Ever find yourself grinning back at holiday window displays like my friend Lou? That's the magic we're unpacking today—the joy found in the small, everyday moments that we too often overlook. Our conversation meanders through the streets of the mundane, discovering the sparkle hidden within the routine, as we challenge ourselves to alter our daily patterns and take notice of the simple pleasures that surround us. Amidst the holiday cheer, we also acknowledge that joy isn't a one-size-fits-all experience and explore how to cultivate it year-round, even when the tinsel isn't twinkling.
Ever find yourself grinning back at holiday window displays like my friend Lou? That's the magic we're unpacking today—the joy found in the small, everyday moments that we too often overlook. Our conversation meanders through the streets of the mundane, discovering the sparkle hidden within the routine, as we challenge ourselves to alter our daily patterns and take notice of the simple pleasures that surround us. Amidst the holiday cheer, we also acknowledge that joy isn't a one-size-fits-all experience and explore how to cultivate it year-round, even when the tinsel isn't twinkling.
Hello and welcome. As we are doing our pre-discussion, you hear from us each episode we're kind of knocking out what's important to us to discuss today. We're really reflecting on why do we have to or it feels like people wait for the holidays to recognize the things that bring an inkling of joy. Right, lou was just telling us about a smile across his face after looking at a store window. He's smiling now, but you just don't know it. And why do we have to wait? Why do we have to wait for someone else to help us, or this time of year or a holiday to bring recognition to an inkling of joy? Why can't we have that mindset in our everyday life and find that spark More often? Why is it so hard to do that? Why do you two think that is the case?
Speaker 2:Well, allow me to first clarify and say I don't just walk by a store and look at a window and spark joy. It's really more what's in the window. Nancy didn't mention that part. I really like windows. I saw on the window. Yeah, I just look at windows and I'm like, oh, what a beautiful window. How do they ever develop such a wonderful window? But yeah, no, folks, and Nancy, of course, she meant well.
Speaker 2:But holiday displays in the Macy's windows and whatever other stores have those displays I guess a lot of them do, but Macy seems to be the traditional one and you walk down the street Well, in my case, I'm walking down the street, I live in Chicago here. Walk down the street and you walk by a window like that and, of course, for most of the year it's a display of a mannequin with clothes on. I guess you see that all the time and it doesn't spark anything because you expect to see that. It's what you always see.
Speaker 1:However, that's my joy. I love those mannequins of what's the most current thing. Show me. So why do you have?
Speaker 2:to wait. Yeah, we know you're looking for those male mannequins with the speedos on right, nancy, we know. But you know you see the holiday lights and the displays and all that and of course they get very creative with the ways they make them and the things they do. It's good the thing we work remotely, folks, because Nancy's giving me that.
Speaker 3:Oh, I know where Nancy stops.
Speaker 1:Looking house because Lou needs to clear his head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got to clean my own fucking house. Right, it is. It is funny. Like just the other day I was walking by the displays and I was like, oh, you stop and look and people are taking pictures and people will stand there for a long time. And has me thinking, you know, why is it that we only find those moments of joy in times like that? You know, every day there almost should be like a new thing. Not that we have to seek them out, but there's always something new going on all around us. Maybe we walk by them unconsciously and not see them.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like so sorry, kevin, but we do, this time of year, give ourselves more permission, I think, to recognize, because it's a defined time where we should be looking for all the cool fun stuff. And yeah, there's probably something there that would bring you joy more often and you're just moving past it.
Speaker 3:That makes sense, like we're more aware, right, and I think we give ourselves more space, like we're nearing the end of the year for whatever, probably some type of programming that we experience, but it's like a big deal. It's towards the end of the year when we're kids in school, we get time off from school for this time of year. Right At work, people are taken off. You know two days here and they're getting vacation days on, like, so people might be off for a week or two. I know people are disappearing at my work right now, so quiet. But I wanted to call out a distinction. Like we're looking at it through our lens and I think a lot of our listeners probably have a similar past around the holidays, new Year's but it wouldn't have the a similar impact for those that have experienced a lot of negativity during this time, right, like if a family had a lot of challenges or, you know, whatever the case. This would bring up a lot of different types of emotions for them.
Speaker 1:So that's an excellent point to call out.
