beating ourselves up a little bit like I know I should but then you just distract yourself or you're like oh well, I'm tired, or this or that, whereas if someone is like even giving you a call to follow up on something, I think the level of disappointment at least that I would feel to tell a person that's counting on me to get something done, like to tell them, that would impact me way more than just me by myself thinking about the disappointment. Maybe that it's you're bringing it more into physical reality. I don't know. What do you think?
Speaker 2:Well, it's interesting that you say that I didn't read the study. I love the statistics and I'm trusting in them. However, what I've noticed in myself is that accountability carries even more value with someone I respect versus someone I just have to do something for, and I'm I have more desire to do the thing for the someone that I hold more value in. So I don't I don't have the answers, but I think it's interesting and I've seen that shift and change.
Speaker 1:You know that also kind of speaks to the mere power itself of connections, networking and so forth. You know, in this post-COVID world where much of how we now operate is from a virtual perspective, less in person, it is also easy to lose the value of those human connections, how they drive us in various ways. You know, simply let's use literally the example of the three of us If we operated out of a physical studio and all had to meet in person, I'm sure we would be dressed a little differently.
Speaker 2:You know I mean today, on, when no one can see me, which is fine, on the probably the worst looking dad I've ever had you know, but there's there's things that you know.
Speaker 1:I hate to put it, say this, but as much as working from home, I save time, in some ways I also lose a bit of the, a bit of the value I had in actually showing up on the job, and what I mean by that is the I don't necessarily need to shower every day, I don't have to, you know, dress up in the business casual attire and be there at a certain time, et cetera. Now, granted, I'd probably put in more hours because the work laptop is right here, but I also spread it out over a longer day. It's still maybe eight hours, just spread out over a longer day. But bottom line is again that knowing you got to get there at a certain time and all that, and again the human connections, just adds a different layer of oomph, motivation.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Ursa is Ursa word Cause I know inertia. We'll make it a word Opposite of inertia Ursa. Kind of gives you that Ursa you need.
Speaker 2:Awesome. So what kind of Ursa was in play to support your goal, Lou?
Speaker 1:Excellent question and I'll share that my challenge for the past two years. And actually, let me take a step back first and share with our listeners who may not know I don't know if we shared this with them last week. I know we shared the concept of declarations. I can't recall if we shared our actual declarations, but mine was to get back to a regular fitness routine and in particular, I was going to start with just some walking, get myself out there and get walking again.
Speaker 2:It was three days for 30 minutes each, which is fantastic. I'm just saying the goal was three days.
Speaker 1:Yes, Goal was. So goal was three days, 30 minutes. Now I'd also like to add some context to this for our listeners is that back in 2018, I went through a specific type of weight loss control program that Nancy and I are both familiar with. It's called some Sanos and it's a different kind of weight loss program, but I went through the program, lost close to 50 pounds, which you know was pretty good and felt good, looked good, was in a very regular workout routine schedule and even doing things that I'm like wow, at my age I can't believe I'm doing some of this type of physical activity. Long story short is I maintained that fitness regimen for many, many years.
Speaker 1:Lost it about a few years ago when I got, when I changed jobs. That act of changing jobs just shifted my life in a way that put my physical activity on the back burner. Lo and behold, as we both know, as time goes on, getting back to something becomes more and more and more difficult. So, getting back to the current declaration, baby steps Okay, you know what my plan is to really get back to a little bit, doing more of what I did before, but I'm going to start small. So, three times a week, walk in for 30 minutes. What I did is one.
Speaker 1:I am sorry to report that I did not complete all three times, but to help me to at least start it, while my vision is again to have it begin and end like a certain time of day, to make that a regular thing, a routine, a habit is, I hooked it to a couple of other activities that I already had going on, both of which involved me needing to go to appointments.
Speaker 1:Basically, there were appointments. So I said you know what, while my ass is already out of the house, up and about walking around, let me just take that walk even further and keep it going. So I had a few appointments and simply hooked that part, that activity, to those and, you know, got a start. Nice. So it's an accomplishment and, similar to what you just shared with Kevin, it's like, well, don't beat yourself up over it. But in some ways I'm like well, you know, my goal is really to have this be a regular, get up at this time and go then. But I'm like you know what? I do agree with you. I started and that's better than not.
