Would you consider yourself to be a good listener? It's been said that listening can build trust and strong relationships, help resolve conflict, identify problems or challenges, and can help you build more knowledge. These are benefits of active listening, however. If all we do is wait for our turn to speak, we may miss important data points of the communication.
"Open your ears before your mouth, it might surprise your eyes." - Earl Nightingale
Would you consider yourself to be a good listener? It's been said that listening can build trust and strong relationships, help resolve conflict, identify problems or challenges, and can help you build more knowledge. These are benefits of active listening, however. If all we do is wait for our turn to speak, we may miss important data points of the communication.
"Open your ears before your mouth, it might surprise your eyes." - Earl Nightingale
Hello, and welcome to clean your fucking house bitch with Nancy, Kevin and Lou. In our program, we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet, from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up, we'll show you how to get ready to clean your fucking house.
Nancy:Hi, everybody, welcome to clean your knockin house. We've been chatting beforehand, as always, we share that. And today, we really are each realizing in our own personal lives. So thought we'd share the value of actually listening, and what can happen when we hear. So I'm just thinking for yourselves take a moment. Do you listen? Or do you listen to answer? Yeah, so I see heads nodding from the guys. I don't know which that means Kevin, are you?
Kevin Anderson:I just like the concept of like, we're gonna talk, we're gonna talk about listening. You're gonna talk on this podcast episode about listening? No, I think that just what you just stated is impactful. Because I have found myself listening to respond. Or, you know, not like, from the standpoint of like interrupting somebody's thought process but already assembling a list of rebuttals, or opinions, instead of just kind of objectively, hearing them and taking it in.
Nancy:Yeah. Do you feel like sometimes you miss their point, because you jump to what you connect to?
Kevin Anderson:For sure. And I think part of it is just for me, at least, I guess caring enough to where if I do miss a point, to ask them to explain something in a different way. Sometimes if I really want to understand their perspective. And it depends on the conversation and the topic to some topics. You just don't care. Some people just talk and I'm just like, I don't fucking give a shit. No, it just depends.
Lou:I'm sorry, can I just say that? That is what that is so important. What you just said, I just realized, oh my God, when I am listening about or talking with someone on a topic, I'm just so passionate excited about how often do you interrupt and want to get your your voice out? Versus like Kevin just said, I don't give a shit what you're saying then all of a sudden, you're listening for 20 minutes?
Kevin Anderson:Well, honestly,
Nancy:we differ on if you're really listening, you're not Well, that's true responding, but good point,
Kevin Anderson:you just got the hamster wheel going off inside of your brain? No, I guess for me with the not listening thing, if it's like, there are topics that I choose, consciously not to engage in. Because I've done it. And I feel like there's no beneficial outcome for me or the person talking. You know, sometimes it's just gossip, or kind of surface level shit that I don't really care about. Sometimes I'll appease people and talk to them about things that are important to them, that might not be important to me. But if it's something that I know is going to put me in a potentially hazardous state of mind or emotional state, maybe there's something that's heated or a very hot topic, then I will like in a conversation. You know, you know,
Nancy:it's interesting, though, what you said there as you choose. So that's choice, like we talked about that all the time. So it you don't even that's a circumstance where listening is secondary, because you've already recognized and understood the situation and evaluated how you want to be in it. Choices.
Kevin Anderson:I think, like I consider myself to be more introverted. And I think I listen better than I talk, for sure. Like, I do like to listen to people, especially when it's important topics, like things that I deem important, I guess, but more like deeper conversation, you know, philosophical conversations, meaning of life type of conversations, like the stuff that we talk about for health and wellness, that type of stuff. I love it. Like I'll eat that up.
Nancy:Yeah, I was gonna say I would say you you do that? Well, like you do. You listen, and you're sparked by things we love. And I get the privilege of seeing your sparks like you're wearing, like,
Lou:yeah, deep in thought. But I think all of us, though, have learned through the work we do the value of listening, because someone used the word understanding earlier. And if neither of you did, and I'm going to add it because closely related to listening as understanding, and how many times have we had conversations where we don't listen well enough. And thus, we don't understand. I don't know how many times I've had conversations, where I'm like, Oh, now I know where that person is coming from. There's always sometimes a story or something behind the words. I love that, you know, love that.
