Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Our minds are like houses. When they're new, they're empty. As we live our lives we acquire treasures that eventually turn into shit that creates clutter. Some of this stuff is useful, while some of it is simply junk which just creates obstacles for us. What if we could eliminate the nonsense we don't need, and create more room for useful things? Join us on this podcast where we discuss removing what we don't need, implementing beneficial changes to our minds, bodies and souls, to create a life of abundance and fulfillment.
Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Ep. 95 - Finding Solutions by Embracing Imperfection
Have you ever wondered why it's often easier to maintain professionalism at work than in our personal lives? Join us as Nancy shares her week of battling IT challenges, and we uncover how a calm and grateful mindset transformed her stress into solutions. We'll dissect the delicate balance between personal and professional boundaries, revealing why we tend to be more solution-oriented on the job. Our discussion will also touch on the benefits of embracing imperfection and maintaining a positive outlook to navigate both professional and personal hurdles.
Switching gears, we'll explore the power of presence and self-reflection in our daily lives. Discover how focusing on work during office hours can help create a clear divide from personal concerns, leading to a more solution-focused approach. We'll also dive into the complexities of personal relationships, especially the different ways men and women process challenges, and the importance of validating each other's feelings. From interactions in larger groups to one-on-one settings, we'll uncover how comfort and vulnerability swing with closeness. Finally, the conversation emphasizes self-awareness and choice in relationships, encouraging self-reflection during moments of irritation to ensure that our desires truly align with our deepest needs.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House, bitch, with Nancy, kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house.
Speaker 2:Hi everybody, thanks for joining us today. We are working through trials and tribulations that everyone gets caught up in on a daily basis, and so, really today, we thought we'd talk about what gets in your way and how do you work through it.
Speaker 3:Interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it happens all the time. Right and somehow finding a way to deal is what we each have to do, and it's not always easy. Sometimes we don't feel like dealing or it makes us feel irritated.
Speaker 3:What's been getting in your way, Nancy?
Speaker 2:I've had a week of IT issues and meaning not that the things have been going wrong, but something I've been asked to access I keep getting denied access to. And one resource says you need to go to this resource. That resource says you need to submit this ticket. Then they say oh, we need more information. Oh, that belongs over there. You need to give it to someone else. Oh, we can't help you, Take it there. And you're like, seriously, it's not that complicated.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what the hell it people, let's go.
Speaker 4:Somebody has corporate America.
Speaker 2:Yeah, somebody has to know. But I think you know I could have and probably in my previous years of life might've been swearing and you know what the fuck is happening to me and this is so irritating and been more bunched up in my day and I could find a big cleansing breath might help me. Just let go and move on to something else. I even today heard myself say thank you to someone. They did. They didn't do shit for me.
Speaker 3:I'm like, hmm, but we always talk about how important it is, how important gratitude is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I might need to call them again when they can help and instead of having them think of me as that foul-mouthed chick on the other end of the phone that nancy bitch.
Speaker 4:I want to talk to her so they don't even take your call in that case yeah, then nancy got to put her it hat on and figure it out herself or call from a different line and fake them out that is.
Speaker 3:That is a good point, though um, which I feel like is something that I also have been trying to work on in practice, is not allowing, like not carrying things with me any further than I need to carry them, and it was definitely something that I had to practice because I wanted everything to be tidy and make sense. You know, and I just realized that, especially in business, like things are not always going to be perfect and mistakes happen or hurdles happen, challenges happen, and now I just kind of accept it and like things pop up every single day. That would have derailed me for some amount of time, but I'm just I kind of expect it now. I guess, in a way, maybe it helps me deal with it when it pops up, even when it's just random. It's like I expect things to not go perfect. So I feel like I'm always emotionally and mentally equipped to work towards some type of resolution, whatever it is that pops up. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally, totally makes sense and it feels much better, right In the end of whatever the ridiculousness is to be. Solution oriented feels kinder, you feel it in your whole body, like you physically feel it, not just mentally yeah, 100.
Speaker 3:I'm able to really easily separate um, like work the work me from like the personal life me. So much, though, that I'm actually trying to like incorporate more of who I am at work into like my personal life, because, no matter what shit's hitting the fan like, I can always put a smile on my face, and I think I do it so that I can be more of a positive influence for those around me when we're trying to work through something challenging. You know, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to make things worse.
Speaker 2:I don't find myself being as conscious and aware in my personal life totally, and I'm with you on that, and I find that I am I can be snippy or short or not flexible, you know, in my personal life and then I think but why is it so hard? So what? What makes it different, I guess? Why do we find it possible to do at work and then so much harder to do, whether it's home or with family or with friends? I haven't.
Speaker 3:I haven't really pinpointed it for myself. I don't know if it's like a level of comfort or maybe it's just the focus of when you're working with someone. You're focused on whatever initiative, like there's, there's a, there's something you're working towards or something you're trying to help them with or they're trying to help you with. Like there's, there's a there's something you're working towards or something you're trying to help them with or they're trying to help you with. Like there's always an initiative, whereas maybe in our personal lives and our personal relationships, like you're just around people because you love them, like that's the bond, is just the connection that you have. There's no other reason you're not working towards like a common goal at all times. Maybe that has something to do with it, I don't know.
