Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Our minds are like houses. When they're new, they're empty. As we live our lives we acquire treasures that eventually turn into shit that creates clutter. Some of this stuff is useful, while some of it is simply junk which just creates obstacles for us. What if we could eliminate the nonsense we don't need, and create more room for useful things? Join us on this podcast where we discuss removing what we don't need, implementing beneficial changes to our minds, bodies and souls, to create a life of abundance and fulfillment.
Clean Your F*cking House B*tch
Ep. 93 - Finding Calm in Chaos: Mastering Emotional Intelligence and Empathy
Traffic jams, emotional flare-ups, and those moments when you feel the world is testing your patience—these are the trials that can make or break our emotional well-being. As I, along with my co-hosts Nancy and Lou, recount our own experiences with these everyday challenges, we offer insights into the power of emotional intelligence. Our conversation meanders through the significance of early recognition of emotional triggers and the art of maintaining a cool head when all you want to do is honk incessantly. We dissect the interplay between emotions and actions, the fine line between sensitivity and overreaction, and unveil actionable strategies that can help you navigate life's turbulence with grace.
But it's not all about self-control; it's also about connection. We broach the topic of empathy and how considering someone else's perspective can turn a potential road rage incident into a moment of human understanding. By sharing tales of frustration turned into opportunities for growth, we aim to inspire listeners to choose kindness over conflict, and deliberate actions over impulsive reactions. Nancy, Lou, and I explore how emotional awareness and thoughtful response can lead not only to personal satisfaction but also to more harmonious societal interactions. Tune in and join us as we commit to a journey of self-awareness and empathetic living, where every breath we take is one step closer to mastering the art of emotional intelligence.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House Bitch with Nancy, kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up?
Speaker 2:We'll show you how Get ready to clean your fucking house the topic this normally happens after a few minutes of going back and forth and trying to get creative. This time we didn't do that. We don't have a topic that we know we're going to discuss, so I thought we'd give the audience a little insight into how things work For Lou and Nancy. Here I'm completely catching them off guard and I guess what comes to mind for me with personal developments or changes for myself are that I've been making a very conscious effort to be less emotionally reactive to things, which I've worked on for many years and created a lot of habits around creating more structure in my life with the things that serve me well. But I feel like I've recently got to a point where I can pretty easily identify when I I don't like the word triggered at all but, for lack of better terminology, when I'm becoming triggered, whether that's driving or something within a relationship with the person that I'm with, I've noticed that I can identify myself starting to feel different than how I normally operate, which, like I'm pretty easygoing, I'm pretty laid back. So I've been able to like, identify these little tinglings of something popping up and I catch it and I make, I take actions to prevent it from getting any further. So I noticed that, like within the past couple or few weeks I've been doing that.
Speaker 2:I've just been trying to like be more easygoing, like even driving, especially driving, because I was in DC earlier this week and, holy shit, like I thought was bad, but all you DCers out there it was.
Speaker 2:It was intense for me but I I just I don't know. I identify this happening, starting to feel ways that I don't want to feel, and then I just kind of remind myself of my mission to not allow it to completely impact me. And I've been working with some people recently that have been challenged with external things in their lives and I just there's a lot of empathy that goes out because I've been in positions where it's been more of like a super intense reaction versus a chosen response emotionally to external events or circumstances, and it can happen so quick. So I guess maybe we can unpack that a little bit and dissect it for those that may be facing challenges, you know, whether it's completely overwhelming or is more minor, but still somewhat of a challenge to overcome. Yeah, but maybe see like what, what has worked for people, what comes to mind for you guys when I start the podcast with a five-minute monologue.
Speaker 3:I mean that's cool. I don't feel. I don't feel tripped up by that. But listening to your feeling, that awareness to something physical that allows you to connect to something mindful, feels good, like I feel when I'm thinking about myself in that same situation. I hear myself, so I'm getting further in the process and I'm hearing myself in a way that I don't want to be and so I need to be cautious of that. So it feels good to hear that you're ahead of it and I want to connect to more how you do that, but I don't know if there's something tangible in how you do that or if it's just an intention that you set to be aware. I don't know how do you do it.
Speaker 2:So I'm trying to remember. Do you do it? So I'm trying to remember. I was thinking about emotional intelligence recently, after something you and I had discussed. And if I were to be asked like what, what comes to mind when I hear emotional intelligence? And the first thing is understanding, and I think it's just the understanding of emotions, what they are, how they come about, how they influence us.