Nancy:You still may not though, right? But then it's okay to realize you don't understand. And you can ask, because sure, because you're listening.
Lou:Yeah, they may not always share. But in for me, this happens more often than not, is whatever happens in my life, work, personal, whatever, the daily interactions, if someone's having a bad day, and quite frankly, the way life is, these days, the stressors, the the anxiety, this and that, there's a lot to do. And I will say more often than not, I see people triggered by those stressors. And quite frankly, perhaps because they have not come to learn, understand or appreciate the tools that we've come to learn and appreciate and help us to manage with those daily stressors. Long story short, is I'm saying over 80 85% of people that come across, let those stressors impact their conversations in their in their daily actions to a point where it comes out in their conversate. You know what I mean? Like you're at work, and you need something done, and you're talking to somebody, and that could be a defensive retort. And you realize, oh, goodness, they just got back from the doctor, they got some bad news. I mean, not that, you know that right away. But sometimes it you know, that could be what's going on in the background. Hopefully, I
Nancy:think what I think what you're saying, and this was a hard lesson for me to learn, and I still don't remember it often, but try is when somebody acts in a way that we don't like, right, like, or says something stupid, that's bullshit, or whatever it is. What is their experience? You know, it's more about really, maybe they are having a tough time. I know when people don't hear from friends, and they think, Oh, they never reach out to me, actually, maybe something's wrong. They're challenged, and they need you to reach out to them. Like we immediately turn inside to this negative response. And if we could be more aware and open, I guess, yeah, well aware
Kevin Anderson:of how we are reacting to getting me there. And we're not responding. We're not like it just, that's where I was gonna kind of take this conversation because I feel like a lot of what I because I listen, I listen a lot. Like, I'm chilling in public, I'm watching people, and I'm listening to things as people are passing whatever, totally eavesdropping people's private conversations. But like, every, like so much of what I never hear people talking about, like, real shit. It's always just, like, daily stuff. And this person are always talking about other people. Like, just I feel like it's a matter of the mind. And the thoughts just spewing out of the mouth. Right? Like when you sit in meditation, and you realize all the bullshit thoughts you think you're like, they're like clouds, they just keep on coming. And unless you latch on to them, they passed. Excuse me, for a lot of people, I think it's just it comes out. Like you think it it comes out. I do it too. I just think weird shit. So weird. Shit comes out of my mouth. But it's just interesting to me. And I think it shows like what people say and how they approach conversation shows a lot about themselves and the maintenance and the care that they take with themselves. And you know, the path that they're on with this internal exploration and trying to learn how the mind operates and where emotions come from and all this stuff. It's just so much it's very, very reactive. And a lot of it could be just kept inside, or just allow it to just fucking pass just because you think something doesn't mean it needs to even exist outside of you. It's just a thought. Where did it come from? We don't know. Was it your thought? Did you latch on to some station that's floating around in the ethers and it just popped in and we don't know the ship just happens. Gotta let it pass.
Lou:I'm always curious to understand more What aspects of life drive that behavior? Meaning, I guess it's the the need to, I mean, this is going kind of like far out there. But again, I think all of our behavior, like Nancy, what I mean is, okay, we live in a society in this. And by that I mean, US society today, capitalism, the, I'll say greed or the desire to, for money for success, power, power, good one, for having more than others, and kind of almost like feeling there's a win loss situation. For me to win, you must lose thought pattern. So I always wonder how much of flat our actions are driven by those things?
Kevin Anderson:A lot. I mean, I think that were instilled with fear, from a very young age, even by our parents, you know, not wanting us to injure ourselves or whatever. And I think the whole point of going to school and learning a lot of the concepts that we do learn about over the health and wellness stuff that we now talk about that I feel like is way more fucking important than a lot of the subjects that we learned, like, we're, we're molded to fit in a certain box in this country, at least, right? There's a lot of different cultures out there a lot of different ways of life. But we in particular, were molded to fit into this corporate machine, so that we can make money and pay taxes and go in debt and all that. That's my opinion, I don't think that the schooling system is created to create free thinkers and create love. I think there were taught separation, I think there are a lot of different platforms and areas were taught that, whether intentional or not, we don't have to go there. But I think that's where it all stems from. I think it's very learned, you know, like, even hate, I feel like hate is a learned.
