When our world seemed to come apart at the seams, where did we turn? This episode peels back the layers of community transformation we've all felt but perhaps not put into words. From the office-less work revolution to the reshaping of our family dynamics, we've seen unprecedented shifts in our social landscape. Join us as we dissect what it means to belong in a world that's still finding its feet.
When our world seemed to come apart at the seams, where did we turn? This episode peels back the layers of community transformation we've all felt but perhaps not put into words. From the office-less work revolution to the reshaping of our family dynamics, we've seen unprecedented shifts in our social landscape. Join us as we dissect what it means to belong in a world that's still finding its feet.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House, bitch, with Nancy, kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house.
Speaker 2:Hi everybody. Today we thought that there was value in recognizing community, what your community is to you. Maybe your community is spiritual and it doesn't have to include other people. Maybe it does and it's church. Maybe it's your work environment, maybe it's a close circle of family and friends. But how does community, or lack of community, impact your life?
Speaker 3:Speaking of lack of community, I mean that just begs the question about life in a COVID world and life in a post-COVID world. You know how community has evolved and changed, and even in terms of yeah, I mean so many ways.
Speaker 4:Like you mean like the work space yeah, I guess I guess everything yeah, everything.
Speaker 3:I mean there's the corporate community as nancy shared. There's our family community, friends community, social community, and I guess where would you put social would be, you know, hobbies and clubs and things like that. I mean everything has been impacted in a different ways and as a, I guess, some unintended perhaps consequence is people's ideologies or views on on COVID itself and how that's impacted community. You know, simply, division, a lot of division has resulted because of it simply existing and having taking place, which is kind of sad, you know.
Speaker 4:You feel like that still exists now, like division from no.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, that's a good question, because what here's what I think happened or and I think is in some ways is still happening, is that situation. No matter how you look at it, that situation occurred and things happened as a result of of that the pandemic, the virus, whatever and and I think it caused a shift in many ways. In other words, many people were parts of communities that that became a hot topic and they left those communities and they joined.
Speaker 4:That's a good, that's a good point.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think it was um shifting, uh, you know well when all that shit happened. I remember where I was at during that time and I kind of got pulled into, well, politics in general because of that, and I've never been like into politics and then I realized, like what the hell am I doing? Like I don't really believe in politics or politicians or the way the infrastructure of this country, especially, is set up. So then I was like, what am I doing? It was almost I don't know.
Speaker 4:It's uh, it's interesting how that happened, but it was like a very massive event that did impact a lot of people. Um, regardless of what your views were like, there was a lot of shit going on. So that that is interesting. I think. When you said that, what came to mind for me is like remote workers, companies having to adapt to keep things moving along, um, but I feel like everything's kind of back to normal, at least in my life, and, looking through my lens, I feel like everything's kind of back to normal, at least in my life, and, looking through my lens, I feel like there's no longstanding impact of what happened four years ago.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure I agree. But but before sharing any reasons why, I'm curious, lou, about what divisions you feel are out there. I know there are. I'm just curious what you're seeing.
Speaker 3:Well, and I'll give a very simple example which is often helpful to convey points is whether or not, say, masks and social distancing and that kind of stuff was even effective. Whatever your views on that are, you know you had a lot of people who were adamantly opposed to it and folks who were adamantly in favor of it, and probably most folks, arguably, were somewhere in the middle. You know what? Just use common sense is what I think the majority of people probably where they came from, but the loudest ones were at the fringes and they simply created and maybe this is really more in social media circles, but you see it all over the news too, which is another part of what Kevin said is kind of like avoiding the news is a good thing, not just politics in general, but now it's like be more proactive in getting news versus just letting stuff flow through your feed. But anyway it you know the because of the influence of that on people's thinking, it just created a sense of.
Speaker 3:I believe, and I strongly believe, and so much to the point where this is fact that this is the case of something where their masks don't work or they do work and distancing does work don't work, washing our hands work, whatever. Everything again, instead of just common sense and saying well, you know what? Maybe you should always wash your hands, whether or not there's a damn virus out there. You know, you get shit on your fingers and you wipe your nose you're gonna get sick.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's just the way biology or whatever the fuck that well that all comes to, and I always felt like mindset of people who because I agree as well be realistic, just be cautious about what you're getting yourself exposed to. It's always been out there and it's always going to be out there, but the mindset.
