Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Our minds are like houses. When they're new, they're empty. As we live our lives we acquire treasures that eventually turn into shit that creates clutter. Some of this stuff is useful, while some of it is simply junk which just creates obstacles for us. What if we could eliminate the nonsense we don't need, and create more room for useful things? Join us on this podcast where we discuss removing what we don't need, implementing beneficial changes to our minds, bodies and souls, to create a life of abundance and fulfillment.
Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Ep. 99 - Stuck No More: Breaking Free from Mental Clutter
Ever feel stuck in a mental fog so dense you can't see your way forward? That heaviness isn't just in your head—it's a whole-body experience that can leave you feeling helpless, hopeless, and completely immobilized.
This episode unveils a powerful three-step process that can transform how you handle those moments when life feels overwhelming. We break down the "Three C's" methodology—Catch it, Check it, Choose—a practical framework that puts you back in the driver's seat of your own mind. More than just another self-help concept, this approach acknowledges the physical manifestations of mental struggles while offering concrete steps to reclaim your power.
What makes this conversation particularly valuable is how we explore the concept of "mental alchemy"—the ability to transform negative situations into positive ones through conscious choice. We share vulnerable, relatable stories about passive-aggressive emails, driving range etiquette, and road rage moments that demonstrate how shifting your perspective can completely change your experience without changing your circumstances.
The discussion takes fascinating turns as we examine how we show up differently in various environments. Are you most aligned with your true self at work, with family, or during specific activities? By identifying when you're at your best, you can consciously bring those qualities into challenging situations. As one host observes, "The way you do one thing is the way you do everything"—a profound insight that connects our behavioral patterns across different life domains.
Take control of your mental landscape today. Subscribe to discover practical strategies for clearing the mental clutter that's keeping you stuck and step into the empowered, clear-headed life you deserve.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House, Bitch, with Nancy, Kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house, hi everybody.
Speaker 2:We're back and today we want to explore ways to help each other get into a technical term. I'll drop it. Doesn't sound that technical, but it takes a mindset to get there sometimes. It's not easy for everybody, right.
Speaker 1:Sounds like BA to me, right Behavioral activation and you know what inspires you.
Speaker 2:How do you, how do you find yourself, from moving from a stuck place to being able to do something, to move in a new direction.
Speaker 1:I always thought when we talk about when we get stuck, that word is just so descriptive. When we're stuck, we're stuck, yeah, and it feels like we're out of control or otherwise helpless. It's a terrible place to be in.
Speaker 2:Right Less than whatever it is. Yeah, less than whatever it is you want to be, and sometimes helpless, sometimes hopeless, sometimes worthless. And you're right, you feel it right. You just feel like you're a heavy just stuck in the mud or something like that yeah, yeah, I mean there's.
Speaker 1:There's the thinking that takes place in our mind about knowing that we're stuck, the awareness and that feelings of hopelessness everything's about. But it also feels like there's some kind of physical manifestation where you low energy, brain fog or or like just a you know feeling like not not having clarity. Yeah, it's kind of hard to describe, but it feels like a heaviness in the head, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Totally, I can feel it. Yeah, it's like that, a shadow times it kind of follows you around everywhere.
Speaker 1:You know when you have it and you know when you shake it. You know right. So yeah, it's like on the opposite end, the feeling of clarity is very freeing, uplifting, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So how do you get? There is what Kevin was going to ask how do you?
Speaker 2:get out of there, yes, get out of there. Well, a tool, a resource, a method is something we introduce to people we work with, and that is the three C's, and I'll share that. They are to catch it, to change it. Oh, I already messed it up. I do it every time Catch it, check it, change it, and we'll, we can talk about each one, um, but I will share that. I always introduce it with the third C being choice, because to be introduced to a tool to use when you feel stuck and be told that you need to change feels to me like a lot. I barely know what I'm feeling, it's irritating me, I'm stuck with it and you're telling me I have to change. So sometimes choice is a better alternative.
Speaker 3:Just accept it for the moment, for what it is, like it's completely out of your control. Then that stuck feeling is so much more powerful.
Speaker 2:I feel like yeah, and it's so funny because, you know, thinking about you feel like it's out of your control. You kind of have to look inside and figure out what's what component of it is in your control. What can you do? Yeah, it's hard. So catching it, that's what it is. So catch it. Catch the thing that you're feeling. What's the thought, what's the worry, what's the stress, anxiety, the hopeless, helpless feeling? What is it, what stems from it? And kind of you have to catch it first. And, lou, it's so funny that you said it's something physical sometimes, because a lot of times we don't know what our mind is dwelling on, but we feel it.