Speaker 4:I feel like, well, we certainly go ahead. Oh sorry, I was just going to say we certainly don't know our work family in the same way we know our real family. You know there's it in every day. Well, maybe not every every day, but there are many times when somebody at work will surprise me about something in their own life, because a lot of people are do the same. Like we're not the only ones.
Speaker 4:Everyone kind of has their work hat and their personal hat, and even though we're in this day and age and this kind of new culture, woke or otherwise, where we should feel comfortable to be open and honest and transparent in ourselves, I don't think anyone really does for that reason. Like you know what, I have my family and I have my work family and I like and want to keep them separate. I certainly like, as an example, what Nancy shared she may be the cussing chick in her family and that's not ideal in the workplace, and we have policies I'm sure both of you do as well about not just that kind of behavior but social media behavior and so many different things that make us constrain ourselves to a degree and, uh, it just feels like it is?
Speaker 4:it is limiting and constrained, but also do you find that it becomes normal and it's a standard that feels kind and so yes, yeah, yeah, it's a more positive experience in the workplace, and maybe that's why I don't want the real d sometimes to come through. I'm like, well, shit, that would bring negativity into the situation and that's like no, or you know what. That's a good point, nancy. Maybe it's what's the word, maybe it's. It also helps us to be more positive. You know, you're in that environment and it brings out the positivity in us, whereas oftentimes with our family, that brings out the negativity in us.
Speaker 4:That's true, so maybe it's like a, but I will say I feel like I must wear two hats, like there were times for many years when I would not like that and say, why do I have to? But now I'm like you know what. I think that's okay and I think sometimes that's necessary and I'm comfortable with that and maybe in some ways I even prefer that choice it comes down to making a choice, but then, like Kevin said earlier too, like it also have to practice it.
Speaker 2:It doesn't come naturally.
Speaker 4:You have to yeah make the choice to do and then pull the ability to do it out from well do you feel forced, like still like, I think, when we first started a job, there's a bit of forcedness because we don't know people, we don't know our job.
Speaker 4:We're trying to make a good impression. There's a lot of different pressures that come along with being new to a job, to a role, to people that we're working with. But I've worked with some people for many, many years 10, 20 years and at that point you would think, man, they should be like family and you should be a lot more comfortable around them. But I'm still constrained and, as I believe they are, I still don't know a lot about most of the people I've worked with, as they don't know about me. And I just think it's, it feels, you know, as you just mentioned, it kind of keeps the positive mindset and you know there's episodes here and there where people might have outbursts and there's some drama and this and that, but in my workplace it's certainly a lot less than in my family.
Speaker 2:It's a form of etiquette that I guess we let go of when we're with certain groups of people, like I'm thinking right now in sports that you play right Golf etiquette is the one I think I've heard it the most in, but there is a set of guidelines that apply to the way that you play a group sport and it's so important for yourself and the other person right, like if you pull up too close or you talk through someone teeing off or you interrupt a putt like that's rude. You have to learn to follow the etiquette of the game and we should be able to apply etiquette to our everyday lives in all situations, not just work and sports.
Speaker 3:So interesting that you thought of sports, because I also did right, but from a different perspective. Mine was that, again, we're working towards a common goal. We're working towards something as a unit. Like at work, I don't feel constrained, Like I have pretty good relationships with a lot of people. It doesn't. It's still very focused, though, Like we're still working on initiatives and things. So to me that's more of the reason.
Speaker 3:I think that at least now that we're like kind of unpacking this, to me that feels more of the reason why it's different, why it's easier to just kind of be present and not be worrying about anything outside of work. You know, because for those eight hours or whatever, like I am focused on certain initiatives, All of my other stuff will still be there when I get out. There's no sense in trying to figure out solutions to whatever issues or challenges I'm having. It's like for these eight hours I'm going to really focus and hone in with sports. I feel like the same thing. Like it does encourage you to be present, or you're not going to perform optimally. Or if you're in a team sport, then there's not cohesiveness if you're not being present either.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Are you able to do that in reverse? So then, when you're out of work and you're interacting with people, to be present there and not worry about deadlines and projects?
Speaker 3:and working, not to say like I've been working on the weekends and stuff just to get caught up or whatever, but it's by choice Like I choose to do it. But when I'm not, when I'm not working, yeah, I'm completely disconnected from my work environment. I'm not worried about deadlines. I know I put my full effort in when I am working I know I'll accomplish my goals to the best of my ability. You know so that to me there's not any sense any longer in worrying about there, so that like it always is gonna work out. You know, I think the most nervous I've been like at this current position is having to like talk in front of the whole organization and then a bunch of other people that are involved.
Speaker 3:But they're more external Toastmasters, myself kind of yeah, I know I should have stuck with it, right, but that was something where I was, like you know, a little bit nervous kind of thinking about it, cause it was like a bigger deal for me, not like daily, daily, the daily grind. But yeah, yeah, for the most part it's like I can separate it. I enjoy my life. I know work's going to be there when I'm at work. I know my life's going to be there, but still, I would really like to try to figure out what it is, because I do feel like I'm much more focused, more solution oriented.