Speaker 2:You feel good about starting.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:There you have it.
Speaker 1:I used to also do like back when I was. My workout routine, I think, started at 5.00 AM, which is like what Kevin's is now, and I also did a after dinner walk, because what better way to work off?
Speaker 2:Yeah, metabolism it raises your metabolism.
Speaker 1:So I also want to. I think that's actually the timeframe I'm going to target this specific declaration. I was just going to target for this specific declaration.
Speaker 2:I was just going to ask. So, looking forward, what makes sense? Yeah, and that's it Until the vision is still to have a morning routine, but I think starting an after-dinner routine is a great way to get myself there. I love that. I love that. It doesn't have to matter. I could start after dinner and my morning will come eventually, and just be okay with that.
Speaker 1:Yep Certainly helps that the weather is nicer now, which also prevents excuses. You know we talked about it's easy to make excuses and whatnot, but can't make an excuse for that.
Speaker 2:Actually, as I think about it, I did make a declaration. I just didn't write it down because I was doing five minutes a day and I had marked it on my calendar and I wanted to use my weights, my five minutes a day. And this week I could tell you so far it's happened twice. So not every day, today's, not over. It could still happen today and that could be three or four days, but do it right now.
Speaker 1:I could, while we're talking, yeah, and I'd like to actually learn Are we talking like you're carrying around a couple of dumbbells while you? Or are we talking like ankle weights, like what are we talking here?
Speaker 2:No, they're. Yeah, they are free weights, they are dumbbells, and I do a variety of different exercises with them, so I can target a variety of muscle groups as well, including squats.
Speaker 1:Okay, nice.
Speaker 2:Gotta work, bicep, tricep obliques.
Speaker 3:Glutes so fit.
Speaker 2:Hammies, it's all talk. No, I try.
Speaker 1:Well, some of what all of us talked about prior to coming on this call was throwing in a couple of, say, added dimensions of of the declarations activity that we're all sharing with you, our listeners. And Nancy, you talked about procrastination, a common concept, a popular topic. I know we've talked about it several times. I don't know if you've ever shared the ubiquitous is that the right word Procrastination cycle with our listeners at any time. But what if either of you did procrastinate? Can you recall, like say, what some of the drivers were? Was it, you know, getting back to say, oh, just putting it off another day?
Speaker 2:Or was there anything in particular that I personally can say I think it was just a level of busyness so that, um, I was distracted from doing that, um, this has been a particularly busy week and so I just haven't made that effort. But I can also, looking back, realize that the day I didn't do it, I did do a three mile power walk that day, so you know, something happened mile power walk that day.
Speaker 3:So you know something happened. I think for me it's busyness mostly too. Some days I'm just like I'm exhausted after work and thinking about it now like I don't know if it's actually work or if it's a habit of being or feeling exhausted when I get home Cause like I haven't sat down yet and I'm perfectly energized to like get shit done.
Speaker 2:So maybe it's just needing to get over that mindset and maybe leaving work at work a little bit better, separating from it, focusing on things that excite me to be able to get shit done what you're saying makes so much sense, and I was literally just talking about this yesterday with someone where we were recognizing that the the same kind of tiredness occurs when you exert physical energy and when you've, like, exerted a lot of mental energy and you feel as physically tired, which is so odd. But to your point, if, if you can shift your mindset to the fact that you have open time and you don't want to let that mental weight get in the way of doing something, yeah, you have to think about it, consciously, choose.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've been trying to be more like.
Speaker 3:I've been attempting to focus on being more present and mindful, like random reminders, trying to just get myself into the habit of not being an autopilot, and so part of that for me, like is being present, but then also making sure that I'm concentrating on a vision that I have or goals that I want to achieve and, like I know all the steps, I know all the things, it's just a matter of executing.
Speaker 3:So I think I mentioned on the last episode that I was wanting to put things in my calendar, like specific time slots, and be very organized. I haven't done that yet, but I've been just trying to chip away at little things, especially the items that I've procrastinated on the longest, because I feel like there's a large sense of accomplishment that comes with knocking those things out Always. But just, really, it is like I'm trying not to beat myself up too much, knowing that I'm getting more done now. Like, lou, for you, like, even though you didn't accomplish what you thought you would or you wanted to work towards, like you still shifted things up a little bit, you know, and that's what I'm trying to do is just trying to like chip away at things and not put so much pressure on myself.