Nancy:Oh, heck yeah.
Lou:100%. Yeah, you know, it's interesting, I had a conversation about this. Sorry, Nancy, if so, like, I feel like Kevin and I are playing ping pong here. But just to add real quickly to your thought on schooling, I had a conversation with someone the other day on that, and I was listening very well. So that's why this topic is so apropos, in that, it seems, in this particular aspect of learning was with regard to history. Because when I was in school, at least based on what I can remember, say vividly, sometimes, you just mentioned were molded to think a certain way when we're not taught to be free thinkers and all that. Sometimes it's hard to meet for me to go back and imagine how some of my teachers may have behaved for that to maybe be true. Because I was science and math, I'm thinking two plus two is four, I don't know how that I could be molded any other way than to believe that you know what I mean, the subjects I took, were very black and white. However, the ones that aren't so black and white, and that I think are probably the subject of a lot of discussion, cities like history, number one history. And I'm thinking, My goodness, there is so much history so much. There's no way we could be taught in 18 years of our lives, every single bit of history, whether good or bad, or indifferent or whatever. So who did choose? Well, you know, we know kind of who, that's what's being taught, put together the agenda for what will be taught, there's obviously an agenda behind that agenda. And I, I found that fascinating, the more you think about it, okay, it's interesting, they chose the particular topics on history to teach kids, at least at my school anyway.
Kevin Anderson:I mean, literally, history out there that you can find history. But we're taught so now, you know what, my days you were talking to you that it's easy. Because when you make the statement of like, you know, we're not, we're not educated to be free thinkers. That's kind of a big statement, right? And I could see some people not agreeing with that. And then I was like, Well, what happens when someone does go against the grain, and they have an opinion that's different than what the majority believes based on what they were taught. And people don't typically open up their ears and listen to this person and why they think a certain thing if it challenged their beliefs, so if you challenge somebody's beliefs, whether they chose that belief or not, they're going to attack that they're not going to be open and listen, I think that is one of the keys. That is something for me that's really expanded my awareness is trying to tackle my beliefs that I didn't choose, if it's a belief that I chose based on experience or research or whatever, but if I was told to believe something,
Nancy:subconsciously, maybe even Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Your environment. Yeah,
Kevin Anderson:question everything. Because, I mean, maybe don't it depends on where you Want to go? Because once you once you open up that box and you realize that there is just it's forever the information that you can gather and find, but it can cause negative emotions and responses from you. Because it's your kind of unraveling your reality. So is that something that you want to pursue to learn what maybe can be considered your truth? Or are you content where you're at just doing what you're doing? Because you can't go back? No, you know, once you open that door, you're there, you're walking through it, there's no turning around and going back and forgetting.
Nancy:But being able to choose going back to that, because you're saying question everything. And then it is about deciding, is that my belief or not? And then if you can let go, if it's not your belief, but you can let go. That could
Kevin Anderson:be like, whenever you have an opinion, you yourself, question yourself? Yeah. Why do I think that? Why do I believe this? And then try to trace it down to where and again, a lot of it is going to be subconscious? Which then if you don't know, then it becomes why? Why do I believe this? gets interesting, but also can get consuming and get complicated.
Lou:But my thing in general, is avoiding absolutes. And what I mean by that is, I never say never, and I never say always, because you never know, you don't know what you don't know, when it comes to say beliefs, I do have some beliefs that I believe are 100%. Correct. And what I mean by that is, I always look at my math and science background. Two plus two is four, I get back to that, in other words, some subject matter that I've taken, because it was created by humans to to manage life the way we do. You can't say that's incorrect, because it's correct as designed. In other words, two plus two is four, I am never going to question that. Now, what percent of our knowledge is black and white versus gray? Well, I don't know. I. But when it comes to, you know, if you put oxygen and in carbon together, you get twice with oxygen, you get carbon dioxide. Like, again, there's a lot that I believe in that stems from learning science and math and what I consider to be purely by design of the system we as humans created since the beginning of time. Now, all of that other stuff that involves history that we weren't around to personally,
Kevin Anderson:Lou has a total period with history right now.