Speaker 3:Maybe a challenge too is like being in a relationship, right, and how men and women, kind of by majority, handle situations different. Like, if Melissa is having a challenge, immediately I'm thinking of solutions to provide her, but a lot of times she's just trying to validate her feelings through conversation with me or she just wants to talk to like that's her way of processing, whereas I am more of like let's get shit done and let's figure it out and solve it and then we don't have to worry about it, type of thing. But then I'm not fulfilling her needs and she's not feeling validated or heard if I'm doing that too, so maybe that's a little bit different. Like at work you need to get shit done, so maybe it comes natural that I'm like trying to just get those results, you know you know, what I'm just having this thought of too is is it easier to do in larger groups, Like I think about?
Speaker 2:when I'm in smaller groups or I'm one-on-one with my partner, I'm less tolerant, Like and then. But if there's multiple people, there's some ability to have more flex room. I do think that there's.
Speaker 3:I think there's something there for sure. But then if you're working in one-on-one with someone, I think it is a level of comfort that we have with people that we're closest to. Like they're going to see, we're going to be more, most vulnerable, right? Not that we have to force ourselves to be a certain way or like play a facade or something like that in other situations, but we, we are going to be more vulnerable and be a little bit more open to those we love with and trust and built trust with over the years. You know, and a lot of us have dark sides to us or challenges that we're not feeling super equipped to handle or whatever.
Speaker 3:Like we're not always going to be perfect, and if you're like having a really bad day or like a really dark day, I think a lot of people are like you know, I'm going to take a day off, work for myself. I don't feel like I'm going to funk, like optimally, I'm gonna take a self-help help, uh, health day or yeah, whatever you know, and so you're not putting yourself in that environment. If you really, really feel like you need separation, but then your loved ones are still there seeing you deal with. You know, whatever you're going, yeah.
Speaker 2:It comes back to choice and and practicing. I guess both of those are important, like reminding oneself who do you want? To be funny, I was talking with someone about that earlier today and you know they've been wanting more kindness from their spouse and to be able to interact and do things together. And being shut out, getting shut out, and this opportunity arose, where they were asked to be included, and the thought at this time is I don't know if I want to be a part of that, and it was like, well, everything that you said you wanted is now a possibility. So what do you really want?
Speaker 3:and maybe we need more self-reflection when those irritable moments surface it could be a situation of, like the grass is greener too, like if you aren't in a position to have something or you've never had it, and then you get it. Maybe sometimes it's like oh, do I, you know? I mean like, do I want that? Yeah, really, you know, yeah it's all complicated.
Speaker 2:Why is life so complicated?
Speaker 3:I think when we think about these things just like we were talking about before we started recording nancy, like we put energy into these things. But we could just as easily choose choice, right word of the day we could choose to not like go so deep and try to just live with equanimity and not allow things to impact us or influence us. But in the from the aspect of like trying to become the person that you really want to be or build the type of character that you really want to have, if nothing changes, nothing changes right. So if you choose to do the not going so deep, choose that route, then you have to anticipate that things aren't likely going to progress. So we make it difficult by wanting to develop ourselves right, and I think that's part of it, part of the growth. Like, if we stay in our comfort zone and everything's just good, we're not growing right.
Speaker 2:So true, but maybe at that point they aren't meant to progress. Maybe there is a moment of agitation or frustration and they aren't meant to progress. And one is pushing, like me. I'm pushing for an answer. Give me an answer. With this, it stuff, nobody can do it. There isn't an answer, you know, um, and so I needed to let go um, and so sometimes maybe it isn't that we need to progress, but we just need to be okay where we are acceptance.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that is another case of like what you have within your control and what is not in your control also, you know remembering that it's so easy to forget well, 100, yeah, yeah, 100%, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, so then we have to make a choice to be present and choose what's important to us in that moment and not push or let irritation run the show. I really like what you said earlier, kevin, which was to not carry the things with me for longer than needed. Like they need to be acknowledged and addressed in some form, yes, and then, when they can be done, let them be done right, and I think timing matters too.
Speaker 3:You know, if it's not something that you can immediately solve, there's nothing. You can do nothing in your control, right? Yeah, step away, take a breath. You mentioned taking a breath.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know kind of come back to it.
Speaker 3:The good thing about our problems is typically they're still going to be there. You know what I mean. We don't have to worry about losing them thanks for that, yeah for sure that helps everybody you know, yeah there you have it.
Speaker 2:So we've found a a solution, and that is to step back and give ourselves space. It's okay to remove yourself from a situation if it's irritating and it's not okay to take it out on others. So, whatever gets in your way, just give yourself a moment of self-reflection and decide do I need to deal with this now? What does it mean to me? And? And if it means something, if it's aligned with your values, embrace it. If it's not, put it aside for the moment.
Speaker 3:Again choice choose.
Speaker 4:Word of the day Awesome.
Speaker 3:Thanks everybody for tuning in. We'll see y'all next time. Bye for now.