Imagine being at a gathering where your birth order may silently dictate your connections and choices. We share personal tales of how these invisible threads weave through our relationships, and ponder if friends mirror our own family standings. We also lift the veil on how our inner color schemes—yes, we're talking personality types—can either clash or complement when mingling in society or collaborating in the workplace. It's an episode rich with self-discovery and maybe a few "aha!" moments as we dissect the hues of our true colors against the canvas of our birth orders.
Imagine being at a gathering where your birth order may silently dictate your connections and choices. We share personal tales of how these invisible threads weave through our relationships, and ponder if friends mirror our own family standings. We also lift the veil on how our inner color schemes—yes, we're talking personality types—can either clash or complement when mingling in society or collaborating in the workplace. It's an episode rich with self-discovery and maybe a few "aha!" moments as we dissect the hues of our true colors against the canvas of our birth orders.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House bitch with Nancy, kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house.
Speaker 1:Hello folks, welcome back to another exciting, educational and entertaining episode of Clean your. I'm going to say friggin' today. I'm not in a cussing mood. Today it is Sunday for us over here, so that could explain in part why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. Anyway, folks, were you a firstborn? Or I should say, are you a firstborn, a middleborn, a lastborn or an only child? Today we're going to explore this concept in a bit more detail, the concept being birth order theory and, interestingly, as Nancy, kevin and I were chatting, we discovered that, upon bringing in Kevin's wife, melissa, that we cover all four of those categories. We have a firstborn, a middleborn quote unquote, it's the fifth of six, but still in the middle A lastborn and an only child, and I think that creates for a very interesting conversation, because if any of you look up research birth order theory, you're going to see some interesting articles and cool graphics on, I guess, the theoretical personality traits of each of those birth order people.
Speaker 3:Sure, but more importantly about what your experience was right as whichever person you were in the lineup. What happened around you? What did you feel?
Speaker 1:And if you feel you align with what that theory describes you, as I think all of us have shared that for the most part it aligns. There's maybe a few items, although I will share. When I look at some of those labels I'm like, yeah, that kind of falls in line with the whole psychic business model you are a good person. I see that in my crystal ball. Well, yeah, who the hell is going to say they're not a good person? So it kind of, but still I connect it. I think of the what was it eight or nine or 10 traits on the chart. I connect it with all but one. I thought that was pretty fascinating.
Speaker 3:You share?
Speaker 1:what might that?
Speaker 3:be Tell us.
Speaker 1:I will. I'll share with folks out there the particular list for me. I am a last born, five of five. The list says that, according to birth order theory, I am uncomplicated, manipulative, makes attention, self-centered, fun, social, charming and outgoing. Arguably, some of these are opinion based, like, yeah, I might consider myself fun and some other people might say, damn, you're boring as hell. All that aside, it's really what I connect with myself when looking at myself, and I connected with all of these except manipulative, and I even shared with Kevin and Nancy that I feel I'm probably more easily manipulated than being a manipulate or otherwise. I connected with all of them. Nancy, what about you? What are your traits and how do you connect?
Speaker 3:Well, I am number five of six and even before looking at the list I felt like for me what that meant is that I'm highly observant, I was always watching what was happening and that indicated my next steps or action not to take. I'm flexible, you got to be, you got to be flexible. I'm comfortable with a variety of situations because I grew up with a variety of situations. The list says that I'm with you, lou. I think, like the first thing says, feels left out. I don't think so. I don't know, maybe sometimes. But peacemaker, social, adoptable, can be rebellious. I think it's just defensive, like I protect myself in my own space and not going to be pushed around, and independent. So I would say, yeah, that the research indicates things that seem truthful for my experience. How's?
Speaker 2:our audience.
Speaker 3:I am looking today. Oh, Lou, you were going to introduce our guest today. We have Melissa Kristine Anderson with us today, and I don't even know where in the lineup do you fit?
Speaker 2:Melissa, I am a firstborn and then, looking at this chart, I am very much a firstborn, going over the different traits responsible, motivated, conscientious, controlling, cautious, reliable, perfectionist, achiever, leader, bossy yeah, I can definitely say I'm a little bit of all of those, wow.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and it's funny because I think, in the ways that I'm, that I would consider myself not quite an aggressive form of those, but in my day-to-day home life, work life, I definitely have those traits. I'm very type A, I'm a manager within my role. I delegate like crazy. I feel like I'm very good at delegating. I just as a firstborn, that's definitely the things and the person I've kind of grown up in through. Yeah, they all check out Fascinating yeah.