Lou:Well, not not a problem, what my thing is, unless we have, unless we're 100% Sure have the evidence or something. You can never, it's hard to argue with it this way, about history,
Kevin Anderson:in the current events in the past few years, everything that's happened around the world, right? The way that'll all be written in the history books, is very likely to be much different than what many of us experienced to going through.
Lou:Well, interestingly, these days,
Kevin Anderson:are you then what's being Yeah.
Lou:Well, interestingly, though, we're also at a time when there's more than one history book. As you mentioned, there are several people who question the mainstream and question tradition and and question, the majority, the majority belief system, and they are writing books, it's good that those things are out there that people can hopefully tap into and get access to, you know, if they're being cut off any belief, any opinion should be out there. It's really on someone whether or not they want to believe it based on their own ability to gather evidence and whatnot. But again, someone has an opinion about something, I can have a different opinion. But if I don't have evidence to support mine, they don't have evidence of support. There's other than opinions, we're kind of back to square one. I am so evidence based, which makes it an impossibility to know certain things because there's no way
Kevin Anderson:what is evidence, because if evidence is reading one groups books, but not the other groups, then is that no or is that ever No. That's what
Lou:I'm saying. To me, to me ever. Books, Lu. No, we're the only way well, even then it doesn't matter. Like the only way to be 100% Sure is to be there to observe and view and whatever something which is impossible.
Kevin Anderson:There's another problem with that time, is that humans have horrible recall, especially during traumatic events, when they're interviewed immediately after, they get so much shit wrong, even when they're being tested on it or controlled environment. So who knows? Right?
Nancy:Yeah, it's also believed that that immediate time is when you're going to connect to the most of what actually happened. So are you wrong in the most immediate minutes after a traumatic experience? Or are you truly most connected? Who knows?
Kevin Anderson:You know what, let me take this a step further, right? I'm gonna butcher the shit out of this. But it was such an interesting concept this guy was talking about like, he was, he was kind of correlating our existence to like, God, or source or energy or universe or whatever you want to use. And he was saying, like, with consciousness, and with the unlimited potentialities that exist at all times, right? With all matter. When we're observing something like, as an individual, we're observing something we've proven through evidence based research, Lou, that matter, at least on a quantum level changes based on our mere observation that our thoughts change things. So we technically change things just by being aware of them. So how does that play into this? Like, what is reality beyond what we're experiencing? As individuals?
Lou:Right, and there's where you get to a conundrum, because that's one person's belief system, which is hard to prove empirically. And I think then it gets to a, it's almost like in religion, we have faith, it gets to a point where then you say, Okay, well, how much faith? Do I put in a variety of hypotheses or opinions? And but like, as you rightly pointed out, even if the majority believes a certain way, and let's say 99%, there, they could still be wrong.
Kevin Anderson:For sure, everyone thinks the earth is a globe, totally wrong.
Lou:And there you go. So you know, you always have to leave room open for, you know, the possibility that you that's why I say my beliefs are very limited in terms of what I believe is completely true, because it gets back to just two plus two equaling four. And no one's ever going to change my mind about that
Kevin Anderson:are all of our listeners out there wondering how we got here, we were merely just given the example of what active listening is.
Lou:Literally, I thank you for participating.
Nancy:All of this totally ironic about all of this is that in the intention of talking about listening, and what it takes to actually listen in here, we got into a deep conversation about what truths we believe in and what our thoughts are, and do our thoughts change things? Heck, yes.
Kevin Anderson:And pretty awesome, actually,
Nancy:kind of, but if you're thinking of your own thoughts, while you're listening, then you're not listening.
Kevin Anderson:We did it wrong. That was an example of what not? It's a
Nancy:question. I don't know. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm saying them?
Lou:No, actually, I think you know what, I mean, there was some that wasn't,
Kevin Anderson:you didn't learn anything.