Speaker 2:You know, here's the other thing, I think, when you talk about what gets in the way, yet also conscious choice. So what else happened in this week for me was that I had some follow-up doctor appointments I needed to make from an appointment in May and here we are at the end of June. I haven't done it and I was thinking I don't want to end this month without having made progress towards that. So where I might, that contributed to part of the busyness that got in the way of the physical activity. Yet it came to a point where that became more important and I had to choose one or the other and take action, and so I wasn't in a place of just not accomplishing anything or being productive or just letting it go because I didn't feel like it. I was prioritizing and choosing and I had to pick and choose.
Speaker 3:Which happens.
Speaker 2:We have to be okay with it too. I think we have to be okay with that.
Speaker 3:I think it gets more challenging Not something that I feel like has happened too recently, but I feel like it used to happen. All the time is, I would procrastinate for no good reason and then I'd finally be like you know, I'm gonna go get this thing done or I'm gonna take some action. Then something real pops up and I'm like I'll fuck. Okay, of course. Right. Then I still feel like shit, even though I am prioritizing, because I had already procrastinated and was ready to like take that step but couldn, couldn't. Now it's like it was like double grief, I was feeling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's kind of brutal. That is when you want to kind of kick yourself in the butt and you're like, okay, I did sit on my ass for a little too long maybe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is why and we say this so many times just the getting started part is the toughest. Once you build a routine around something, for whatever reason, even with life's emergencies, which are still going to happen, we manage to get them in. Yeah, it's, you know. In it I always the analogy that comes to mind. I don't know if analogy is the right word, but the example of something that comes to mind that is really a forced situation of moving us towards something is, say, getting a getting news from the doctor about a health condition that forces you to take action. You need to stop smoking, you're going to die in a year, you need to eat less fatty food or your heart's going to stop whatever. Then we take the action. But it's like you know, I don't know, maybe, maybe I'll ask my doctor to just give me bad news.
Speaker 3:That's kind of that same situation that we were talking about earlier of not having a choice, yeah, needing to do it, yeah, yeah, that's like like there's not an option. Now.
Speaker 1:I mean there's an option but a bad ending or whatever although I know all of us are more fans of the carrot than stick and that is really more of a stick than a carrot. It and we always say you know the gratification and satisfaction one receives from actually doing something and accomplishing something is so valuable and priceless which is more of a carrot than a stick.
Speaker 3:I kind of feel like I understand what you're saying and I get like the stick with the carrot and then like the dog or horse chases it Right, Like no, I think it's your doctor bashing your head?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's pulling you forward.
Speaker 1:Oh see, I hear it is positive incentive and the stick is negative holding the carrot in front of the horse with the stick with the same stick that's used to crack your head with. Okay, wow, is that another thing that's now changed in the world, where these old cliches don't apply to the I think they apply.
Speaker 2:They didn't come from gen the.
Speaker 1:Gen Zs and millennials.
Speaker 2:They may not have heard of them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Kevin's not aware, are we doing more declarations? Because I'm pretty pumped up now, I say sure.
Speaker 2:Let's hear your declaration.
Speaker 3:I am going to get my brochures set up in an office.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Which is something that I have procrastinated on doing for Shit Seven years Probably like getting out and actually marketing and networking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you have an office in mind, like, do you have a place that you think you would be a good fit for?
Speaker 3:I was going to definitely get them in the jujitsu gym. Okay, for any of the people there, which is kind of like a gimme. Okay, maybe his office, if she lets me. Um, I don't know, I'm gonna find, like, maybe a therapy office or something somewhere around here around you want to be local yeah cool.
Speaker 2:So there's two that you could possibly do. Another old, cliche, low hanging fruit I love that one, that one's perfect what are you gonna do, lou?
Speaker 1:well, it's funny. You should ask because I have recently had a desire to get a side hustle, a side gig, which I believe is more young person jargon than it is old person jargon.