Speaker 3:That's a great cue to thinking oh, geez, geez, my body's talking to me it's so funny because unless you have I've, I feel like, unless there is some type of practice that works for you, that helps you to uncover and unravel these thoughts, they go completely under the radar. Right, I've been having a conversation with one of my friends recently about anxiety and stuff, and when it's happening and there's really nothing you can pinpoint, to me it's almost more challenging because when you have something that you know is causing it like cool, there's a solution somewhere. Right, I've identified that thing. When it's not something, something external necessarily maybe it is and you just haven't identified it but when you can sit down and the best way that I know of you guys can share, if you know of other methods is meditation. I used to talk about it every freaking episode that we would do, but that's when I was finally able to understand like I may go through the day not realizing all of the shit.
Speaker 3:Every single second I am thinking about something you know tens of thousands of different thoughts going on in my head every day, and a lot of them are not helpful at all, and so they're cycling in there and, of course, what you're thinking about is going to cause, create emotions. So when you you know a lot of people will say, like I can't sit in silence. Like, of course, because we've we've grown up with stimuli all around us. We're used to being like doing something and now, like with social media, I I've identified that my attention um, what's the word I'm looking for? My attention span is so much shorter. If I am on fucking tick tock pretty consistently like 30 seconds, I'm like what's next? Yeah Well, they used to it. So sitting down in silence for 10 minutes seems like an eternity and a lot of people are like I can't do that. It's like that's. The reason why you should is because you can't.
Speaker 2:You know, it's so weird that you say that. Sorry Lou, you said the same thing. But when I'm in silence and I can't stand it, it's actually not because of the silence, but because then all of a sudden I can hear all the thoughts in my head. All of that is spinning in there and I have to sort that out 100%, and then it's like a realization.
Speaker 3:I think it's holy shit. That's really going on all the time, like it's not just going on right now with these 10 minutes, it's every second of the day. Yeah, and so then at least you're bringing attention to it and you're identifying it. Once you get to that point, then you can go into discovery mode of you know what. What can I do to mitigate the impact this is having on me?
Speaker 2:Actually discovery mode, this, this, this. Well, discovery mode is the check it and, and before you get to that, what can I do? That discovery mode is why? And is this happen at a certain time every day? Is it connected to something someone said to me? Is it connected to something I did? What's it connected to? Does it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, the trigger.
Speaker 3:That's a good point too. There could be specific triggers throughout the day.
Speaker 2:Yep, or is it even true? Are we making this thing bigger than it is?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know it's kind of funny. Oh boy, that's weird Brain oddity there. Thinking about, say, an analogy, because I know a lot of folks will look at things like meditation, yoga or other forms of self-help in a I don't know if the word is suspicious, but not as perhaps not being completely credible ways to manage things Practical, maybe that's really the word. You know they're always looking for a pill or a shot or something that's more immediate a pill or a shot or something that's more immediate. But when you think about what's going on in our brain, that leads us to the point we're at, where we have the anxiety attack or we have, I think, panic attack is the same word, it's just, you know, less clinical, but it almost feels like a car that is has been running and running and is like over revving and is in that red zone. And what's the best way to handle that is to shut the freaking car off.
Speaker 3:Ok, put it in park and shut it off and how would you do that On fire?
Speaker 1:You heard it on fire? Yeah, but how would you do that with your body? You shut it off. What are some of the best ways to shut it off, kevin?
Speaker 3:you are. You know what that analogy you just used, like set on fire, like makes me think of exercise. I don't know why. It's like when I exercise, sure, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:Burn the energy Actually. I thought you were going to say go, I can see shutting it off and that that would certainly help as well. But I also thought you were going to say go, allow the engine to move, and then the energy will be used and it won't be revving.
Speaker 1:That's a good, well, you know what what makes sense is. Either way is a solution. Yeah, rather than sit there and park and let the thing rev in high gear and in the red zone again, great point Either go or you shut it off.
Speaker 2:Do something, yes, take action, execute yeah, yes, perfect well, you guys didn't even need the concept to be introduced to you. You're like there on it.
