Have you ever found yourself at the crossroads of change, where every direction promises growth but also bears its own hidden costs? Embark with us on a candid exploration of personal transformation, where Kevin, Nancy, and I dissect the challenges and opportunities that come with pivotal life shifts. From hastily concocting change plans to reliving past triumphs as a compass for future aspirations, our dialogue promises a deeper understanding of how to approach life's inevitable evolutions with grace and strategy.
In the heart of our discussion lies the precarious balance between slashing life's energy drains outright or navigating a tactful retreat. We offer a practical exercise designed to transform your perspective on life's worries, fostering a mindset of gratitude and a richer appreciation for our emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. Moreover, we dive into the profound 'why beneath the why' to uncover the core motivations driving our pursuit of change, championing introspection as a tool to propel us forward without defensiveness.
As we wrap up, the narrative shifts to the ripple effects our personal changes have within our circles of influence. We scrutinize the dynamics of trust and relationships, both personal and professional, acknowledging that the bonds we forge can have greater impact than any hierarchical standing. By embracing the idea that one person's positive shift can ignite a transformation within others, we celebrate the enduring benefits of change and the inner drive it stokes to reach for the life we truly want. Join us for this insightful trek into the heart of personal growth and how it shapes the world around us.
Have you ever found yourself at the crossroads of change, where every direction promises growth but also bears its own hidden costs? Embark with us on a candid exploration of personal transformation, where Kevin, Nancy, and I dissect the challenges and opportunities that come with pivotal life shifts. From hastily concocting change plans to reliving past triumphs as a compass for future aspirations, our dialogue promises a deeper understanding of how to approach life's inevitable evolutions with grace and strategy.
In the heart of our discussion lies the precarious balance between slashing life's energy drains outright or navigating a tactful retreat. We offer a practical exercise designed to transform your perspective on life's worries, fostering a mindset of gratitude and a richer appreciation for our emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. Moreover, we dive into the profound 'why beneath the why' to uncover the core motivations driving our pursuit of change, championing introspection as a tool to propel us forward without defensiveness.
As we wrap up, the narrative shifts to the ripple effects our personal changes have within our circles of influence. We scrutinize the dynamics of trust and relationships, both personal and professional, acknowledging that the bonds we forge can have greater impact than any hierarchical standing. By embracing the idea that one person's positive shift can ignite a transformation within others, we celebrate the enduring benefits of change and the inner drive it stokes to reach for the life we truly want. Join us for this insightful trek into the heart of personal growth and how it shapes the world around us.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House bitch with Nancy, kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house. Hello, beautiful people, thank you for joining us today on another exciting episode Change, a word we say often.
Speaker 1:You'll probably hear that word a lot throughout each of our episodes. There's a lot to unpack when we talk about change. Change can be good. I'm sure Kevin and Nancy have heard the Taco Bell commercials. Change is good and that's true. However, change can be hard and we talk about that as well. How.
Speaker 1:It's not always easy to change and while there are certainly a lot of benefits to making desire change, there can also be some costs and, as we were kind of tossing this topic around, it really invited a lot of dynamic to the word. It's a simple word, a one syllable word, but, boy, there's a lot to unpack with change and we're going to dive in and tackle, in my opinion, an aspect of change that really is goes beyond how we've talked about change in the past. I mean, part of what we're going to talk about is the downside, and each of us I'm sure Nancy and Kevin would agree we look at change as a good thing, but it does. It can be challenging, there can be a cost. We're going to explore that a little bit. Who would like to unpack this first?
Speaker 2:I think Nancy would.
Speaker 3:Happy Saturday morning. You know, I think the thing about change is it does require there are costs, lou. There are costs to change, and when we look for what the outcome is and we recognize the benefits and the desires that we're going to reach the desired outcome that we want to work toward, we don't always think about the costs, as you say, and these things that we have to do or have to have to get there. And that's where the pits in the road come right, where the things that get in the way surface, because maybe we haven't made a plan that allows us to make change smoothly, so we're hitting all the bumps in the road. So we have to think about what are these costs for change?