Speaker 2:OK, so let me say what I'm hearing is, or ask that. I'm hearing that you have a new thing you want to layer in. Are you continuing? So you want to do evening walks? You kind of said earlier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's sort of already. The wheel is in motion with that one okay there's a one add-on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is an add-on, not from a physical fitness perspective, but on the professional side. So there's a a professional growth goal and a personal goal. So the fitness one really is more, even though health is affects both our personal professional lives. But, um, from up, for a professional perspective, I've always wanted to start my own math tutoring business. I and I did this over the past I think it was the past month or two, I can't recall, but so it doesn't count as a current, say, action item for purposes of our tallying.
Speaker 1:But I did move that to the next level and my declaration to go to the next level will be what I will do between now and our next recording, which is, which is connect with a colleague that I know through Toastmasters who has a current tutoring business.
Speaker 1:She's going to help me effectively create like a business model on my end. I know there's a lot of different tools out there and things right now to help people get started and, quite frankly, I could probably just ask Gronk or Claude or ChatGPT or any of the AI things and get information there, but always nice to hear and, getting back to the people connection thing, always nice to actually hear from a human who is going through it or has gone through it to get their ideas. Anyway, I reached out to her today and we're going to talk between now and next week, cool. So my goal is my declaration for weekly declaration, I guess I'll call it is to have that my first business meeting awesome dude awesome how did you guys, how did you do math like when you were in school growing up before calculators were invented?
Speaker 1:abacacus.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Slide rule. Fingers and toes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Are you going to like who's your target audience for tutoring?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, that's a good question and what I've always prided myself on when I have done some more informal tutoring in the past, which was mainly through colleagues at work who can you help my kid with their math homework, kind of thing is I've always been able to really connect to the kids and whatever subject came up and this is kind of I don't know if it's funny or what, but I just thought, oh, maybe I should call myself the child whisperer, like I can no, okay, well, I just thought it was like I can, I can, no.
Speaker 1:You think that sounds weird it sounds creepy.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, that's I mean.
Speaker 1:Well, that was certainly what I didn't want to go for, If you like it we'll support you.
Speaker 1:No, the thing is, you know, obviously education is mainly a K through 12 part of life's journey. You know, there certainly is adult education, but children have right now the greater need, in my opinion, but they're also the most challenging to work with. You have to use different techniques to relay information and to help them learn and, for whatever reason, I just remember many, many, many occasions in working with kids on this that I would always just come up with these creative ways to share how different concepts worked. I was like shit, where the fuck did I pull that from? You know, I just, whatever reason, that just kind of came to me and it just felt in, you know, like I just had a really unique skill in helping children to learn.
Speaker 2:Cool. I was curious about that because I've heard a lot of parents share that their kids' homework is way. Their math homework is so different than what they did in school so that they don't even know how to help them.
Speaker 1:You know what. That's an excellent comment, though, because part of what and I've read about that a little bit common core, I think, is one phrase that I don't know if that's everywhere or what, but the current methodologies, they don't make sense to me. It wouldn't take me long to sort of understand them and learn them and see where they're going, but I got to say, quite frankly, I would hope that any teacher is really about was the solution right, versus getting there? And if a child can get an answer correct in any way, why, you know, why would a teacher not? Why would they be opposed to that? I don't know. I've heard a lot of different things about that. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think that's a whole podcast topic.
Speaker 1:Probably, yeah, yeah, and based on the stories that I've heard, sometimes it's hard to know if the parents themselves just don't know the subject matter to even say understand, because maybe you know, arguably there are a lot of uh different, more and more difficult concepts and kids are learning more difficult things or at least exposed to more difficult concepts at earlier and earlier ages yeah you know, like calculus and higher level math was something that was only taught in colleges at one time.
Speaker 1:Then they got to the high schools. Now I think they're down to ninth grade. Maybe you know somewhere around there very possible uh in any way.
Speaker 2:Let's, let's invite our listeners to make a declaration. Choose for yourself something important to you and make a declaration for the week and the next time you listen to us, check in with yourself about what worked and what didn't, and what makes you feel good about it and how you want to modify it.
Speaker 1:And if you can get an accountability buddy to help you along, please do so. It works for us. I know it can work for you. I hope you enjoyed this episode, Hope you learned a lot from it I know all of us always do and we hope you'll join us on our next one. Bye for now.