Speaker 3:You're a leader. I think that firstborn, subconsciously, is a leader and they don't even know it, but they get to experience all the things first and then relish in what they've learned. And then the kids that follow you know they're guiding and they don't even know it when they're young and it's transformed into your adult life.
Speaker 2:Well and you were the one how many siblings do you have? I have two younger sisters, so I was the one. Well, I was the test dummy, I feel like, for a lot of it, but making the decisions first and that type of stuff. But then I think as firstborns those all soften when you get the siblings because you learn how to share and be a little bit gentler and I think the siblings almost soften those traits, whereas if we go into the only child aspects they reroute a little into something different. Shots fired.
Speaker 1:Did you feel that at first you were excited to have a new baby sister when the first sibling came along and then, damn, I wish I was an only child again. Like, did any of that kind of go through?
Speaker 2:I don't think so. I was young. So my sisters and I are all two years apart. So even my youngest sister and I were only four years apart. So I really don't remember the receiving of the sibling. I just remember growing up, enjoying having siblings. But I was also the oldest so I could have my own space and time like the younger two and I think it's different for each family, but the younger two were each other's buddies most of the time, and if I wanted to go off by myself, I could, type of thing. So I think I was maybe a little bit only child in that aspect. I remember growing up, though like more in like elementary school, high school, I was the first student, so I had to figure out and learn everything for myself, and I remember it being thoroughly, thoroughly frustrating that like I had to help my sisters. When I didn't get help, like I had to figure it out for myself, but like, oh, help them with their math homework, I'm like, but I had to do it all by myself. So you know, type of thing.
Speaker 4:And that's why you're so good at math. That's why I'm so good at it.
Speaker 1:Extra practice Definitely would explain it. You know this kind of I think we should hear from Kevin, certainly next sense, I think we heard from everyone else in terms of your profile, your category and if you align with those traits or not.
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay, I'm an only child, so here is my list Seeks approval sensitive leader, confident, center of attention, mature for their age, conscious, responsible and perfectionist. I think it's probably accurate. I don't know about the seeks approval. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2:I think you're constantly seeking approval, totally Like. You can't even I don't know if it's a male thing, but like, even like when we're leaving the house. What should I wear? Should I wear this?
Speaker 1:That's not seeking fashion advice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't have fashion, so I'm trying to look presentable, maybe For when you show me off and maybe I think there's this tough exterior that is in your mind that I am a strong person, and then there are these things that you want others to like and respect about you.
Speaker 1:And I'll share, melissa, that even for like, for me, fashion has never been a thing. I don't care like what I wear If I'm with someone else, I do not want to embarrass them. So I might actually ask that same thing my God, does this shirt go with these pants? Or because I have no sense at all of that at all?
Speaker 2:Again wasn't sure if it was a male thing or just, but that's just like the first example that popped in my head.
Speaker 1:Interesting. Now, Nancy, you're normally our resident research expert. Did you do more digging into birth or to theory Cause I'm curious as to how these groups might interact or fit together, like, is there such a thing as opposites attract, with two first borns naturally connect or not? Or?
Speaker 3:Well, what Melissa said was interesting. That my brother has my oldest, the first of our kids has shared is that he didn't feel like the leader. We all looked up to him, we admired him, he had all these skills, he did all these things and we had that him on a pedestal and he's like I think I was just a fuck up. I think you know, and that all these things that happened we weren't aware of maybe as as much as my dad pushed him or challenged him or scolded and punished him. You know, we didn't know and we didn't see it that way. So I think it's interesting that from the inside and the outside, the experience is really different for people and what that position and family might be like.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. It's how they're perceived by us and then how they perceive themselves. Each of these, yeah, categories.
Speaker 3:And what you just said, lou, is exactly where our whole conversation started today, before we started recording, and that was about community and how people tend to gravitate to like groups of people who hold the same values as them, who enjoy the same activities, maybe are the same nationality or from certain geographic areas, and so it's interesting how different kinds of people gravitate towards each other and where they find themselves comfortable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and as an extension to that, we also explored the fact that as humans, especially when we're children, we tend to be naturally curious about those who aren't like us. You know, oftentimes when it's more of a from a visual perspective, kids have a natural curiosity to want to know more about why someone or something you know, something they're not familiar with.
Speaker 2:I just thought it was interesting to like reading off the first and the only traits A lot of them were similar and then, before we even had read those like, the way it made sense in my mind was you're first born until you're not, you know, and that's like how you're molded, you know. So I wonder if that's like.