Speaker 1:Do you think we don't make that plan because we wait too late? Or could that be one of the reasons? Oh, I need to change and I need to do it quickly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we jump.
Speaker 1:And we jump.
Speaker 3:We jump Plus. I think that end result is the vision Instead of the. You know, you hear it's about the journey, not the destination, and so we're picturing ourselves at the destination and we're not realizing where does the map take us? What roads and turns do I have to take first in order to get there?
Speaker 2:You know what just came to mind for me as you were talking about that, nancy. I was like in that scenario it's like, okay, so we're kind of looking ahead at things, we want to be different, right, and that's our motivation for creating some avenues of change in our lives. But then I'm like, well, can that lead to disappointment? Because we're kind of visualizing what that outcome is going to be like. And you just mentioned how the journey is important. But on the flip side of that, like you, could also approach change. I'm wondering if, like you, there would be less cost if you approach change from the standpoint of either being present and looking at things that you do want different without as much of an expectation of outcomes in the future, or looking at the past and implementing that into where you're currently at, adding up all the decisions you've made in the past and then deciphering what actions or habits you've formed in the past that you currently have that you want to change, without any expectation of results moving ahead.
Speaker 3:Right, you know what that I'm not jumping in here but a client this week shared with me that her daughter this all ties to what you're just saying, and I love the connection and the idea. So her daughter gave her a workbook for goal setting in the new year. You know I always want to avoid that topic because we don't need to wait for the new year, but she went through what this outline provided her in the worksheet, asked her to go not start with what you want in this year, but look back at the last year. But in the last year, look at the things that gave you joy, just look at the things that gave you joy and focus on that. And then what does that indicate for where you want to go in this year?
Speaker 3:And that's what you made me think of, kevin, because it's about. You know, you do need to look back a little bit. We talk about this often and you do need to look back a little bit. We can't live looking backwards, but we need to know what we've learned and what are the indicators of the direction that sends us Love. That.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's an interesting challenge, for lack of a better word meaning use the past as a guide to where you want to go in the future, so that you either don't repeat certain mistakes or otherwise head where you want to go without going down a similar path that didn't work for you. But some folks may spend a lot of time doing that exercise and not starting that journey of moving forward. Yeah, and maybe even further. That experience, I would think, affects us in a negative way. If we're looking at the past experience that isn't good, in other words, if we're looking at what gave us joy which is why I really like that comment and that approach, because I think that puts us already in a positive mindset and a good place to start. If we start that exercise by looking at what didn't go well, where we failed, however we define failure, et cetera, it probably puts us in such a bad spot it's like, well, hell, I don't even think I want to change now.
Speaker 3:She didn't work out. Exactly, and that's what Kevin was asking. Too like can wanting change lead to disappointment? I think if we jump too far too fast, possibly Some people can do that. Some people can start running and roll, and high five to all of those people. I can't.
Speaker 1:I think it's also important to look at change as, like the Nike Swish, it's going to involve a little bit of I'm not going backward or going down, but taking time to do that exercise, to look at where you want to go and the actions you will need to get there, and maybe some cost in terms of time spent with other people, time spent in different avenues, but hopefully the long term value is greater than where we started and maybe if folks are only looking at that first part of the Swish, the downward part, and not the upward part, that is where they might give up.
Speaker 3:Wow, I never thought about the Swish that way before. That gives me a new image and there is something about digging in that is a little bit of just getting grounded. Maybe that is that going down and getting grounded and what it is you want to do, and then it'll carry you forward. What I also was thinking there, as you were saying, all that is the Nike Swish and the idea of just do it sometimes could be like Kevin said, can that lead to disappointment too? Because if the just do it isn't defined as something achievable today, there could be disappointment in the ability or lack of ability to accomplish that thing. So I think the cost is defining the things that you have to do.