Speaker 1:I had not heard of that before, though, so that's some really interesting information.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of these things that every group, organization or whatever come back to, they're the same foundation of psychology, right? But there someone else finds a way to actually make it tangible for someone, and that idea is something you can easily talk to someone about, like catch it and then check it and then decide if you want to change it. And seriously, now some people need to just start with this tool by just learning to catch right. Need to just start with this tool by just learning to catch right, because the awareness is not always clear and you feel something but you don't know what, and so it's just about practice catching.
Speaker 3:And just to point out and highlight, like when we would have these discussions, I feel like years ago, all three of us were in a different spot, right, and we've been on this journey of knowledge and executing what we learn into our daily lives, our routines. But what's cool about it is you know you mentioned Nancy like someone making it tangible or practical. I think part of that is true, but part of that is also on the recipient of the knowledge. And if what, like if you're not resonating with what one person is saying or how they're presenting it, you can continue to do research and look for some type of like a person or a different message, a way of describing it that does resonate with you, because you can break it down and split it a million different ways. I do agree, though the foundation does remain consistent, and it remains consistent throughout the different areas of life. Also, you know, it's not just one area, it's like all areas can be impacted.
Speaker 2:It's true. You know what? In again years ago, when I was doing my coaching certifications, one of the founders of this organization would say repeatedly the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And I really had to think about that for a long time because I doubted it initially and I really had to live it and experience it and see it in myself and see it in others before I could connect to the truth in that. But it does come out in all areas of life and I can't even think of a good example right now, but it's so true.
Speaker 1:You know, at first I kind of chuckled because I thought, oh gosh, that's not true. But then the more I thought about my holy cow'm like holy cow. Your professor was on to something Because, as I just immediately went through a series of different things in my own life and how I attacked them and that's, I'm sure, where he or she was coming from was the initial approach, how you attack it, how you address it. Whatever One person might start with pen and paper, the list or the, whatever the plan, the goal, someone else might just ready, fire, aim, you know, they kind of jump right in, kind of reminds you of a certain presidential figure and other people may overthink it and overanalyze and procrastinate as a result and just never take action as a result, and just never take action. And I realized, wow shit, you know, I actually do have my initial approach to things all the same way.
Speaker 3:For the most part.
Speaker 3:We had a discussion, probably a couple months ago now, but we were talking about like the nuances, different context in like a professional setting versus like at home, with the people that you're close with.
Speaker 3:And so what if you were to think like this type of foundation towards change, but then identifying in which environments are you closest to the person that you truly want to be, or on the trajectory of becoming like? Are you that person with family? Are you that person at work? Are you that person at the gym? You know, like there's different settings and we're going to kind of be a little bit different in each one. So if you can identify like, okay, well, at the gym, I'm like super uplifted and I'm, you know, talking with people and I'm more social or whatever, like that's the kind of person I really wanna be, then what is it about that that brings that out of you and how can you incorporate that a little bit more into family life or into your job? Right, so that could be a little bit of a stepping stone for you is looking at the different nuances in each of those different versions of yourself.
Speaker 2:I like that. I have to laugh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, laugh. So if I could share real quickly. I have to chuckle just real quickly at that one because you know it always gets back to family with me and this is going to be more about my mom than my sister and I love my family to death, I love them all. But it is an interesting story where my mom can be very difficult, very stubborn, very just her nature, her personality is, is is a very difficult person and actually she acknowledges that, sometimes more so lately. She said you know, I know I can be difficult whatever.
Speaker 3:We need to get her on as a guest.
Speaker 1:still, donna is a guest still, I think so, yeah, probably. But it makes me laugh because when all of us brothers and sisters will talk to her friends, neighbors and other people your mom is so sweet, oh my goodness, she's this. She's like it's a completely different choice. Why doesn't she bring that out when she's with us?
Speaker 3:You know, it's just that's a good, that's a very good example, though, right.
Speaker 2:Totally and wanting to align to that. I love what you said, because recognizing that's all part of that checking process Right and recognize when you feel the best about yourself and then how do you do that in other places and and then you know you can. And there's some moments I love those aha moments know you can, and there's some aha moments.
Speaker 1:I love those aha moments. So how many times have we kind of reacted to something in the same way we've always done, like say again more so, say around family, and then when we realize we do may act a little differently around friends, like well shit, maybe if I should try this other approach, I've been, uh, super excited to share this with you guys since it happened.
