Ep. 69 - Valentine's Day Vibes

Hey everybody, thanks for tuning in.  In honor of Valentine's Day, we decided to do an episode on love.  Love is something that could mean something different for everyone, but has been a part of all cultures throughout documented history it seems.  Love can heavily impact our lives, whether that is love for a person, place, thing, or ourselves.  One thing is for sure, we love all of you, our dedicated listeners and we appreciate your continued support!  

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Transcript

Lou: 0:09

Hello, and welcome to clean your fucking house bitch with Nancy, Kevin and Lou. In our program, we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up, we'll show you how to get ready to clean your fucking house.

Unknown: 0:50

Everybody, welcome back. It is Valentine's Day, next week, possibly this week, depending on when you listen to this or last week. And it's also episode 69. So we thought, kind of go with the flow with those two variables and talk about love. And kind of just see where the conversation takes us. And I guess to start, maybe we could talk about what love means to us. And for me, you know, when I was younger and growing up to me, it was kind of like, you know, an emotion, obviously, but kind of an attachment or how you feel about somebody that's kind of difficult to describe, with other words besides just saying love. But then once I started to get into meditation and self care, it became something so much more, where it's just like a state of being almost, that you can achieve. Sometimes not all the time. It's hard. It's not but it's like something that comes from within instead of something that you like feel for someone else only does that make sense?

Nancy: 1:59

Sure. What is

Lou: 2:01

it certainly is one of the most well it when I hear the word I just think it's one of the most overused words and certainly not always the right way. Like I love french fries. Well come I mean, french

Unknown: 2:13

fries are pretty good. They are

Lou: 2:15

true. But in keeping with the theme, I don't know if you're going to Episode 69 with a bag of fries. French fry,

Nancy: 2:24

someone just might.

Lou: 2:26

Yeah, true. There's there's all kinds of love in the world. Sure. But it you know what's funny, it also reminded me of another word that is also used in so many different ways. When that begins when this ends with T and rhymes with MIT mitt. You know, we're talking about that once you can use the word, okay, I'll say we cuss on here every now and shit. No. Thank you, I needed that. I'm like, Okay, I don't know why I brought that up. But it's just effectively

Unknown: 2:55

lost. I had no idea what we're talking about.

Lou: 2:58

Okay, well, it just reminded me of the fact that it's a word that can be used in so many different ways to mean so many different things to so many different people isn't necessarily always a feeling, though. I think I for me, the definition is a feeling. And it just reminded me of that other word, that joke that we had shared one time about how you can use that in so many different ways. As an adjective as a noun as a verb. I thought that was the Word and with love.

Unknown: 3:22

Was that not the same thing?

Lou: 3:24

Same thing. See one of those versatile words.

Unknown: 3:28

They have a love typically means like the same thing regardless, like I know it can be overused and I agree with you. Like, do you love french fries that much? But

Lou: 3:37

well again, it could be a verb, it could be a noun, it could be kind of like an adjective to put you know, like, Let's

Unknown: 3:43

make love.

Lou: 3:45

Love me a verb lovely day. Yeah,

Unknown: 3:50

man. What's

Nancy: 3:51

it now? And I guess it's

Lou: 3:55

it's Yeah, I guess if you wouldn't say I feel love. That, to me. means there's a tangible thing. Okay, or it's a Dinah summer song, you know can go with

Nancy: 4:08

I mean, the word brings to mind to me unconditional love when I hear it. And that always, honestly brings to mind to me, my daughter because I never I know I've said this before, but I never really felt unconditional love until I had this child and you can be exasperated with their behavior. You can love them, hate them, want to boot them out of the house, but you still have this love that comes from deep inside that you'll never let go for them.

Unknown: 4:45

Do you think it's possible to achieve that state? Like with oneself?

Nancy: 4:51

Wow. I mean, I think that that's an important task or goal or you know to work on and always work towards that. cuz there's so much goodness that comes from it.

Unknown: 5:03

Because what that would mean is no matter how bad you fuck something up in your life or how bad you fail, you will never turn your back on yourself. Yeah.