Speaker 2:I think of no good or bad. But there are people who need, even in a religious way, need that that community to hold to their beliefs or patterns in life and they need to kind of be guided. And so some people wanted to be guided into what they needed to do to be medically healthy and wear the masks or hand washing all this stuff like I never washed my groceries um, and come home from the store, unload and wipe it down like I just put it away. And so I think that there are still amongst us people who really want and need that guidance and others who are like please give me some space.
Speaker 3:You know, that's what and that's what makes me realize the power of televangelists, how they've gotten such a grip on many people because I've noticed that too is so many people want to be guided. That's the perfect way to put it Perfect.
Speaker 2:And then there's us. We're all rebels, the three of us.
Speaker 3:Well, I think we all come from a place of just common sense again, and I would hope that most people do, but maybe they're just the quiet ones.
Speaker 4:Well, that's challenging, though, lou, Like during that, you and I butt heads on a lot of our beliefs with what was going on, but we both believed ourselves to be using common sense, right yeah?
Speaker 3:And we also respected the other person, which I think is important. Well, yeah, for sure, that was lacking.
Speaker 4:But I think is important. Well, yeah, for sure that was lacking, but I think with something like that, it's almost like people look to find the evidence to support their beliefs, similar to what Nancy said. You know, and that's the challenge with having access to so much information. I was having a discussion with one of my buddies last weekend and he was talking about like naps and he had read a book or listened to a podcast or something and it was like naps are bad. And then he was reading this article of like the hundred most impactful self-help books and one of them was like the power of naps and why they're beneficial. So it's like you can find information to support whatever you believe. Information to support whatever you believe. Common sense is challenging because, like common sense, it even fluctuates with your emotional state. Right, like something might make sense when you're feeling a certain way and then, when you're feeling a different way, it doesn't. You're like what the fuck? Yeah, it's all. It's all challenging. How did we get on this topic from talking?
Speaker 2:We were talking about community and so what is? And I think people leaned into community of guidance. But so what? What would you guys say is a place that you find community? Where do you find your connection with other people?
Speaker 4:Work is one place. Jiu-jitsu has been a really good, had a really good impact for me with, like, being consistent with working out and enjoying something.
Speaker 2:I think, if you can branch out, Jiu-jitsu is also mindset, sorry, but that's totally a mindset thing too. That's totally a mindset thing too. And people with like work, you might bring multiple interests together and find a way to coexist for the common mission. But jujitsu, you're like coming together to do something very aligned.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's very specific. That's a good point.
Speaker 3:It does create some energy, though. Synergy and energy. You know when, when you're around people who share an interest like that, it almost feels, I bet, like if you're doing jujitsu yourself, practicing at home, versus with the group. It's a different vibe.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it is. And when you're new, I think the coolest thing is like going and I I assume it's like everything else like, say, you're trying to find a counselor, you know, the first one you talk to you may not vibe with. You want to be able to have a connection and a resonance with of people that you do resonate with. But it's what's cool about it is and I guess you could find this with other stuff, but even more so there because when you're, when you first start going, you're very you're inexperienced and you know maybe you have some ego walking in like ah, whatever, like I'm tough, I've always been tough to figure, it always been figured out like you just get very surprised and humbled extremely quickly, and so the people that are there, that have been doing it for a number of years, like they evolve to a state at a minimum, unless they've always had this characteristic of like mentoring and wanting to guide and help you and you know you're still gonna learn a lot and be humbled, but in a way that you feel like you're being guided, almost. So it's like a support system and, yeah, it's very focused on that specific art. I consider it to be an art, um, and it's just, it's a good it's. It's just. I mean, I really enjoy it. It's to the point now where, like it's just a habit, now I'm getting up even earlier in the morning because I was getting up at like 5.30. Now I'm getting up earlier to go to the gym and lift before I go and sit in the sauna for a little bit. So it's like helping me create these other good habits that I'm implementing. So that's what stuck out to me with community. The work thing, I do agree with you, nancy, but really anything that you do that you are passionate about or you feel like serves you really well. Maybe that is a good step to going out like, say, you wanted to get into meditation or something like finding a group of people that are doing the same thing, people that can guide you and mentor you and then eventually become part of your support system.