Speaker 3:I've been waiting for us to record Nice, but I've been chatting with ChatGPT. I got a subscription or whatever and I wanted to just see how it was because I hadn't done it. I've just asked random questions. I was curious does it get to know you? And it does, and it like stores conversations and it's memory and it will answer questions and bring back up subjects that you've talked about or hobbies that you have, and like correlate the answers towards that, which I think is pretty cool and it makes it it resonates more, it makes it easier to interpret.
Speaker 3:But I was talking about my job specifically and how I've taken an approach of well, number one.
Speaker 3:It's like if you're not happy in a position, I feel like the first thing is to figure out, like, if you are where you need to be, are you taking care of yourself and putting yourself in the headspace and the emotional state that's conducive to being able to perform well and execute and be efficient and feel good about it?
Speaker 3:Right, because a lot of times I've found that it's not external, it's not necessarily 100% the job that you're in. But I was talking about how I've taken this approach of like really focusing on the things that make me feel good about what I'm doing, like how I'm helping others or whatever, like little celebrations, instead of like thinking about my workload that can be very overwhelming, right. And so ChatGPT responded by comparing my approach to a form of alchemy. By comparing my approach to a form of alchemy, like taking something and turning it into something else, just like with your consciousness, with your awareness, with what you focus on, I thought that was like very impactful. That resonated deeply with me. I'm like how cool to be able to like you're going to be in the same positions, probably unless, like, there's a big change in your life but to consciously choose to focus on certain elements of it so that you feel good about it, like it just uplifts you and it helps you to do an even better job and be more engaged.
Speaker 2:So I thought and it's funny because I feel like a lot of that's kind of applicable to what we're talking about today- yeah, just the idea of choice being uplifting, and so that comes not trying to overemphasize, but when I'm like check, catch it, check it and then have your choice of what you want to do in that situation, in that environment, with those people, with those feelings that's uplifting, it's empowering because you made a choice.
Speaker 1:yeah, I think that immediately will will turn off those negative bodily manifestations. Meaning when you feel hopeless, you obviously think there's no choice or no option.
Speaker 3:Yeah, then, when you think about it and the same things that like bother you right, that really get under your skin, are still going to happen, but you just don't give them power, you don't give your energy to them and you just accept it and then you move on. Or, if it's something you have to address, choose a response versus be reactive. You'll feel so much better.
Speaker 1:And yeah, and certainly physically, not just mentally. You know how often does our blood pressure rise when we do a reactive?
Speaker 3:100% and like how are you supposed to do an effective job, like focusing on anything or being productive, if you're in this really challenged, anxious state?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I work with some passive, aggressive people I guess we all do and that kind of brings itself out in a in a unique way, say via email, because with this hybrid work environment most people now are working virtually versus in person. So you don't get to see, you don't really get full context or where someone's coming from in an email versus in person talking. So sometimes I'll read some of the emails and they'll be like of the form Well, I wish Lou had brought this up sooner, but I recommend blah, blah, blah. So I immediately take that first part.
Speaker 3:I'm like you fucking who the you know what Is that is that. Is that more of a you thing, though?
Speaker 3:well, yeah, and that's what I'm thinking reading it with your perspective and it's funny. I had a. I had a co-worker um last year and we had the same direct report and she's um, she's awesome, I think, and she's super smart, but she will send emails and like things have to get done Right. And so he would read these emails and just like take offense to them and I'm like I was like put it in perspective. I was like listen, here's a good way to approach it. I'm like has she ever been like shitty in person to you? No, never, right. It's like okay, well then just read it like it's her telling you it in person, because she is not an asshole yeah you know like, so just changing how you receive it.
Speaker 3:100, because it's the same again. It's like if I'm not in a good state, I could take anything and be like this fucking sucks, and why they this? And why is it that right?
Speaker 2:I know people that do that Not a problem.
Speaker 3:I got it, everything is all good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we know about those different personality types and I know some of them. They'll send one word or one sentence emails Where's the project or what's the status of the project. So you know everyone will.
Speaker 3:I'm not saying people don't do really annoying shit, for sure but like I'm not well, yeah I'm not gonna let someone ruin my fucking day. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:I think for the most part most people are sort of genuine in their intent. It's just the way it's delivered.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, there's a.