Speaker 3:But, and we can go down that path. I didn't want to completely take us off the topic, but I think that is. I think it's just we give ourselves a space, we're more present, we're aware like even Christmas lights, you know, like or walking past the store window and you look through the window, right through, and see what's behind it. But it's all going to be different than what you normally see. I think we learn to accept the mundane, or what we might call that. In our lives it's the same thing day in and day out. We take the same route to work or handle a lot of the same things, have the same, the same patterns and habits, and then around this time each year, maybe that's different.
Speaker 2:You know what I really like what you just said about the fact that we'll live each of our days with sameness, take the same route to work, probably do the same pattern. When we get up in the morning, what's first? Brush your teeth Take. Whatever the case may be, it's amazing how exciting it can be to simply deviate one of those. Something more substantial than simply saying I'll brush my teeth before I shower, as opposed to shower before I brush my teeth. Where I'm getting at is take a different route to work. I'm amazed sometimes when I vary the path I take to get somewhere here in the city because there's still so much I haven't seen, so I'll simply take a different route, and it could be a longer one. I'm like, oh my goodness, there's a museum there or there's a store there that I didn't know was there, that I would like to go visit. Those little things can actually bring new discoveries, new treasures.
Speaker 3:That idea, which I like, but still has a level of intention behind it, because I think for a lot of people, especially going to work, I'm like, well, what's the fastest route? That's why I take a different route, because I'm running a little bit behind. It would take a little bit of intention to, which is actually probably a good way to look at any type of change. If you are trying to create new habits, it's not going to be second nature, at least off the bat. So you're going to have to carve out a little bit of extra space for yourself to try to change things up.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and maybe adding in a little cushioning as well. And what I mean by that is, if you decide to take that new route, certainly give yourself a little bit more time, because it may not be the fastest, but boy, double whammy. Not only may you discover some new things along the way, but it'll help with the stress and the anxiety and all that goes along with that feeling of oh my God, I'm going to be late. A lot of benefits to it.
Speaker 1:You know I'm going to call out and experience a current one with my daughter and she listens sometimes, so she'll have to accept this. But she recently moved, and you know so. She's still local to me, just in a different direction. But she didn't want to come to my house on the way anywhere where she was living previously, because it felt out of the way. It was long it took her to go down this road, all these lies like no, that's a hassle, I'm not going there. No, no, no. And it felt hard.
Speaker 1:And now that she's living in another place and going another direction, her current commute to and from work bypasses more easily where I am and it feels good, even though she's not coming anymore frequently and that's fine. You know it's like oh, it feels good, it's a familiar place, I know it's easy to do if I choose it, and so it's funny how change can unexpectedly bring and this all takes me back to what you said earlier, lou and Kevin, both of you that change can bring unexpected treasures and unexpected discoveries, and just giving ourselves permission to take the time to make a small change can bring surprises we wouldn't have anticipated. And the holiday is that space where any holiday is, where we give ourselves more time to look around and feel and see and like, breathe in the moment, the hard moments. As Kevin mentioned, it's not joyous for everybody. This can be a really difficult time of year for many people. We need to be real about that. But it also brings just driving through Christmas lights brings some feelings connected to it.
Speaker 3:And I don't know how you both feel about this, but I've looking back on like years past and even somewhat still to this day. I feel like I always, or would typically, measure my life and like the next thing I was excited for, like getting through a lot of the stuff in life that I might not find that I'm as passionate about, but just kind of doing it to get to those big, exciting moments and the holidays can be one of those More recently, I feel like I have created ways in which I have things to be excited for way more often. It reminds me of how we always say baby steps, and so the concept that came to mind is like, instead of living for those really big or more rare you know once a year things, how can we implement and identify more of those little things that lift us up? I mean, it could be small, it could be a 10 minute meditation or reading a book for 20 minutes after a long day in bed with some essential oils, going a candle lit and your little night lamp on. I'm just giving out examples that some people might do, not necessarily my own, but like just allowing yourself that a bath. I don't do baths, but I could see how they could be enjoyable.