Lou: 5:11

Right. Well, what's how does that saying go something about you can't love someone else until you love yourself almost like you can't be happy with someone else till you have yours reminds me of that is in I, in my journey of life. So far, most people I've met do not appear to be happy with themselves. I mean, there's a lot of things like they need someone in the life rather than I want someone in my life. And they feel like they're incomplete unless they have that person. And then you know that, God, there's so many dimensions to this word. It's amazing. I mean, all these things are going through my brain right now. But that that's one thing, right? There is? Do you really need someone else? To have love? I mean, you certainly would have a partner significant other, you're gonna love that person. But in line with what you just shared Kevin as well? Can you really have true love unless you first have a genuine love for yourself first, before you invite someone else into your own

Unknown: 6:11

life? That's really interesting.

Nancy: 6:14

I think many people struggle with the unconditional self love, if you will, because we're our hardest. Judges were our best self critic were the ones who are never satisfied with ourselves, we as humans, I think even you know, that's the majority, I'm guessing, because of the number of people that I talk with it always are challenging themselves to be more different, better of in some way, instead of just accepting themselves for what they are in the moment. And I guess that's what love is, it's accepting it no matter what it is.

Unknown: 6:53

So that's probably very rare. Yeah, you think about like a relationship or romantic relationship? You're with somebody? And what happens if somebody cheats? Like, what happens to that emotion or that done? Right? Do you still feel love for that person? Or Did they hurt you so bad that your feelings have changed? Because unconditional Nancy like you bring up a good point. Unconditional means no matter what.

Nancy: 7:21

Yeah. I guess I couldn't give it to a person who cheated on me. But I haven't experienced that. So I don't know.

Unknown: 7:28

I don't know why that was the first example that came to mind. But what's the most intense thing that can happen in a romantic partnership?

Nancy: 7:36

That would be intense. And many people do find forgiveness for that and come back together and relationships. And I always think, more power to them for having the ability to let go of whatever that is, you know, that negative thing and hold on to the positive thing? That's where I guess Love is the positive thing.

Unknown: 7:56

Yeah, they say if you don't forgive, then that person still has power over you. Because you're allowing them to affect you emotionally.

Lou: 8:05

Do you think it's possible to love someone, even if that occurs? And what I mean by that is, I mean, it's right in line with everything you just said. But there's, there's the thought that well, the whole cheating thing and all that. And granted, I understand and I would never accept that myself that you know, you have a marriage, there's there's a lot of legal issues involved. And, and but the whole fidelity and monogamy thing, I think has become over time. expected. I think back to say caveman days, I don't know, you know, there was no marriage licenses and things. I mean, it was just people going at it, but and I don't leave it's kind of interesting when I say this to myself, but what did they even feel love back then is that's a an emotion or a feeling that we developed over time as our brains developed. It's quite possible, but the physical side of it is, can that really take away from the emotional feeling?

Nancy: 9:05

Or add to it? And can they both add or subtract to each other?

Lou: 9:11

And what does it mean? Like if you have a sudden you're angry? I mean, I'm sure the immediate reaction would be I don't love you anymore. But usually, that's

Nancy: 9:19

not mean I would Yeah, because I would like to think that anger is temporary. And so it might cloud the feelings of love. The Sun would be blocked if it was raining, right? But that's going to clear away and then you're going to let those rays of love come back through at some point like I would like to think love could live through anger for

Unknown: 9:42

yourself, right? But maybe not for like a relationship. And then what's what's the difference between being in love and loving someone because I could see if like something happened, and people split up. Having a love for a person, right? But perhaps not being in love with them. And then I'm thinking about, like, Why do I feel that way? And I don't even know if I can define the difference between what those two mean?

Lou: 10:09

Yeah, for that several times, I never quite understood what the difference might be. definitionally Yeah.

Nancy: 10:17

I mean, I guess, I guess we accept the difference as you can truly. I love you guys.

Unknown: 10:26

We love you, too, Nancy. Yeah.