Speaker 3:It was understanding, um shit, I was trying to write it down understanding shit understanding that's what we get from people sometimes, so it could be understanding the crap that comes our way seriously.
Speaker 1:I mean, they come up with stuff and it's like let me understand or try to wta hear where you're coming from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and the second thing was awareness. So being aware, right. So understanding the emotions, how they operate, how they impact us, influence us, the difference between reaction and response. And then awareness. And awareness is more of like a being present type of thing and being tuned in to yourself, right, because it's one thing to understand how it operates and I've been at that stage, which I feel like is stage one, is learning and knowing, um, but to be aware at the time of something occurring is probably the most challenging stage, at least it was for me, because it was.
Speaker 2:I was so ingrained with these reactions, these emotional reactions, that if something were to occur, that would be my default is to react with the same type of emotion every single time. So understanding awareness. And then the third stage was it was like commitment to action I had a better word for it, but this is more about Implementing whatever it is that the individual needs in their lives to maintain the emotional stability that they're trying to accomplish. So whatever it is that grounds you or makes you feel more accepting of things in life, creating habits, with those actions to help so break it down.
Speaker 3:Sorry, just to the driving like. That's a really good example that I think many people experience right that our reaction without understanding the other person's reason for cutting us off or turning in front of me or parking too freaking close to my car so I can't get in.
Speaker 2:Or parking like shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, is to respond with the negativity. So how did it help you on the road in DC?
Speaker 2:is coming from thought and whatever I think I'm choosing to think it's really a choice, if you intend for it to be a choice. So it's paying attention to my thoughts. So this is the awareness of knowing, like, okay, this asshole is tailgating me and then they're cutting me off and then they're turning without using a turn signal, right. And so the thought process for me it's like being aware of the thoughts that pop up that are more habitual, like versus an asshole, all that stuff. But then it's kind of challenging your thought processes and beliefs. Like, number one, I don't know everything going on with that person, right, they could be rushing home because their kid fell and broke a bone, or their dog got loose out of the backyard and no one's there to find the dog, or it could be whatever you know.
Speaker 2:Secondarily, this person just came and went out of my life in a matter of minutes, probably never going to come across them again. So what's the point in allowing this to impact me negatively? And then it's, like you know, I've challenged myself to operate in a different way, like I don't like to be pissed off. I don't want to be driving somewhere and be upset because there's traffic Like it's completely out of my control. What is the point of being pissed off Like there's no fucking point. There really is not. I'm going to let shit ruin my day.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:For no reason. So it's all those things combined. So I think that's a lot of that's the awareness. Maybe part of that is like the action of creating a new habit, like being able to think of these things differently. But then it's just the daily routines of things where I know I'm going to have stressors in my life, I know I'm going to be bogged down by this or that. I'm always going to have something that needs to get done. That's going to be stressing me out, giving myself the time that I need, the space I need from those things to take care of myself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, dang, so many words come up in there Choice and not allowing the negativity. I love that.
Speaker 2:That's one of my mantras. Actually, like every time that I write in my journal, I end it with I. I have the power to choose my thoughts, emotions and actions.
Speaker 3:I've been doing that for years that's a powerful statement right there damn it's so true, it is true but I mean it could go.
Speaker 2:It could go as far as you want to take it. Like there's so much information, there's so much going on in the world at all times, like and you can always find shit, of course like you can bitch about or to focus on all this negative stuff, like I think it's just mainly like how do things impact you, like, what are you?
Speaker 2:we were actually having a conversation before we started recording, just so everyone. I want to be completely transparent. The idea of lunch came up because, like international lunch day or some shit right, something like that on the day that we're recording today. Um, but it's like, what are you consuming? Like informationally, what are you consuming food wise? Like, how are you treating yourself and are you being conscious about it?
Speaker 3:it's so true I like that much.
Speaker 1:Well, I was going to say I think there's a lot we can learn from our mini me's, and what I mean by that is using the car example, or when I think of any example where an adult gets in your words, triggered by some event I think my words lou.
Speaker 2:I said I don't like that word, I don't know.
Speaker 1:But the the word that we can't find a better word for. But you know, I think back to when I was a kid, driving with my parents, and two things one as a child, I was never triggered, maybe because I wasn't driving, probably in large part because I wasn't driving.
Speaker 2:I would be more scared and maybe not aware.