Speaker 4:You're basically an only child that learned how to share.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 2:But like you, yeah, learn. Learn other variations, I don't know. I do ask birth order a lot when I'm interviewing Because I do see those traits a lot within, like work ethics.
Speaker 3:What do you look for now? What's meaningful to like?
Speaker 2:when you ask that what's meaningful, Typically I candidates that and it's not like a decision maker in my hiring process. It's normally like at the end of the interview after I've kind of learned what I, what I like, don't like about them within an interview, and it'll be more like casual conversation. But it's like what birth order are you? Because I like seeing if those traits kind of align and nine times out of 10. It's first child, firstborn child are a lot of like the good candidates I get Interesting.
Speaker 1:Who his last borns are good people to Wait. You said firstborn.
Speaker 2:Firstborn, so I typically see a lot of firstborn talking about.
Speaker 4:She's a firstborn Connect. Oh to her. See Excellent point.
Speaker 2:I? That's never. It's normally like after they've said things are answered in a certain way. Then my brain goes to I wonder what birth order they are like. It's that's always like after people say and respond a certain way, you can almost kind of tell where they're at. But then there's scenarios where it's completely different. Like I have a co worker she's, she's a twin, but the twins are technically in the middle, but she 100% acts like a firstborn, like she's the, she's the caretaker of everyone, she's the leader in the family, like all that. And I'm in health care too. So like I think those type of roles like the caretaker, the helpers, the leaders, in that aspect, I don't know, I think I just coincidentally come across a lot of firstborn like traits.
Speaker 4:That's interesting because, like family, dynamics can change and alter over time. So I'm wondering it so this is more like completely nurture, kind of like how we were environment is and what you have to kind of handle and the challenges that you have to overcome, so you, this can adjust over time 100%, or even think about like blended families to now. I'm not seeking attention at all anymore, guys. I'm gonna wear a pants with a gray shirt and a random.
Speaker 1:You're not a striped dress shirt with a polka dot tie.
Speaker 3:You would feel weird if you went out like that. You couldn't do a hundred full shit.
Speaker 1:We know what? Maybe it's an interesting.
Speaker 2:We just got a car that Kevin had researched for like months and he had to have this car because no one like you don't see this car anywhere on the road like it, just 100% only was it that?
Speaker 4:Is it red?
Speaker 1:Elon Musk tank looking things.
Speaker 2:Red was a hard no for me. So what kind of car, is it?
Speaker 4:Genesis.
Speaker 1:Oh, my favorite car. I used to have a Genesis back in 2012, in 2012. My favorite car all time, all time. And I that mother had 420 horse on it 430 horses, matter of fact.
Speaker 4:I wanted it for me. I'm seeking my own approval.
Speaker 1:Oh no, that's an awesome car, good choice. I hope Melissa approves.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love it.
Speaker 1:I love the family after all, so all decisions have to go through her.
Speaker 3:What is that? What makes him the boss of the family?
Speaker 4:No, melissa is. She is, I thought you said Kevin wasn't. I was like Ramam up and arm, no questions when Kevin's the boss, but if Melissa is the boss?
Speaker 1:She's first born.
Speaker 2:she's definitely we're pretty equal. I would say in most, like I think there's certain things where I'm more adamant about and he's more adamant about other things, but in most, most scenarios, I would say we're pretty equal, do you not agree?
Speaker 4:I don't know, I don't want to say anything and getting problems.
Speaker 2:It's about to be a counseling session, yeah.
Speaker 4:Well, we have two qualified people to talk to.
Speaker 3:We'll do any of you feel uncomfortable in a group of people, Like if you had this awareness that, oh, these aren't my peeps. And what kind of situations are you uncomfortable in?
Speaker 1:I already have stories to share there. Now, in hindsight, feel that I've run into a lot of first-borns and boy we did not click because they were very bossy and they were not happy with either my pace of things or my direction of things and would erupt In terms of the color scheme with personality traits solid red, fire red and I'm a yellow, I'm lackadaisical and easy-going and boy that did not blend well with them.
Speaker 4:You all can come together and make them orange.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll put them together, Would be nice.
Speaker 3:I'm struggling with that, lou, because lackadaisical and flexible don't go with them. Mathematician and needing a formula and executing to structure I'm surprised to hear that.
Speaker 1:Well, that mathematical side of me really falls under the blue color scheme of the four color schemes, like green is earthy crunchy, red is a fiery bossy, yellow is the laid-back social and blue is the analytical numbers. I'm actually 50-50, yellow-blue. There's that left brain side of me that's all numbers and the right brain side of me that's all yellow. But the blue side with the numbers is all about yes, when I'm giving a task that involves putting together a spreadsheet or otherwise solving a problem mathematically, I'm all on it and I can do it. But if the red person says you should get this done in two weeks and I'm like no, but it's going to take me three, there's where the conflict is created.