Nancy: 10:30

So you know, I love you both. And, you know, some days, I don't think this is true. But say Sunday's you pissed me off, right? But that's okay. Because we do something together that we enjoy. And we come back, and we all have our different ups and downs. I think that's, I think that's love. I think it's fair enough to say that what we do together and experience together and motions that we have together, or love without being in love.

Lou: 10:58

That's an excellent, excellent point, it reminds me of the fact that I have one friend that I consider to be my best best friend that I've known for many, many, many, many years. And I can honestly say, I love him for that reason, because it's the same thing. Whenever he pisses me off about something, it doesn't matter, you know, we'll still talk we'll still catch up on things we'll talk about this and that. However, with other people, I know that I may even call friends even though they may be more associates, colleagues, anything like that, it's a lot different, I could go weeks and without talking to them, and I wouldn't care isn't that same level of, you know, maybe there's a bond, there's a connection, there's, Kevin, you talk a lot about energy and frequency. I wonder how much of it is related to that, where there's a shared frequency.

Unknown: 11:48

Or if it's shared, it's more of like a resonance, right? Like a resonant frequency that you have with that person. And love when you like, start getting into frequency and vibration and everything. Love is up there like with, it's one of the highest vibing emotions and vibrations that you can be in one of the highest states that you can achieve. And it's interesting, because if you ever look into like reports of psychedelics, different psychedelic compounds, and the effects that they have the reports that those individuals come back with after their experience. So many of those stories, say that love is the underlying everything of this entire existence that we're experiencing, like love is everything. That's kind of like and

Lou: 12:45

they say that that's what they experience. Yeah. Yeah, they like

Unknown: 12:50

most reports will be something along the lines of like having an out of body experience, or a very enlightened experience where they just felt welcomed and loved.

Nancy: 13:01

Except accepted it and that's what I was thinking of earlier. And that's what I was thinking when you said Lou about your friend, because you're accepting that person, for whoever they are, whatever they do, whatever they say, not always in agreement with But accepting of.

Lou: 13:17

And certainly a lot of it, I'm sure is a history of trust, of always being there for each other, you know, there's a lot of things that make for, you know, say relationship like that. And I'm gonna go, they're both, you know, like, okay, here it comes. I don't get that with some family members. And show that in, in of course, I still love my family to death. I mean, I'll be there all the time. And it would never abandon them. But it's an interesting situation, because it's different.

Nancy: 13:51

Right? You know, that makes actually break down. So love has been around for a while, right? And they break it down to seven different types. And the names are like, you know, we're not going to worry about the names, but, but the types, I mean, it can be romantic. It can be affectionate, unconditional, as a separate, it's broken down into a separate type, right? Because you can't just expect to have unconditional love for anyone. And self love is separate from unconditional love, Kevin. So, you know, maybe the Greeks have have studied it long enough to let us know that they're different but selfless, universal love so we can have bigger levels of acceptance, playful, and flirtatiousness or commitment, something that's going to last over time. So they've already recognized that there's different things and they may not overlap, some of those could all overlap and then somebody being maybe only will get one of those from you.

Lou: 14:47

Like the first two romantic and affection it almost seemed like they have a large degree of overlap.

Nancy: 14:54

Well, the romantic can be passionate and include the body right and the affection It can be friendly with someone that you aren't romantic with that. Got it you're talking about in love versus loving?

Lou: 15:09

Got it? Yes. So more intimate. On the romantic side, okay.

Unknown: 15:16

Sorry, I was just gonna say like a lot of a lot of the reading that I've been doing like a lot of the spiritual stuff, a lot of most of the talks about like opening up your heart. And like allowing yourself to just experience and kind of be vulnerable and allow connection. And I don't know how much I don't know how much of that I do in my life. And I don't know how much of that other people do as well, because I think it's easy to, you know, we've all been hurt, right? Like, we've all been through experiences that were really difficult to go through at the time. So I think it's easy to kind of like shut that down or set a boundary up or a guard so that you don't become vulnerable. But according to a lot of the readings that I've been doing, that's what life is about is learning how to open up and not have that, that shield up. So you can fully experience life, and then love

Nancy: 16:17

that makes me think of everything in moderation because you're talking about that balance of being vulnerable. Yeah, protective. Like, we don't want to be so vulnerable, that we're naive. But we want to be open enough to be able to find a connection.