Speaker 1:But you know, as a kid we're so carefree, live life in the moment. You know there's again a lot to learn from that. But at the same time my parents would also not be so triggered. You know it would be. And again, this could just be difference. I don't know if it's differences over time, differences across society where we live, where we grew up and all that, but it just seemed like when I was a kid my parents would be more like worried about the other person if there was something like either being cut off or not always. You know, certainly there were times when there was a bit of anger there, but oh, let them go, it's no big deal, we're not in a hurry, you know, it'd be just coming from a different place. When I hear stories like that, or stories in general where little things tend to tick us off it appears to me to be more on average now than years ago. I'm like why is that? What is it about today?
Speaker 3:Because you have greater awareness. Yeah, I think it's exactly that Because you have greater awareness and so those things that impact your life, you, you do see and feel, and then we let ourselves, we let ourselves be respond or react versus respond. But I think it comes back to that awareness. I think there's such a people who work with me are like oh gosh, she says that non-stop. We're tired of hearing it, but it's, it's a gift. It's a gift.
Speaker 1:Awareness is and you know, sometimes like, like, I'll see videos online when I'm in different apps and whatnot. In as an example, one would be road rage like. I've seen a couple of road rage videos on YouTube, and it actually surprises me when the person who may have been cut off or otherwise, I guess is feeling like they were slighted through whatever action of the other party will then put their own car and life at risk to either run the other one off the road or even crash their own car. I'm like man. I used to treat my car like it was gold. You know, I didn't want to scratch on that thing. I would in no way want to be trying to damage it. Well, it's not thought out, though right like it's not.
Speaker 2:No, certainly not a logical thing, but emotions are pretty powerful, right like you don't. You're powerful almost like you're not thinking of consequence. It's just how I'm feeling and I'm acting on it.
Speaker 1:And doesn't that in and of itself just, I mean, make for such a interesting topic of discussion? The power of emotions, I mean. Yeah, I'm sure that phrase has been used over and over again books and whatnot and whatnot, but it still is amazing, when you think about it, how that can more or less say control us and rule us, unless, as Nancy said, you know, we increase our awareness, get a hold of shit, take control.
Speaker 2:It's funny because you can even have like. There can be negative consequences from good feeling emotions too.
Speaker 3:OK, I'm sure that's true, but yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So let's say, like you meet someone new and you have intense positive emotion for this person, then you have unprotected sex and get them pregnant.
Speaker 3:Oh, so not thinking Okay.
Speaker 2:Huh.
Speaker 3:That came up pretty quickly, Kevin.
Speaker 2:That was one example I was thinking of like a good emotion that could lead to, you know, a challenging consequence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know well, and that kind of begs the question when it comes to that specific act and that specific emotion which I guess would be lust, well, and not just sex but the feeling that comes up. Would it be lust? What would be the word? Talking about what? What'd you say? Intercourse, oh say intercourse oh, intercourse, um no, but what like the feeling the feeling wouldn't be love.
Speaker 1:But what's the feeling associate? Would it be lust? I guess lust right? Um, is it desire? Desire, yeah, that's a good one, that's a perfect. That one almost seems to be like in a, in a category all its own. It just seems like one that I'm not going to say that it's harder to control, but it I was actually going to go and go there and say, well, that's part of nature and that's such a unique one that is driven by more than just external influences, if that's the right way to put it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, we'll let a car cutting us off make us angry, but we don't get angry just at the sight of a car, whereas we might get desire at the sight of a person. That's a good point.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Maybe part of it has to do with like connection right, because like, if you're pissed off at someone driving like you're not trying to connect with that person. Maybe you're trying to connect your car to theirs or something and run them off the road, but you it's like the opposite, like you almost want to get away, versus when it's like lust or desire or love, like you're trying to get closer.
Speaker 3:So maybe there's like a magnetism there, like pulling two people together I think the car thing is more like control and it's like a power statement and you're not going to get in front of me or impact me. I'm gonna show you just how yeah, you know road. I think it's a control people.
Speaker 2:Like people like in cars or online or through email. Like people act different. Right, like they're again. Yeah, like a consequence or because I've noticed. Like people, definitely if there's a more tricky challenge that needs to be worked through like people are definitely different in person or even through a video call than they are like through an email or like in a car behind them behind a.
Speaker 1:yeah, there's a territorial aspect there too.
Speaker 2:Right, Like I don't know if I've had someone walk up to my face and flick me off.
Speaker 3:It's been a while, but I have.
Speaker 2:Or like I can't imagine that Nancy.