Speaker 2:That's your point, right. Like how far do you want to jump in? Like you jump in the deep end if you don't know how to swim, or do you start slow, like just doing it? To me is taking action, but not at the cost of one's health or stability in life, unless you have a plan or a vision for what you want to do and some action steps that can hopefully get you there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a plan or some action steps is surfaces all the time. Right, and we've talked about this workshop that we've all attended, where we heard these statistics, which I still find hard to believe, but that most people don't have a plan, and I think that means they don't have an action plan mapped out. They have ideas in their head and feel like I know, I know what I need to do, but how do you do it and what's that plan? And putting it down on paper.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe the just do it should be and I'm trying to think of a word here but more like just deliberately do it or purposefully do it. There's like a missing word in terms of it isn't just jumping into the deep end and hoping for the best and hoping that it'll work out, as that phrase otherwise implies. Yeah, you'll get there, just do it. But you need the plan, you need a mindset to start any journey. I mean, usually we get back to the concept of weight loss, for whatever reason. That's just as a popular journey for so many people.
Speaker 2:I feel like that's typically you, Lou, to be honest.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, probably because, yeah, well, in fitness programs in general, not just weight loss but we have the cycles where we'll have a great thing going and then things might knock us off course. And we have to. You know, when I took on a new job, my program was significantly impacted and I'm trying to get back to that place I was. But with that same thing in mind is I'm not going to spend a lot of time looking where I was and let that stop me from moving forward, but have a plan. And certainly as we get older, things change. You know I can't physically do some of the things I could do years ago, so I have to adapt as well.
Speaker 2:I don't want to hear that negative. I don't want to hear that negative. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh well, I mean like bench 300,. I could do that when I was. I can't do that anymore. Really, yeah Damn.
Speaker 2:I wanted to go back to something real quick, lou. I think it was something you actually brought up before we even started recording, but you mentioned like hitting rock bottom, and so I feel like sometimes it takes for us to really be. It's like sometimes a long process of dealing with something that we might not feel that is ideal in our lives or that you know we're not acting on our highest passion in many ways in our lives, and then you hit that point and you're just like fed up and I think for some that can be a good starting point to begin something. But I also feel like there's a level of desperation almost at times like that, when you are feeling like you're hitting rock bottom, you're like I gotta make some fucking changes and you just go hard right. So I guess for either one of you like, what would your perspective or thoughts be?
Speaker 2:For someone that is in a situation where they're like this part of my life just really doesn't align with my values or my ethics or morals, I need to make a change and maybe at a point of like I just don't even give a shit what happens, I just know that I can't deal with this anymore. This is not me, cause there's gonna be costs associated with that like dramatic of a change, right? So what are your guys thoughts on that? Like? Is it better, if something is really just not aligned with who you truly are, like is it better to just cut that out, cause it's draining you every day and just figuring it out? Or is it better to try to just accept where you're at and move slowly through some type of transition or change?
Speaker 3:I think something in the middle and you named it in that. Oh my gosh, what is it? What's the word that you just said? But you need to identify what those costs are for you and really understand those firsts First I don't know what that first is Before jumping right, because if you don't know what risks are associated with stepping out of a situation and move too quickly, there could be regrets. It's really giving yourself a no regret perspective and even if you hate the situation, if a person really is in a situation they don't wanna be in, what are all the options and what are the actions you have to take first before you can enact on those options?
Speaker 1:You know, you've got-. It's certainly from a root.
Speaker 2:I was just gonna say you bring up a good point where I think I can also get a little bit more granular with what I'm asking to, because we are talking about change that we can influence, adjusting right, Like these are controllables that we're talking about too but you also have parts of your life that are not within your control. So if you have many of those things happening that you can't control, that are draining you, and then you're also allowing things within your control to drain you and not make adjustments, like I feel like it just compounds on one another.
Speaker 3:Yes, such a good perspective that we do have to remember what's in our circle of control and what's in that circle of influence around us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there's an element of reality, you know. Certainly one type of change that is common is job change or career change. That involves, in my opinion, a lot of planning and thinking about how that change might come about, because there may be a situation where immediately quitting is necessary, depending on what that situation is. But for the most part, just saying I don't feel comfortable, I don't like this, I'm gonna quit now and try something else, without really planning for it is tricky, challenging, dangerous. We have bills to pay, we have obligations. It's risky Great word risky.