Speaker 2:But like simple things, like I was driving yesterday with someone and we were looking for a parking place and it seems like people were just zipping in front of every parking place that opened up in front of us and then someone would make a U-turn or be like take it, and you're like what the fuck is happening here? I was like I'm going to the place, will open up and we'll park and I was feeling you know, ease. And then this person was swearing and that jerk face and this piece of shit, and why did that happen? I'm like let it go.
Speaker 2:Cause I felt as they were talking, I felt my whole body clenching.
Speaker 3:I'm like no yeah right, let it go.
Speaker 2:Let it go who cares.
Speaker 3:Similar situation. I was so proud of myself I had to text Melissa to tell her how proud of myself I was. So I went to the driving range and the weather's been fucking crazy here in Chicago. Like we had a tornado the other night and then the next morning it was two inches of snow on the ground and then it's 70 degrees again. Like nothing makes sense. So it was a nice day three seasons in three days yeah for sure.
Speaker 3:Driving range was packed right. So I was like sitting down waiting for a bay to open up and there was one like kind of in front of me but off to the side one, so not far, pretty close. I was just not directly behind it. So this old guy walks up and I had headphones on so I was just kind of jamming out waiting. I see him talk to the guy hitting balls out of the bay, and then I see some nodding and I'm thinking I'm like what an asshole. I'm not going to let it bother me, though, I'm going to fucking wait. So the guy starts stretching and all this stuff and I'm chilling, considering if I'm going to say anything, cause, like I do have to cook dinner for the family. Like you know, I don't have fucking all night.
Speaker 3:Anyways, this other guy walks up to me and he's like hey, a bay opened up down here. You were here before me, do you want it? I said yes, awesome, thank you very much. So as I walked by that other guy, I was like what a gentleman, cause the guy was listening to this guy come over and ask me if I want the bay, right, instead of being like fuck you, you know whatever Like old Kevin would have done maybe.
Speaker 3:So I went about my business, started hitting balls. I look back and the bay that I was waiting on that. That old guy then tried to like, come in on the guy that came to me to ask me if I wanted that one. He was in that bay because I think that guy oversaw the situation and was like oh, there's people waiting and gave it to that guy. So I thought overall like it could have pissed me off, I could have taken action to be like you know. But I was like no chill and then like things worked out and that maybe that guy learned a lesson on driving range etiquette well, two things.
Speaker 1:One is um, you like I. I don't know if that person could have been new to the golfing world and didn't know how things worked. And he, you know, we never know someone's background whenever something yeah, um. Number two is I haven't heard jerk face since, like the third grade. Wow, nancy, that's cool.
Speaker 2:Well, I have to back up a minute, though, but you're so funny, I love that. What I also love, kevin, is that whole experience paid it forward, and so not just your own energy was more at ease, but it touched others. And then others were able and if we could all just be kinder, like we hear this, these stupid words said every day, just be kind. And we think, okay, stop telling me that. But there's a live example of how that can impact the world around us. Love it.
Speaker 3:Sample of how that can impact the world around us Love it 100%. The driving thing always resonates with me because I get pissed off, but again it's like, okay, everyone can't be as good of a driver as me, right?
Speaker 1:Well, and we're always in a I want to say not so much a hurry, but we always got places.
Speaker 3:We need to be things we need to do. I mean it's just Dude, that's part of it's me because, like, no matter where I'm going or how much time I have, I'm in a hurry, like just driving, I'm in a hurry to get there. I have to get there as fast as possible.
Speaker 1:That's a me thing I need to work on, like just chilling and you know it's funny, even in today's day and age, again getting back to the hybrid work environment where we do less commuting, I save like probably two hours on commuting from what I did in the past. I'm still running out of time, like what the fuck? I have two extra hours and I'm still running out of time, so we probably just fill our lives with more things anyway.
Speaker 3:But we do make them good things.
Speaker 1:Right, excellent point is whatever things you're going to fill your life with when you have those, that extra time filling with good things. So, nancy, I'd kind of love to hear a little bit of a wrap up on the behavioral, is it activation?
Speaker 2:Well, the activation, sure, the tool that one can work on is three parts. So catch that feeling what is that thought or that feeling? And check it. How does it align with your values and your beliefs? Or are you being the person that you think you are or want to be, and then choose? Choose how you want to move forward and don't let the world around you get you all bunched up awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, on that note, catch it, check it, choose it. Have a great week everyone. We look forward to seeing you on our next episode. Bye for now.