Lou:Thank you all for playing along. Know what I mean by that is, I think, with us in particular, and it's hard to not be us, because we're us, is the fact that we have developed certain life skills tools over the course of our lives that we use. If we didn't know what we knew, I think that exercise would go much differently. Because the key word that just pops up with this, and probably every episode we do is awareness. When you are aware of what's going on around you someone else speaking someone else saying something, you know, can you put yourself in the moment being present and not be thinking as, as Nancy pointed out, having your thoughts churn as to how you're gonna respond, versus I take notes, you know, I'm taking notes now, while the three of us are talking. You know, it's not like you can always drag a notebook around with you wherever you go in life. But hey, some people do, why not write down what you will, how you want to respond? Versus just
Nancy:get to that awareness? I think is what we're also recognizing is acceptance, because that leads to choice, you know, so yeah, we're broken record, probably every episode.
Lou:That's a good one too, though. Acceptance, because I think as we shared earlier, everyone has different opinions. And my goodness, I'm gonna say 99% of the information that's out there is subject to variable interpretation. You know, there's, there's and even context is important. I mean, yeah, in history. I'm gonna use word history, just because that seems to dominate our conversation. But a certain thing may have taken place in history. But even if there were two people there who observed that thing may come to different conclusions about how things went down how things went and why But the result was, because they're viewing it through their own lens of of life. So then we have two opinions on something. And heck, you know, if I was the third person, I couldn't have a third viewpoint and that you have context, you might miss some things, and we were human. Maybe end of the day is just fuck history and just be present and go forward. I don't know. Yeah, no,
Nancy:I think know
Kevin Anderson:what history is. Yeah. What are the history due to you? You came here with an agenda fuckup history?
Lou:Well, I think my thing really is, obviously history is their history is a done deal. History is what shapes up, shapes us, and has shaped us. But we are here where we're at. Now, I believe that we're still at a point where we can improve so much. And obviously, that's probably like, no shit, common sense. But I believe as a consequence of things that humans have gone through with history, we still have some negative or bad parts of who we are, now that a lot of us should honestly look inward to correct. Like, I think there's some, I'm gonna say unconscious prejudice. For a lot of people. They just don't realize it. Maybe it's an older generational thing I hear people say things, I see people do things were like, Oh, my God, that is, you know, toxic, in terms of, of the term prejudice, but they don't realize it, because it's just how they learned how they grew up how they were taught. And that's why
Nancy:it's so hard to change that, that in this in this country anyway, I think it crosses borders, but because it is much of its subconscious, and people don't even realize what they're doing and saying, micro aggressions are something we need to be much more conscious of. So we can break the chain somewhere,
Lou:I think we have just had a massive listening exercise for the world that would help people have one hour of huddling.
Kevin Anderson:But you have to be willing to listen, you have to be willing to change, you have to identify something about yourself or whatever it is that you're referring to little more specifically, in order to want to even try to make change, if you don't see any flaw with how you're operating, then you're not ever going to do anything. And I think for those of us that are aware, it's up to us to be loving and be kind and look out for those around us that are of the same vibration. Right? And I think the more that we raise our vibrations, collectively, we can influence those around us because I think it does affect others. But not it's it's not something that you can force, it just has to happen. Right? So like Be the change you want to see in the world. That's really what it is. And Lou, when you were talking like I would, to me what you were what you were saying my interpretation was more like of it being a cultural thing, maybe driven by some stuff from the past, but more cultural than anything else. You know, I think stuff does come from the past, but everybody's different. And everyone has to learn their own lessons. And hopefully, for those that are living a certain way that is negatively impacting those around them, intentionally or unintentionally, you know, maybe one day, they see that they want to make a change.
Nancy:I feel like it's, it has to be more that you're right, we have to choose it and live it and be that model of what we feel is right. But also, if we don't communicate to those around us who maybe is subconsciously acting in a way that doesn't help break the chains. We owe it to ourselves to let that person know like I'm personally just now thinking about my partner and I think he's grown up subconsciously with some prejudices that aren't intended to be negative, but are verbalized because it just is something he grew up with in his household. And it's shameful that some of them get said out loud. And it's a I feel like it's also part of my responsibility to make him aware. I can't change him, but he has to change him. But we have to expand awareness help others expand awareness.