Speaker 3:That makes me just think of an exercise I share with people a lot when they feel stuck and they have a number of things that cause worries or anxieties or anger or frustration, and that is to list those things.
Speaker 3:But this exercise starts on a page where you list those things on the left and you leave space on the right, right and on the left you list the things that cause anxiety, and it could be two, it could be 12, it could be whole damn page full and then give yourself time on the right side of the page, opposite each of those things, to list an alternate thought, and that doesn't mean what's the.
Speaker 3:You might get to the desired outcome, but it might just be what takes you from 12 o'clock to one o'clock in your perspective, like it doesn't have to be a huge transition, but what's an alternate thought connected to that worry or that frustration or that hatred? And with that then taking that piece of paper ripping in half and giving yourself, removing those worries and things that make you angry or frustrated from your thought for the moment doesn't mean that those things go away and looking at the alternate thoughts and new perspective and see where that takes you and then repeating that as things surface, or even taking those alternate thoughts and listing even an alternate thought to that, just kind of shifting perspective, pulling yourself out of the a negative spiral.
Speaker 2:And again, it's shifting perspective because I think a lot of the things that we do like there's a lot of variables in life and a lot of different pillars of wellness right For each of us, and so I think when you're able to just try to create a stronger foundation in each area or category in your life, you have this new way of looking at things right. So it might not even be situational. Sometimes it could just be a matter of you're in a difficult spot in your life and you're not able to perceive things the way that you would if you were more elevated emotionally or spiritually or physically. You know, I mean, we all hit ruts and things get difficult and things happen. So I think that is a huge part of it is just your perspective.
Speaker 2:We always talk about gratitude in a lot of our episodes, you know. So sometimes, when things are bad or you're looking at an area of your life where you feel like you do want some change, I think that could also be a useful practice. Is you know? Is it this thing or could there be other factors that are part of the equation of how I feel about this one thing or wanting to change this thing?
Speaker 3:Yeah, kevin, the why beneath the why. That's in my coaching training programs. That's one thing that stuck with me and always about the why beneath the why there's always. We have to dig deeper sometimes to get the answer. We need to be able to take action.
Speaker 1:You know, nancy, I've always found that kind of interesting with the word why. I don't know about you too, but much of the coaching materials that I've encountered will say don't ask why questions. But I think, why is a great question? Literally just the word. Well, you know why, why, why?
Speaker 3:The intention of. So there's full intention in that, and why can cause one to feel defensive? And so, in wanting to not initiate, you know, defensive or frustrated feelings, but you can ask questions that get to the answers of why Just you know about different ways to get there, cause you're right, true.
Speaker 1:And perhaps with the delivery you know someone's like I'd like to lose weight. Why would you like to lose weight Like I don't know if that would spark a defensive mechanism. Oh, right no but and yeah funny Kevin's probably like oh, you win that weight loss. No, I enjoy it.
Speaker 1:No, well, but it, and that's literally and I'm thinking back to our days with the weight loss program that we were working with clients on and that was, you know, one of the approaches to mindset change. You know, there's one area of psychology that says don't ask why. But I really think it's the question itself, not how you ask it, not. Yeah, the intention, yeah, the intention. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know you just mentioned the recipe for change, so let's give Dr Gina Cleo a shout out here, because in that course that you're talking about, the recipe for change considers some factors. Right, it's a formula, mr Mathematician, and it includes, you know, three factors, and one is you have the ability to do the thing you want to do. Now, that capability, does it exist today? And you have to ask yourself that honestly, right, because maybe you could have it, the ability, but not just yet. And so do you have the capability? And then, does the opportunity exist? Is there an opportunity to do this thing that you want to do? And where does your motivation come from? Right, and what's behind it? Is there enough inspiration to motivate action? So what, that comes back to that why, what is your why? Why is it important to you? What do you gain from taking these actions? What will you feel when you get to this place and really thinking about those components? So the capability, the opportunity and the true intrinsic motivation have to be in place for change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've always found the motivation arm of that list to be an interesting one, because as you use the word intrinsic you have external I guess that might be pull, and then intrinsic would be push perhaps, and kind of relating this back to the rock bottom thing. Sometimes it requires a massive push despite all the pulling that's going on.