Speaker 3:Well, it's about them, it's not about me, and that's the thing, too Like when these experiences occur, where it creates this anger in us, whatever that person's action is that we didn't like, it's really about them and their own mental, physical experience, and not about us. So us, reacting to your point earlier, is energy we're giving out for no valuable reason that is really the point the thing we're driving to and many other things.
Speaker 1:It seems like it's a territorial battle, and that always kind of blew my mind too, because I'm like, damn it, you know, I don't own the road, you don't own the road either. Neither of us do so. It's like, you know, we just want to kind of cruise along in our lane and not be affected. We don't want to be slowed down and and we don't want to be sped up. In many cases too, you know, when someone's tailgating us, it's funny.
Speaker 2:I just want to say like territorial battle. What came to mind for me? Well, number one in DC, like everyone is about the Civil War and all this history and like the battlefields they have there and stuff. I was like like if you came to chicago I would show you places I like eating food, like I don't you know what I mean, but that's what came to mind for me with territorial battle was when you check a bag for a flight and then you go to like where the bags come out and people are like pushing up against the fucking thing, so you can't like no one can get. I'm like what the hell? Yeah, and back. We can all just approach our bag when we see it yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And when somebody's bag comes up and they want to squeeze through to get to it, you see a lot of people sometimes they won't let them. I'm like god damn it. Let the lady through j she's trying to get her damn bag.
Speaker 2:You know what, though? So, like in cases like that, and even like traveling, I've been trying to really be patient, and it's more than just a challenge for me, but I also feel like what we put out in the world, we do get back Right and we want to see change we can. The biggest influence I feel like we have is that we be the change we want to see right, like we, yeah, act on that and my short travel. My flight was delayed. I'm like I'm not gonna care, whatever right, flight went well, it was all good. I get to the airport. I have a rental car that I had booked. I get to the desk. They're like, yeah, it's going to be 45 minutes, and I was like and this is after? Like he did all my shit. I'm like I feel like you should lead with that, right, but I'm like so are we. Are we talking about a real 45 minutes? He was like you know, 50, maybe an hour, two hours. No, you're fine, maybe another car yeah.
Speaker 2:So he's like go wait by the podium over there and they'll call your name. I'm like, whatever, I'm not going to care, it's fine, I don't care. And so in like five minutes the guy's like Kevin and I was like right here and he starts walking me and and uh, I got like a free upgrade and I only I paid like a fraction for the days I had the car that I was supposed to like, so it paid you back maybe it's me focusing my attention on positive things that are happening for me versus fuck, I have to, I just flew.
Speaker 2:Not like that would be my mindset before, like I just flew here. I run to this car. They don't have cars. I'm fucking pissed off. You know what I mean. Like what's the point? Like out of my control, I am where I am. I can either just accept it and chill or like and this other guy was like bitching at this worker there and the guy just like I understand, I understand, and the worker has no control.
Speaker 1:What do you want me to do exactly? He didn't say that.
Speaker 2:But I'm thinking, I'm like what does he want him to do?
Speaker 1:and how embarrassing to cut somebody out for 45 minutes, only five minutes later for them say oh, you know what, we're ready for you now like he did that, and within three minutes they called his name yeah, exactly so.
Speaker 1:You never know. And and in my mind I'm thinking when you said that 45 minutes, it's like are they waiting for a car that supposedly is is being returned at x time? You know, I'm like nobody returns their cars at the times they designate on those forms anyway either. So I I always thought those things are an automatic upgrade I tried to get the maserati.
Speaker 2:He said that was the only one he couldn't give out. And you know what?
Speaker 1:and there is hope in the world, because every now and then, using the baggage carousel as an example, you will see an individual kind of go up and help somebody pull their bag off when they're struggling, and things like that. So you know, even though there's a lot of nastiness going on, it's great to see the the positive that that does and you know what? And maybe in some small way, they're experiencing or implementing this, the very tools we're talking about. They're becoming aware, they're seeing that service and gratitude are stronger than getting ticked off and emotional reactions and whatnot yeah, yeah, that was a prime example of awareness, choice and taking action.
Speaker 3:You named it, kevin. That was a beautiful conversation. That really is tangible, I think, in some way to everybody, so whatever you guys y'all out there today are experiencing. Step back a moment and just think about what might be in the head of that other person that you want to ram off the road and choose a new action.
Speaker 1:You certainly don't want that ram to be that last ram of your life. So think before you act. Thank you for joining us. Appreciate it you being listening to this episode. Hope you check out our other episodes. We look forward to you joining us in the future. Bye for now.