Speaker 3:So like finding those things and giving yourself the space and then just taking it day by day and you start to wake up a little bit more excited and a little bit more excited until it starts. You start realizing like your lens changes with life and you start to even more so try to identify those little things and if they're not there you can't identify. And you start to learn how to try to integrate them and take control and realize it's not always external. A lot of it you do have control over and again I mentioned this a couple episodes ago but sometimes those things they're not something you're going to have immediate gratification over. It might be something that's uncomfortable. Say, you want to start walking outdoors but you haven't in a long time and you get kind of sore from it. You go, maybe you enjoy it, maybe you don't, maybe you need some time to recover in between going on your next walk. But then you start to realize I'm enjoying myself, like this is the space that I needed to get away from all the bullshit.
Speaker 2:And that's a great example of something that's beneficial in so many ways. Meaning if the first thing we were to do every morning even when it's a little chilly, because you can still do that when it's chilly, just bundle up is go for a walk, if your routine, especially the older we get, the older we get, we get more ingrained in that routine in that day to day, and it not only makes us feel that this is my rat race, it certainly doesn't help with our mental health, because we again, as the older we get, we probably feel like this is it, I have nothing else going on. But, boy, the simplest thing of just saying you know what, let me start off each day with a meditation or a 10 minute walk or 20 minute walk outside, boy, that really changes the whole day.
Speaker 3:And I think a big part of that, too, is just like. I know that social interaction is very important, and I've been discovering that even more and more. You know each day that passes how important it is for me and my energy levels and my mental and emotional wellness. But I do also really appreciate the time that I'm able to create for myself to just sit with myself or listen to music or whatever, but it's almost like a reset. You know, like I know we've talked about the subconscious mind a lot, or how our thoughts are always going and all that. I think that's a way to reacquaint yourself with where you're at. Journaling we talked about that, I think, last episode or the episode before but you know, almost treating it like you would. Any friendship or relationship that you're trying to nurture is your relationship with yourself, and so giving yourself that space and for those that don't have a habit of doing that already, I think that's one of the things you're going to have to find out what that means for you, because it's going to look different for everybody.
Speaker 1:That's a really great way to say it. I think people struggle still with the idea of taking time for themselves, but when you think about nurturing a relationship with someone important to you and why wouldn't you want to nurture the energy that you yourself need to feel and give?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and perhaps even explore trying things that you've always wanted to try and you never did, for whatever reason, because you think, oh, it impedes with my daily routine or my regular schedule. I've always wanted to do this, I've always wanted to do that Whenever. I think those are great. I'm not sure what they would be, but awareness flags. The minute you find yourself saying I wish I did or I should have, or whatever that kind of language that should be an immediate sign or flag, again I'm saying, oh, let me stop for a second and explore that Maybe I should take up piano lessons. I've always wanted to. Hey, you're never too old.
Speaker 1:What's on your should list, Lou.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what that actually is. One of them and I think it's funny that that's probably the example I brought up is I had started taking piano lessons as the child and I took a couple of lessons over the years at various times, but never stuck with it. I thought, oh, you know, I'd still like I don't have arthritis share, which is good, so I think I can still pull this off. So let me you know. Hey, that's the thing I do in 24.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can, if you want to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think there are some things that I've always wanted to do, though that I'm like, yeah, you know what? I don't think I want to anymore, and that's probably also important to take stock of those things. Like, I think there was a time when I wanted to jump out of a plane and go skydiving.
Speaker 3:Not anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's not. I mean, I never was really much of a thrill seeker. I've always liked roller coasters and things like that. So I thought, oh, that'd be kind of cool. You see videos of it and it just looks like it'd be exciting and exhilarating. But now I'm like yeah, it does Like.
Speaker 3:am I going to die today? I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe that's it, I don't know, I either hope you can do it and you would find exhilaration from it.
Speaker 3:I just know I can't fly on my own, so but those?
Speaker 2:Well, of course not. You need an airplane or something to get into yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You need to be fast, and then you need trust and belief.
Speaker 3:You know what came to mind for me just now, though, as you were talking about that, lou, and I guess a lot of what I was saying in Nancy too it's a lot of it's about choice, right, and making the choice to try to change.
Speaker 3:And then I'm like we don't typically most of us, right. So that challenge around the holidays it's just there, it's coming. We know, maybe we get excited, but it's almost like a force that comes at you just because it's tradition or whatever the case is, or your spiritual or religious beliefs, whatever. But I think it's much more difficult for many of us to do something when it's an option, right, and if you're the only person holding yourself accountable, like there's not much you can do to avoid the holidays, even if you don't like them, like they're going to come. The whole world is going to change around you and like, at least where we live, right, everything is going to change. You're going to see the commercials for Christmas starting in freaking August. It seems like you're going to see the Christmas sale, like all that stuff it's just everywhere. You can avoid it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good point. I think when it's forced it certainly plays out much differently than when it's not, because we're in our comfort zone. So we're less, probably less I'm not going to say less able, less anxious or less willing maybe to change or make that choice, and if we know that it will be beneficial for us mentally physically for some reason, bed rotting just came into mind.