Kevin Anderson:So I think the difference from what you're saying and seeing what I was referring to like I was talking more about like a stranger walking down the street overhearing conversation, whereas like with you, I agree if you're in like a loving relationship, or if it's someone that you care about, and you feel like having a voice would be useful, not just for you, but for that are some sometimes you even getting an hour can make you feel better about something that you might see as a challenge for that person or a flaw even right. But I think there's less of a barrier, and a person would be more open to listening, right? Because they have a deeper connection with you. I think it's difficult to approach that with a stranger that you don't have any connection with. Because what, what connection is there to, for them to even want to be willing to listen or hear what you have to say? I just think, to me, it's like, is that energy well spent? Within that scenario? And I don't know, because I don't think that a lot of people are open, especially if they are coming from that point of view, or that perspective. Does that make sense? Yeah, totally.
Nancy:And you might be random to them. And so they're, why should I value what you have to say?
Lou:Get back to awareness and acceptance?
Nancy:Well, and hopefully they would, right, bump it up, but hopefully, that person would listen to and maybe have the ability to just hear the perspective of someone else and reconsider their own words or actions. But
Kevin Anderson:I think the challenge, like the biggest challenge is that I've seen, you know, you see videos of stuff like this, right? People having different perspectives, if you're trying to approach it, and approach it, like, as your true self and have that calmness and kindness and extend that out while still having that conversation. I think that can be difficult to balance of having like a deep conversation about morals or ethics with somebody while still remaining centered. Yeah. So if you're able to do that, that's beautiful. But if it starts getting to a point where it's now taxing you and you're becoming the person you don't want to be, then maybe, you know, pull it back a little bit or something. At that point, that's when I'm just kind of like, is it worth it? Like, is it worth my willingness to engage in a conversation and put more energy to that?
Nancy:No. Yeah, maybe? Maybe not.
Lou:Yeah, that's only a congress. Well, you know what I was just gonna say, this is the perfect time than the segue for me to say, family, because how often do we experience situations where we disagree with family and stuff, and it's important to listen, and but also not have to accept the fact that if the other doesn't listen, you have to necessarily put up with that your whole? Okay, here's what, I don't want to turn this into a therapy session. I will say, Well, you know, it depends. I have family members who are extremely stubborn, but I would say more, they're hard eggs to crack, is that the right? analogy, your thing, whatever, that but that has just taken a lot longer to at least start to crack it. And I'm like, Okay, there's still hope. So I'm the type of person I never give up. But I will say, I also at the same time, say, Well, I'm not gonna let that drag me down. Yeah, well, listen, like,
Kevin Anderson:you can extinguish behaviors with a person. So if a person wants to continuously engage you, but they're engaging you with something they do not want to put energy into. And they know that if they bring that up that you're just going to respond in a way. Well, not even respond, but just walk away, right? And but they want to spend time with you or they want to have a connection with you still, like they'll stop like that behavior will stop you buttheads. You've had this conversation, you don't want to hear it. You want to have a good relationship. We absolutely can. There's a million things that we have in common and we can talk about where you bring up that same old shit. Again, I'm out. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to engage in it. could talk with someone else about it? It's not me
Lou:that I mentioned how stubborn my family is. I've had times when a family member would go years and I'm talking five 610 years because and but you know what? I'm in that family. I'm just a stubborn so I'm like, You know what, I'm not going to be the first one to but that was my thinking years ago when a lot of that stuff kind of really started to go but I agree that that should be the case. And I feel that there have been times when I have reached back out to try to change that but have still hit a wall where the stubbornness was so strong that they said Nope, I don't care unless you think this way or feel or whatever. I'm not gonna get you a mic. Okay, well, then I thought that's okay. I made a point that said you know, that's fine. If that means we don't interact. I'm actually have the mindset that I can have a friend and non blood relatives that I'm much closer to I mean, this is my makes perfect sense and a family member. And that's why I was gonna
Kevin Anderson:bring that up to what does family mean? Really? Right? Like, if if you have love for someone, and they have love for you and you set a boundary and they don't respect that, what is that? What does that relationship? You know, I think that's one of the hard things for a lot of people out there because we do prioritize family and we're taught to write, why do we do it? We're taught to it's family, it's blood, whatever it is, right? But how does it serve you? And how do you serve those people? And is it positive and beneficial? Or is it difficult and stressful? That mean that whatever, whatever it is, right now always has to be that way. But again, is it serving everybody to engage with one another? Or are you on different paths, and maybe some time needs to pass and people need to grow, and people need to put work in and experience things and then maybe circle back. But if you're, if you're setting a boundary, and someone's not respecting it, or y'all are just completely different, and it's butting heads the entire time, they can still be family, if you want to consider them that but it doesn't mean they necessarily have to be one of the closest people that you rely on that rely on you and your life. I think absolutely complete strangers can become family from that sense. You know, and I think that we do have deeper connections with certain beings, when we come here, that might be strangers for a significant part of our lives. But then we connect, and it's like you always knew each other. Right? And to me, that's something deeper than just the surface level or, you know, who popped out of whose vagina type of thing.