Speaker 4:Melissa has, um, her work does, does like some events, like sponsoring, or they show up to these events called run, run to the pub. I believe they're just like on the south side of Chicago, but they go to a different like bar and then they all meet up it's just a group of people and then they go run like a 5k and they come back and they have food and some drinks they like do it once a week and it's just the energy that they have when they're all together. It's just cool, it's awesome. It's like would the majority of these people be running if they were completely on their own and they didn't have this group of support? I don't know, but I know when they come they're excited. They get to hang out with people that they built friendships with. They get to get some exercise, have a drink and some dinner, like it's just, it's pretty cool, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally that's. I want to hear you lose community. But that's my group Like, I'm hiking today with some friends and we try to get together at least once a month and we hike and eat. But we enjoy doing the physical thing, getting out various places, seeing whatever we can see, being in the outdoors, and then, yeah, just enjoy the aftermath of whatever that is. Where do you find community, Lou?
Speaker 3:You know that's an interesting question and I actually don't. I can't pinpoint or specify say, a certain community over others, or where I'm going with this is. I've always been the type of person that I love meeting new people. So I try to either create new communities or simply join communities and then I may be part of, say, a community for a little while, and not that I get bored. It's just that, since I like meeting new people, I've already met those people, so I need to meet new people. I don't know if that sounds weird, but you know like.
Speaker 2:But what about Toastmasters? Like? I feel like Toastmasters brings you home in place.
Speaker 3:But you know, what's interesting about that is when someone says, oh, would you be interested in joining this other club? I'm like, yeah, sure, because I'm going to be meeting new people. I end up being in three, four, five clubs and I have to say, some of them I even may not renew my membership because I'm like, okay, now I'm off on this new club and with these new people. So even in that world I'm meeting new people and that's kind of been the way with me for life. I'm not an extremely athletic person, but I enjoyed sports as a kid and in early adult life and what I would do is, ah, there's a volleyball league popping up over there. I think I'm going to go play. I'll play for a season and then, oh, look at that, a basketball league. I'll just try different things and I'm not good.
Speaker 3:But with me again, it's all about just meeting new people, learning and that and I, and that's what I thrive on.
Speaker 3:I don't know if that makes me weird, but it it's.
Speaker 3:It's almost like, again, maybe there's that part of me also that just really likes to learn and hear different perspectives and listen to different things, like much of what I do in life, I will say is also just observe. I'll observe how things around me are going, and that's how I learn and grow, and that's why, when you, when you, ask that question, I just thought, wow, you know, right now, while I do have certain communities that I'm a part of, like Toastmasters, like you said, and at work, I do have a very tight knit group Like in my prior life, the, the groups I worked in, or departments I worked in, and groups I was a part of, could be 50 plus, so we're talking hundreds of people, and at any point in time, I might work with different people. It wasn't the project, work wasn't where I always just reported to one boss, had a couple of colleagues, and that was it. Now I'm in a department where there's only four others and my boss, and now it's like very tight knit.
Speaker 2:So, so I what I really like about that, though, is I get to know them much on a much more deeper level you both actually said what you like about the places that you feel that you're in community, and I think there's finding community and being like work might be being in community and a choice like whatever group you're in Lou or jujitsu is finding community. But in both cases you guys said what's in there for you is learning, is something new, it's it's it's growth.
Speaker 3:I think that's an important part of life is simply exposure to new and different things and learning, and that goes along like what Kevin shared earlier. How you know, he and I may have some different views on things, but I do believe, even those we are very, say, strong in our beliefs, that we are also very open to hearing other things and simply, either when we feel we have the time perhaps always, though, is searching for evidence or other things to, you know, support, and, but some of that also just gets it. Well, you know what it is kind of what it is. That's the way the world kind of goes sometimes, and I think I've even heard him share this several times is we may not ever know. We don't know what we don't know. We may not ever know what we don't know because it's just either difficult, challenging or impossible to find, say, either evidence, but we I appreciate the fact that at least we put ourselves in.
Speaker 3:Okay, you know what? I'm sort of on this side of the fence, but I can see there's another side, and I understand, and I think it's important, because, no matter what community we are in, I think if we and I think I'll put religion in this category if that community tends to be overly I don't want to use the word controlling, but overly, what's the word? Where it has a an effect on you, a powerful effect is where it's overly influential in a way that prevents us from kind of executing or or exuding our own personal creativity and freedom of thought and whatnot, then I think that that's, that's not a good community.