Speaker 2:And well, intrinsic comes from within, right, yeah, right, and that is. That's the real motivation, Not the external stuff. I feel like, like Nancy, when you're working with a client, you're not like you might come up with smart goals and stuff, right, but you want that all to come from the client, from within them. That's their idea, and then they have buy in because they came up with it. When someone tells you to do something, you know sometimes it would be like no, just because you don't want to be told what to do.
Speaker 1:That's why it never works with kids.
Speaker 1:That's why Kevin and I get along, because we're both that way, feisty you know that's kind of an interesting one, though, because that also in part depends on the, on who's asking that question, like saying, authority figure versus a boss, versus a personal trainer versus a mentor. You know, yeah, because, as I think back on my own experiences, oh my goodness, yeah, there's been so many times when I've been told what to do and boy, I push right back. Who the hell are you to tell me what to do? But then other situations when it's told I'm like, ok, this is how it's done. You know what?
Speaker 2:I think it's fascinating how the brain to me, that matters more about the relationship and connection with you have that you have with a specific person, versus like the hierarchy Right, because you can have a boss that you connect really well with and you are aligned with your vision and they need something to get done and you're like I trust you, right, like maybe it's a level of trust thing, like you're asking me to do this thing, maybe I don't fully understand it, but I do trust you. Whereas if you have like a combative relationship with somebody or you don't trust their vision, or maybe they seem a little incompetent to you and you wonder how they got their position in the first place, then there's some resistance there, naturally, right.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah because the reward is in question and that's a word that people struggle with, because we maybe don't need a reward to do something, but in the end there has to be that desired outcome or we're really not going to take the action because I think reward and that intrinsic desire maybe overlap each other some. But we're not going to do something if we don't feel like the place we're going to land at the end is meaningful to us and if you don't trust that person to do that thing feels like no.
Speaker 1:Yes. And certainly and certainly experience with that person. You know out of the gate a first time boss, you might listen because you know no better. But then if that person has, like you said, is either incompetent or has given you a bad advice or bad direction, I guess with things in the past you're like oh man, I don't think I'm going to listen this time. Yeah, and that can work in any situation, wow.
Speaker 2:I also think intention matters too, and that word keeps coming up, which is great, but sometimes people want especially in situations of change. I feel like a lot of people relationships you have with friends or family members. Sometimes it gets very tricky and complicated because as you change and develop into the person that you truly feel like you're going to feel fulfilled being, you might end up on a different path than those around you, in different interests. So sometimes the advice that you might get or conversations you may have on the interests of the people communicating with you might be thinking about themselves more than about you, right, and that is what you're asking of me, or telling me, something that you feel like is good for me or good for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which? That's why yeah, and that's where, then, really having, I think, basing change on well intrinsic motivation and simply our planning and internal desires and everything associated with ourselves, is less risky overall than relying on anyone else. And not that we should rely on anyone, but there certainly are folks that can be helpful, depending on the situation that we're in, but without any history or knowledge of the other person's and their intentions, that can be not good.
Speaker 2:I think when it's intrinsically motivated, the good thing is Is that you can feel like you're being true to yourself.
Speaker 2:And going back to risk assessment with change.
Speaker 2:I think that's one area that is not often thought of, at least from my experience, is how your social circles could be affected by creating change. I think, from a risk assessment standpoint, that should be something that we consider. If you go out every day on the weekends and party and maybe you're experiencing a little bit of escape from a job that you don't enjoy or something, but you frequent certain areas with specific people but then you decide well, this isn't healthy. I'm going to scale it back. Be prepared for some change there with things, and some people may take offense at times to you changing and they may not be chair leaders for it because it's affecting your relationship, it's affecting their relationship with you and it might not feel like a positive thing, at least to begin with. Hopefully, I feel, like the people, that when you change paths in life, especially if it's something for your health and wellness, and others around you don't, you can't influence them too, but sometimes they will end up on their own path and those paths will align again one day.