Speaker 3:Okay, I can feel that.
Speaker 1:And I will say, at my company, which is a company I have rejoined after leaving about eight years ago, this whole concept of color scheme was a new thing with all the new hires, but we had to go through this exercise. It's called discovery, insights or insights discovery, something like that which did not exist before, and it was all about helping us to understand others in our company who are of different colors. So I can actually look up someone's color in a directory and know okay, this is how I probably should have my emails worded and my conversations and all that which I got to say I've found to be extremely helpful, and this is kind of a similar thing. Like Melissa said, knowing somebody's birth order, I think, helps understanding where someone else is coming from.
Speaker 3:I love that perspective. But it also felt like in the moment wow, why wouldn't we want to just be open and learn terminology and ways to communicate with everybody that feels inclusive? And I can tell you back years ago in a job we did, we were all given the different organizations had to work together and there was often a lot of come bad, of bizarre. Intentions were different between buying and distributing, let's just say. And so we had to do that same insights program so we could learn about each other, so we could work, be more understanding of each other and work together better. So there's some value in understanding these things of each other and being more flexible and open and understanding. But also I fear there's this thing where people would start looking up in the directory oh, he's a blue, he's always negative, he's red, he's always bossy. I don't know, am I the crazy?
Speaker 1:one? No, in part. It was meant to help us understand where the other one comes from. And, as an example, I had a boss many years ago who and this is at a time when we all worked in person at headquarters. It wasn't a remote work thing, even though that thing still existed at many companies. Many companies still had virtual work environments as a consequence of different roles, but I was at headquarters, my boss was there, I worked for her, I'm down the hall. Her emails to me would usually be one-liners how's that project coming along? And, of course, my email's back her hi Ann, how was your day? Hope you're doing well how are the?
Speaker 1:kids Before I'd get to anything about the project. She didn't want to hear all that shit. She's like cut to the fucking chase, will ya? I just want to get the good shit going. And that created a conflict, because I'm like, damn, she don't give a shit about me and this bossy person just it's thinking I'm slacking off because the way I interpret a sentence like that is what the hell? What's wrong with you? You don't have results yet and it was not the case at all on either of our parts.
Speaker 1:So I think it's my understanding of the other person as well as they understanding me. And then it doesn't mean I have to retort with one-liners to her, but if I wanted to be respectable of her where she comes from, that would help. At the same time, she could throw in a I'm doing well, thank you now and then. Yeah, that's what it was so with. I think, melissa, this question might be directed at you, although it could be for you, both, you and Kevin. To kind of answer is do you feel that the only child and the firstborn is almost like an opposite attract thing when it comes to your marriage, or not matter at all, or merely understanding? That is a help.
Speaker 2:Actually I think we're similar in a lot of ways, like the leadership, the independent, those aspects, but then the like. In my opinion, the drastic difference is the sharing. Sharing was a key thing in my dynamic and obviously as an only child, like you have cousins and all that, but it's different and my mom's an only child too. So there's definitely traits with her and Kevin share and it's interesting to see. So I wouldn't necessarily say I would say we're like very similar in many ways, but then there's some very distinct differences that we had to like, grow with and I think those can for sure be relationship deal breakers if they were strong enough. So like the sharing thing for me.
Speaker 4:But the way that we overcame the sharing thing was Melissa would hide her favorite treats in various places around the house, so I didn't have access. I would just consume them all.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I would buy groceries, the bag of trail mix, Like I'm thinking 50, 50, right, that's just like how life has always worked. And now, granted, kevin has informed me that he is larger than me and just eats more than me in general, like, okay, 60, 40, fine, whatever. But it wouldn't even be 60 40. It would be 90, 10, maybe on a lucky day. And I'm like where's the trail mix? He's like I ate it all. I'm like I didn't even get any. So, yes, at first we had to start hiding things. Now he is very good about being conscious of at least saving a couple of whatever couple nuts and I'm going out and buy more bags.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or you could just go out and buy more bags. Well thank you, Lou Okay, oh sorry, not meant to cross the risk there.
Speaker 2:Could buy more.
Speaker 1:Well, trail mix is pretty expensive too, so I can kind of Well.
Speaker 2:I mean, and that it's just like you think you have something and you're budgeting like your portion of it versus Kevin just going through it.
Speaker 1:I was actually like I was going to ask did Kevin not let you drive the car yet? What's up with this sharing thing? Yeah no you drove it.