Lou:And you know, what, coming up, sorry, Nancy, this is your turn.
Kevin Anderson:It's shaking her head, I
Nancy:feel so we're adding that, like, we need to appreciate that.
Lou:Well, you know, coming full circle. The idea that what I mentioned early on is understanding, it has taken many years, but I have had a better not a full but a better understanding of where certain people and in this case, it will be family members, but there are others are coming from when they do voice, their opinions or beliefs, whatever. And so I do have a better understanding where I landed. And thankfully, life is still progressing, though. So there's still room to grow and improve is also the reverse. Like they're understanding me, are they doing there has to be a two way street, you know, me understand them, they understand me, it is an ongoing, it's a work in progress. Thankfully, it is. If we took that stubbornness out of the equation, it would probably go quicker. But there's really a kind of bounce against. There's a challenge there or a balance, and I'm like, oh, it's helpful to understand others and listen and dusted it up. But as you rightly pointed out, if someone is not willing to kind of meet you halfway compromise to be part of that same exercise, well, you know, what it kind of is what it is, and that's okay. Then it gets to acceptance, it is what it is, it seems
Kevin Anderson:like you've put in a significant amount of time and effort not just on yourself, but trying to understand others that you do want to have a relationship with. And I I totally agree, it needs to be a balance that has to be reciprocated, right, you can't just always be driving 99% of the trip to visit someone and they go 1% It has to be a balance like any other healthy relationship. So as an analogy, is it is that happening for you? And sometimes, dude, remember, like, sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder? You know, maybe if you do set boundaries, and they hypothetically, a person that's in your life is like, whoa, they're not here anymore, you know, that does put it into perspective, like, okay, maybe now I'll analyze our relationship or the beliefs that I have. How did this happen? It's all his fault. Is it though? The start thinking, Oh, what did I do? What part did I play? And then maybe they come back, but you can't continue to put in all the work and your end and they're around to try to understand or explain things to get them to see shit they have to come to that realization to or it's not healthy.
Lou:You know, or at least agree to disagree. It doesn't have to be able to see my shit. I'm actually okay with the agree to disagree. But you know what, Boy, I wish I had known both of you many, many years ago, you would have saved me 1000s of dollars in therapy, co pays and deductibles, oh, my goodness.
Nancy:I still hit my head against the wall with certain people because I want to believe that there can be something good in that connection, and I engage and then sometimes regret engaging but I think it all still comes back to the biggest thing that gets in front of us is beliefs. And sometimes there are subconscious beliefs, and they get in the way of us now not just listening but hearing. I'm realizing as we talk today how hard it really is to show evidence of listening. So we hope that each of you as, as our listeners know that that just rings in some way and your ears that are now what others are saying and what that might mean to them before deciding what it means to you and roll from there.
Kevin Anderson:You know what, as we wrap this up, Nancy, I just I've had this quote up I was trying to find I remembered it and I forgot I didn't want to butcher it. But success comes from keeping the ears open and the mouth closed. Ah, love it. So let that simmer, folks.
Nancy:I'll say it again. Let's wrap on that.
Kevin Anderson:Success comes from keeping the ears open, and the mouth closed. Let that simmer, folks, thanks for tuning in. We'll see everybody next time. Bye for now.