Speaker 3:I don't know. I remember we were talking about bed rotting.
Speaker 2:I don't know how that ever became a thing. That's just bizarre to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what they're talking about and how people could benefit from spending some time that way, but I don't like the term.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, if it's just a little alone time and a little extra time in bed and just mental health wise to relax, but my God, the whole day.
Speaker 1:Yes, all day or the weekend. If you spend all day of the weekend in your pajamas and you binge, watch whatever and eat whatever, high five Bed rotting is just. You hear that, Melissa.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the term itself is just odd.
Speaker 3:And she said if we spend a day just watching TV and binge eat whatever we want, that's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Especially in your holiday jammies.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I did want to go back to what we were discussing before we started recording, lou, like the story that you had brought up and how we were talking about like it's never too late. You know, we do develop these habits and these what's the word from when you do something over and over again every day.
Speaker 1:Routine Repetition.
Speaker 3:Routine. I couldn't. I couldn't think of the word routine. But, yeah, like after you do it for so long, and I think a lot of the minds that sometimes is like well, once this happens or once I get here and New Year's is one of those once this day comes around, type of thing. But I just wanted to call out like I don't, you know, it's not too late for anybody. And I think part of that trap with thinking that way is looking at the past and all the things that you'd want to change or wish you could change or wish you would have done where you know. Yeah, maybe it's easy to think that way. But also, how much time do you have left? And I think you know we're all living on borrowed time, right, we don't know a future. So just start now and you know, if you're around in five or 10 years and you look back, you're going to be grateful that you made that switch instead of just staying in the position that you're in, just living every day in autopilot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you make me think of someone I was talking with today who is trying to juggle solo drinking. They're not happy with themselves when they do solo drinking. They're happy to do social drinking with friends. They don't over drink, they just don't want to do the solo drinking and they're going to do dry January. And through lots of conversations I love that. This person said they want to do a soft launch on right. It's like so yeah, so he's going to soft launch dry January and there's no reason to wait and he's feeling it. So he's going to do it now. And I'd say give yourself permission, like we were talking about soft launch. Whatever it is you're feeling you want to do.
Speaker 3:That is an awesome point actually, like if you're feeling even the tiniest bit of motivation air quotes, because we know how we feel about that word. But if you're feeling passionate about something in the moment, yeah, why wait? Just start. I get it, though. Start a diet, but we got the holidays all around. Like imagine if you did make it through. Or maybe you're not being very hard and you're trying to be compassionate with yourself. Maybe you do better than you did last year, prior years, you know.
Speaker 2:So we got eight free and it's the whole thing with the soft launch just kind of had me chuckle because, if I'm understanding it correctly, it sounds like I mean this person isn't an alcoholic.
Speaker 1:No, no, we're near.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, because I was thinking like is he or she looking to get off the bottle? And you know what, rather than just go cold turkey and get off January 1st, I'll have a little bit of a soft launch and just wean myself off the booze and it just is like can that be, can that happen? Like I don't know does a heroin act say well, I'll just cut my dosage in half and inject only half.
Speaker 1:I mean. I work with people who want to quit smoking, Lou, and that's exactly what they do. They're like okay, they're going to wean it backwards. You know, I'm going to go from a pack to a half a pack, from a half a pack to X amount of sigs a day, from X amount of sigs a day sometimes to how many times do I light up a day and then smoke the whole thing right, so you can gradually back into what you want your target to be.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it probably depends on the thing, the goal, you know, and the very, yeah, like with me sometimes dropping.
Speaker 2:I'm not so good at it, especially when, like a unhealthy one, I kind of tend to want to pull the band-aid off real quick versus weaning. But I certainly understand the importance of baby steps. We talk about that a lot and that even makes sense in terms of getting off of a bad habit.