Speaker 2:I drove it at the dealership.
Speaker 4:He's not a good share, I'm telling you.
Speaker 3:I've seen her here.
Speaker 4:I've seen her here, curb or two.
Speaker 2:Well, I also drive a Jeep, so when you drive a Jeep it's a little bit different. You're not too worried about curves.
Speaker 1:Good point, wow. So how else do you connect with your middle, middle child self, nancy?
Speaker 3:I mean, I think that I do. I have relationships with all of them and they're all all my siblings and they're all very diverse and I think that shows up in my friendships too. So I'm because I'm open to the age range and the diversity of personalities, my friends reflect that same kind of environment. I have very diverse friend groups and wide range of ages because I'm comfortable with everybody and most situations.
Speaker 1:Have you ever had a Marsha Marsha Marsha moment? And for those who don't know what that means in our audience, just Google Marsha, marsha, marsha and you'll learn.
Speaker 3:I was never really a Brady Bunch fan, so while I've heard that, I don't really know what that moment is.
Speaker 1:Oh, the middle child, jan, is upset because Marsha gets all the attention. Marsha is the club president, marsha is, you know, getting everything and she's not. She's overlooked Well.
Speaker 3:I will say I am the younger. There's four boys and two girls and I'm the younger girl and maybe as the younger girl, I got a little bit of extra attention and that might have been harder for my sister, but only sometimes. But no, I think it just comes back to being flexible and the middle child, because you have to be able to be fluid in the moment of whatever the hell is going on with the rest of the people in your family.
Speaker 4:So do you guys feel like we would connect more with those that are similar to us? Because, like I've been thinking about people that I connect with. Nancy, you had a question of like who do you feel comfortable around? And for me, like I said before we started recording, it's more about like connection and like life philosophy and how you execute throughout your life and are you goal driven, like some of those like characteristics, but I'm wondering if we do connect more with, like, a certain type of birth order. So what I'm looking for Maybe, but I don't similarities Sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean that's possible, but I haven't really assessed it, like I don't really know.
Speaker 4:Like thinking about the people that you're closest, because you said you have like a lot of people that you're connected to. Have you ever you've never thought about like their birth order? Do you know it? Because I was thinking I'm like I don't really know a lot of people's birth orders.
Speaker 3:Well, when I just take a moment and think about the friends I hang with the most, it does seem that they are more middle children than the youngest or the oldest and so, maybe subconsciously yes, I always thought of it more as that I had a wider range of age that I was comfortable with, because that's what I grew up around a wider age range of people. But maybe it is more middle children and I wasn't even aware of it.
Speaker 1:I never even heard of birth order theory. It never came across my radar until today. So this is actually interesting. But as I look back at my own relationships in the past, my best friend in high school is a last born. My best friend in college that I still communicate to this day is a last born and I am very sure that and actually now that I'm thinking about it more, a good friend of mine here in Chicago that she and I still keep in touch with after having worked together and my leaving that job, she's also a last born. So I think what Nancy said you probably didn't know at the time, but looking back like I can verify that that was the case for me and, as I mentioned earlier, I had challenges with first born, so no surprise that I connected more easily with the last born.
Speaker 3:I'm leaning back to what Kevin said, though, too, about values and philosophy of life, and who I spend more time with now are people who are aligned, and then I can then enjoy that time with them, because I've been thrown into situations with people like what am I doing here, and so it feels like more of a choice now to be connected to people I'm aligned with versus those that don't really share the same values I do or interests.
Speaker 1:You know it's funny like I often talk about family and here it comes, here's the family thing. Oh yeah, I've been waiting. But yeah, I will share that. My mom is a last born and now I was very close to her, although it's hard to separate if it's the fact that I was the baby because I'm the last born or that she's also a last born. But as I think about my life, how I behave, how I think, I look back at her and go shit, I'm just like my mother. Just like my mother in so many ways. I've noticed it and thankfully, because of the work that all of us do, I was able to kind of step away and observe myself in certain conditions, not at the moment because I would have reacted differently, but upon hindsight going shit, what did I just do or say I'm like damn, that's something my mother would have done or said. And I realized just like her, yeah.
Speaker 4:The apples fall far from the tree Lou.
Speaker 1:Hey, good way to end a segment. Huh, I think we fully much explored this concept. A lot interesting choice of topic. I really enjoyed this. I hope all of our listeners out there enjoyed it as well. You found it both educational, entertaining. We look forward to you joining us on our next episode, which I'm sure will be as equally interesting and entertaining. Bye for now.