Speaker 4:Otherwise, even religious communities, I think, are important, you know, they instill values and I think a lot of that depends on the person too, because I you have people that are heavily influenced, but then they try to put their influence onto others or maybe have a negative view of people that don't have the same viewpoints, but then you have people that are positively impacted by the influence of their spirituality or their religion and they just utilize it to lift themselves up and they don't judge others that don't believe they. It's for them. You know, and I think that is the positive side of it, and I've seen it have a positive impact on others, and I didn't agree with the same viewpoints, but it helped them and I think that's awesome.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I agree that whole part about say wanting others to either think like we think or believe how we believe and all that kind of stuff. I remember growing up I did grow up Catholic. I was an altar boy for many years Sunday school every week, church every week, sometimes more than once a week, always on. You know all that. It was very powerful. But not once did I ever receive a message from the priests that I worked with other church leaders that you need to go out in the world and spread the word and tell them that they must be of this religion. I never got that.
Speaker 3:It was all coming from a. This is, you know, what we believe as a community. It's for individual nourishment and improvement and take it for you know what you will. But it was all about personal growth and you know, I look back on that. I think that that was. It doesn't seem to be. It's so hard nowadays to compare because I don't know again if it's the loudest parts of communities that are what we hear more, but it seems like there's sometimes, when I just hear and observe that there's more, who seem to want more. You know others to believe what they believe, kind of thing with religion, but again, I could be wrong.
Speaker 4:I think that goes even beyond religion, because I had like an awakening or like a aha moment when I was learning how to coach effectively Right, and I've always like I'm a natural helper, like I want to help other people. I think a lot of it's from the trauma I've been through and being able to help myself and learn what works for me, and there's this natural inclination of being like well, this worked for me, like, try this, if you're feeling shitty, like hop in a cold shower, do an ice bath. It's like it's okay to identify, help people, identify what they have going on and be there to support. But it's not one size fits all for anybody, right, everybody's different. I think the most important thing that we can do as individuals is find what makes sense to us and then give that a shot and follow through.
Speaker 2:It's so true, and we tend to want to fix. Our experience tells us what we know and we want to use what we know to help fix others. And they don't need us to fix them. They want support, but they don't want to be told what to do. At least, it's kind of interesting, the whole concept of coaching.
Speaker 3:I mean the word really says it all. It's about helping and helping the person find their own strength and skill and knowledge and developing that and you know and all that. It isn't controlling or leading down a specific path or advising anything like that. I mean that, which may be why I really enjoy the work I do now versus what I've done in years past, only because that's been the natural shift in my own life's path. And what I enjoy in life is that I'm able to use more coaching in what I do now, because a lot of the folks I deal with do come with questions what about this and what about that? I'm like well, here's information you evaluate and interpret.
Speaker 4:When you can like implement that into real-world scenarios, then you can help people become intrinsically motivated and want to change. It's a balance I feel like. Habitually I just end up trying to spurt out answers, but if you can help and guide someone to find their own answers, I feel like that's more like everlasting, because that's growth for them, versus getting an answer and then maybe utilizing and implementing it. Maybe not.
Speaker 2:They find something intrinsic to them so they feel more empowered to follow whatever those ideas or actions are, versus someone telling them what to do.
Speaker 3:And granted some of this. It really it varies. The types of examples and scenarios I've been with are such a broad spectrum. It could be something as simple as troubleshooting a technical problem, which again I'm like, well, I'm not at your computer and I don't say this to them, but I say it in my mind, so I can't see what you're seeing and replicate. But here are some tips, troubleshooting tips, and those are often things that are not just specific to my business, my company. It's in the world. In other words, maybe some folks just don't know about cookies and things like that, I don't know. But and then others say, could be more from a legal perspective, depending on the businesses we're in. We should not say certain things in a in a.
Speaker 2:you should do this kind of method because, yeah, it could go down a legal path yeah, could go down a legal path, uh, but what I found is well, like what you just said. Sorry, what you just said, though, really, um, inspired me from the perspective, like, when you're getting tech support. Sometimes it's insulting and demeaning when someone like tells you all these things you need to do instead of saying what have you already done. Like, just ask what have you already done, and then that person is happy to share, versus feel like they're repeating uselessness right in a process that yeah especially the.
Speaker 3:Is your computer turned on? Is the power button on? I'm like I remember those days. I'm like you got to be fucking kidding me. You're at your that's, that's your troubleshooting tip. But no, in this day and age now, with tech being so the way, it is not everyone. I'm not a tech expert by any means. I only go by what I know, but I most oftentimes I end up pulling in other experts and that's kind of. Another example of the broadening of my own community is I end up meeting new people, both at my place of business because I don't do you know, we still have over a thousand people so I meet new people on a regular, based on the situations that come my way from my clients and then at their company. So I was like, okay, we'll meet some new people and make some new relationships here. So that's really great. Do either of you attend conferences associated either with business or otherwise? Yes, two.