Speaker 1:That certainly helps uncover a lot more understanding of those around us, meaning when we do want to make a change and, with your example, say, stop parting, when you have certain folks in your circle that are supportive of that and will join you in a new venture. A daytime activity versus a nighttime, weekend activity. That says a lot versus the ones who grumble because you're not joining them to party every Saturday night.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of it has to do with goals and outlook on life and what matters Sometimes. Yeah, I think if you have a certain group of close friends and you all do the same shit together and then one person decides they want to make a change, sometimes that can influence others to be introspective and say you know what, yeah, this really isn't serving me well anymore. It was fun and maybe it's a new chapter.
Speaker 1:That's an excellent observation. Even if other folks in the group might feel the same way. They're waiting for that one person to take the first step.
Speaker 2:I think it's almost like a mental barrier sometimes, even where I remember when I used to do some running in the woods, didn't someone bring up how I haven't brought up nature in a while. Yeah, nancy, when I used to go out I would listen to this app and it would have a little bit of guidance and stuff. One of the episodes or whatever I was using one of the programs talked about how, for the longest time, the record time for the mile being run was where it was. People had tried to beat it, but they couldn't. No one thought it was achievable to beat it until one person did beat that time for running a mile. Then, immediately after, so many people kept beating that and beating that. Sometimes I think it's like a mental barrier of not even believing that a thing can change until you witness someone go through. Sometimes it takes a leader, but then sometimes that leader needs one follower to also show that whatever trail they paved can also be accomplished by others, and then people follow.
Speaker 1:It kind of speaks to the whole world of influencers, something I've, I have to admit I've sort of been fascinated by just the existence of people who other people follow. I mean, I will say I I guess, as the word is used I do follow people in the world that do certain things in life, but I don't think in the same way that maybe that word is typically used like oh my goodness, that I don't know celebrity eats this certain type of food. I'm going to eat that too, for some reason. Like well, do it because you want to, not because someone else you know yeah, but that's a good example.
Speaker 3:I think that I think that's a totally good example, and that is influence. It's just weird to to you and us me anyway too that that choice would be made for that reason, but it helped them. It was a catalyst that influencers can be, a catalyst for people to take action that they can't seem to do on their own, and I think that's that's what I'm saying Sometimes someone can't do it on their own, but they need that external inspiration comes from weird places.
Speaker 1:And it completely relates back to that is sometimes it just takes someone to start get that ball rolling, to make the change and others to follow. Yep, excellent point.
Speaker 3:So we've named a number of things that could identify costs right or prevent costs of change from getting in the way. And I just want to go back because I think we just sometimes casually talk and there's a lot of nuggets in there when we do that, and mindset to get started with is something important to have. What's the outlook that you have, what perspective are you carrying, and what might be to the left or the right of that? You know, expanding our, our vision and approach comes with some sort of a plan, right? What? How are you going to approach this, this place that you want to be, or this thing that you want to do? What are your intentions? And then, from your intentions, what's in your control and what's not in your control? What influences you but you can't control it. So maybe you need to let go right, and just considering all of these factors can allow one to embrace initiating change.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, uh well, in terms of costs, then, would you both agree that, no matter the cost, it is worth making change? Or is there always a degree of and this is like, given there's planning, things like that? It seems like, with proper planning and thinking about it, that I would argue the change is good. You know it's in line with who we want to be. Staying where we are is uncomfortable and mentally exhausting and taxing.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think, no matter what you have to conquer, change or accept it, it's always going to be the case, regardless if it's intrinsically motivated and within your control or not.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that's a huge statement. Sometimes accepting it is the thing we have to do and that's change, and wow, good point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And even if we're in a situation that's uncomfortable and we really want to make that change. Again I get back to the Nike Swish of Change. Think that there's going to be some short term perhaps, cost and short term pain, physical pain, mental pain, whatever the case may be, but hopefully thinking, looking at the long term and the benefits would help us to generate some intrinsic motivation to make that change and move toward the life that we want. This is an excellent episode. Thank you both. I really enjoyed this topic. This was wonderful folks. We hope you enjoyed it as well. Thank you for being here today. We look forward to you joining us on the next one. Bye for now.