Speaker 3:I don't know what takes more self-control, because both can be very challenging. It's like, well, if you just stop and don't give yourself the option, but then you go through withdrawal or whatever, but then if you're doing it and trying to cut it down, like that takes a tremendous amount of self-control as well, because you have to be intentional about it when it's an ingrained habit. Yeah, I don't know, they're both hard. If you're putting something, go get them Right.
Speaker 1:That comes down to what we've often talked about and when we talk about, whether it's commitment or motivation, and we all want to be motivated and to feel that desire and that drive and that energy. But sometimes to get there we have to commit to it first and build up to motivation.
Speaker 2:Yeah it sometimes may take a harsh awakening for that to happen too. News from the doctor, or something?
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a good point Again, the distinction between force and choice. Right with that one. And that is true too. When I quit smoking or vaping both times, Can you consider the first time quitting if you started again? I do A pause.
Speaker 1:That was a pause.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, yeah, both were like being sick or where it's like I already want a few days. Then I felt like I had the momentum and I was like I'm good.
Speaker 2:And then sometimes it makes me scratch my head when I hear of folks who refuse even in the face of life-threatening situation Like and smoking is a great example where you see the folks who get limbs amputated, they lose their teeth, they lose their hair, they lose whatever you know as they're going through. I don't know if it's cancer or whatever, but the smoking is just taking their life away and they won't quit.
Speaker 3:Oh, I wanted to. I was going to say something then I forgot what it was right. It happens all the time. I literally just forgot it again. Never mind.
Speaker 2:You had it and then you forgot.
Speaker 3:Oh wait, I got it again. Okay, nancy, I think you brought this up earlier, but like the whole smoking thing made me think of like integrating new habits that had nothing to do with smoking necessarily but could be impacted by the fact that you do smoke. So integrating healthier habits. And then you're like, well, I don't want to be coughing up along when I'm doing my morning walk, so I'm going to cut back on that. So sometimes I think, just even not focusing on something that you really want to change necessarily, but integrating newer, healthier options for yourself, I think that's going to have an impact on the unhealthy.
Speaker 1:Heck. Yeah, you know what that makes me think of and maybe you guys will laugh, maybe you won't, but to a story from someone we both previously worked in workshops with and had experience with, and the story is about. So he's kind of a wellness, he thinks of himself as a wellness guru and he had a friend who came to him who said he wanted to quit smoking. And he told this you know, the friends like first used to make fun of him for being a wellness guru, essentially, and then came to him and said I want to quit smoking, can you help? And he was like no, I can't help you, you need to figure yourself out.
Speaker 1:But in time would transpired in this situation is this person wanted to quit smoking and the guidance they were given was just commit to yourself, I will only do healthy things for my body. I will only do healthy things for my body. I will only do healthy things for my body. And so, like you said, Kevin, first, that maybe is just walking. All you can do is around the block once. And then, as you get around the block once it's more times or further, or whatever it is and then you're like, oh, I want to do more. Okay, I can stop smoking or consider backing off, but commit to the grand thing. First I want to be healthy and then take the baby steps progressing to get there. Because if you choose to be healthy, it's easier to smoke one less cigarette a day, to drink one more glass of water a day I don't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah and again, that is not just healthy physically but mentally.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then you're giving space for the readiness to surface, because we can't take action if the readiness isn't at the same place as the capability to take action. Yep.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. You know we talked a few episodes ago about, like the to-da list, and when you have these healthier habit changes that you incorporate into your daily routine and you can say, oh, you know what I did that five minute walk, 10 minute walk, whatever it is, and I had I substituted my beer water for my beer. It's like you have two checkmarks of your healthy to-da list and I mean that evokes confidence and satisfaction Absolutely and it just again so healthy mentally.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow. Well, it's almost time for me to go for my nightly walk by Macy's and look in the display windows. So you have to cut your bullsh**. Well, you know, folks were recording on December 20th, so only five more days. I don't think they keep them up past the holiday, but Anyway, I mean that's an example of simply going out and doing something different, doing something new and, more often than not, a healthy habit, something to replace an unhealthy habit. And don't wait till the new year. Simply start today. Adopt a mindset of looking for new things. What is it the smell? Stop and smell the roses, looking for those new treasures and discoveries and just see how that those little changes will impact your life in such a huge positive way. So thank us for that. We thank you for listening in on this episode. We look forward to you joining us on the next one. Bye for now.