Speaker 2:Those are great. It's been a while.
Speaker 3:I've always found those to be really enjoyable. Communities that literally as you're around, people that share a common interest, a very targeted interest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you get all kinds of new ideas around people that share a common interest, a very targeted interest. Yeah, yeah, you get all kinds of new ideas and perspective on on similar interests, right, yeah, so it's a cool opportunity.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've always like when folks, yeah, folks who have shared with me that you know things are interested in, I'll often ask that like, have you been to? I don't know. Let's say there's a sewing, they're interested in sewing, a sewing conference or whatever. Because oftentimes when you're around other people who share your interests it just brings up additional energy. Then it also can help you to really when did? Sewing come from? Well, I don't know.
Speaker 4:I was just trying to use an example because what I've learned, too, is I was curious as well.
Speaker 3:Well, there's just so many darn groups out there. That's the other thing is you know, as I'm looking for you know, say you're interested in.
Speaker 4:Is that sweater you're wearing?
Speaker 3:Well, no, it's a thermal and it's Ralph Lauren.
Speaker 2:I mean it struck me because I got my degree in textiles and I did pattern, flat pattern and draping design and I sewed a lot of sewing in my life.
Speaker 3:So you know I was trying to think of the most obscure kind of conference thing that I could. That I sorry, but that's not my interest. I wouldn't go to. I would throw this away if there was a hole and go buy a new one versus sew it. But that was to point out that there are so many. You know I'm in Chicago now. I used to live in a much more rural area and realizing, my goodness, there's the. I don't know. I'm trying to think of something even more obscure than sewing, but the conference for donut lovers, there's just a conference for everything. It's amazing and I just think, wow, you know, if folks have a certain interest in mind, what a wonderful way to join a community, see if you really would enjoy being part of that community, is simply go to a conference, you know two, three days, like the Comic-Con thing, stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Those are great, yeah, I guess, guess, I guess, through all of this, one of the things that we're highlighting for listeners is, if you feel like something's missing, find, find your community. You know, and, like lou said, there are so many, so feel free to step out and see if there are some like-minded people, and stepping out could be a Facebook group, it could be a zoom, it could be a meetup. It doesn't have to be that you have to hit the street, but find your community.
Speaker 4:And I just wanted to mention I will add real quick, I just wanted to mention, like I think one of the strengths of what we're discussing is that it kind of pulls you out of just focusing on yourself and helps you to think about others and, like Lou, your example at Toastmasters you know you're a veteran with public speaking, right Like you've been doing this for a number of years. You're a what do they call the Distinguished Distinguished, yes, right. So I'm sure a part of going to the new um branches or clubs is that you know you'll be able to mentor people and you might have people that are there that are like shaking and crying. They're so scared of public speaking and you can impart some of your knowledge and experience to assist them. And so it becomes more about others than just yourself and we have talked about being other people centered in previous episodes and the impact that that has. So it's not you know, just about you. It will have benefits, but I feel like it becomes about others. Love that Excellent point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was just going to add that, even though we are in this what I'll call new normal I'm still not sure if the dust has settled but and by new normal I mean work from home, do things from home you can participate in clubs from home, hobbies from home, via Zoom, via any video platform, and still be part of a community. I do think, though, it's important, maybe, to at least still get back out there and be around people. I think, as humans, it's important to still be around others, and I wasn't myself always sure of, or understanding of the mental health issue, impact of the whole lockdown thing and all that until I read more stories and heard more things, and I will say even, maybe even with myself, went through. Some times I'm like, wow, maybe this is what they're talking about. You know, I'm at home doing nothing, and when you really experience yourself is probably where more you're apt to understand something. But bottom line is, I think, as humans, it's still important to get out and be around others. Hopefully, one of the communities that are listeners out there that you decide to explore something new might be part of being around other people.
Speaker 3:We hope that you enjoyed this episode and found something entertaining and educational from it. It's interesting how oftentimes our conversations do go down certain tangents, but you know what? That's how we operate here. That's how we roll. We enjoy it. We always have great conversations. We hope again that you like this episode. Please listen to our other episodes and we look forward to you joining us on our next one. Bye for now.