Lou: 16:33

Kind of wonder. There are many folks who sadly, don't find connections with other people, for one reason or another could be a disability involved, it could be a certain level of it's gonna say handicap, mental handicap, something like that. And yet, they seem like they're it. And the one that kind of comes to mind immediately is, say, a child with autism. But there's a certain type of love there. And I don't recall it kind of being in the list that you shared Nancy, from the Greeks, but that that child shares with probably both parents, mom and dad, but arguably, maybe more so mom, since Mom is probably more heavily involved with the child's upbringing from birth. But it kind of brings to mind that okay, can you have a life? Well, first of all, can you have a life without love? Like, what what about people who may not ever experience that? What does that mean? And then this type of love that isn't of that, of that level? Like, I think when you were when you were talking, Kevin, it sounds like we are here on Earth, the meaning of life is to be the open to love and to experience love and to have love. And when I think of that, I immediately go to like the romantic or, I guess more the romantic Yeah, sharing with a significant other like your soulmate. But there are folks who will never have that,

Unknown: 18:03

you know, you made me think of just now and it goes back to your, you know, idea or question earlier about caveman like, is love something that we developed over time. And I don't know how to substantiate what I'm about to say. But the way that I feel about it is I think that we love naturally. I think that when we're born, we have love and we learn how to not have it. And there's a million examples of prejudice, racism, growing up in a certain culture, judging another culture or race. And I think that's all learned, you know, that's nurture versus nature. I think just naturally we do know how to love I think that's one of the things that we're born with, because look at Nancy's connection with her daughter. And that connection goes both ways. And I have dogs, I love my dogs and they love me unconditionally,

Nancy: 18:59

right? That counts and that counts. And if you've experienced that, then you've experienced love right enough to I feel like it's one of those things that we have to embrace and experience in some way before passing to whatever the non physical next steps of life are.

Lou: 19:20

Boy dogs is a great example because the little literally die for you. You know, if you're in a situation about to be harmed by someone or something, boy, they'll jump right in the path and protect you. At the risk of though I mean, that is unconditional love, in a interesting way because it's an animal, not a human.

Unknown: 19:39

I think that there's a lot I say this often because I'm also I work in the pet space now. Like I feel like humans can learn a lot from dogs specifically regarding love because you can you can do whatever to that dog and that dog is still going to love you and be excited when you get home and You know, the again, just unconditional, I don't think you can utilize that phrase too often.

Lou: 20:06

And you just don't get that with cats. It's weird.

Unknown: 20:08

Cats don't do that don't do

Nancy: 20:11

that they choose my cats who loved me. But they choose who they show it to, and what they do love. And

Unknown: 20:19

like the story that you both shared about like friends where it's like, yeah, I love them, but they pissed me off. Cats are just like, yeah, love you. But fuck off for right now. And then I'm gonna come back, you could rub my belly for a minute before I bought your hand off.

Lou: 20:32

And I'm picturing the cat like if the dog is, you know, kind of getting poked or slapped around by the dogs owner. And yet the dog like Kevin said, will still love you. They won't care either with the cats like what the hell is wrong with you, you let in? Or I'm gonna come back and love you when you feed me when you pet me when you change my litter box. But until then.

Unknown: 20:54

No, we talk about emotions quite a bit, and how they stem from the pathways that we're activating. Neurologically? Do you feel like it's the same thing with love? Like, is love another emotion like we talked about with like, anger? Stress, I guess could be an emotion excitement. Like, all of that makes a lot more sense to me talking about it neurologically. But then love, it's like, I feel like it's just something that's just different. Now, like, you can't feel anxiety in your chest or wherever you feel anxiety, mostly. But something about, like, feeling love feels different. I don't know if you both feel similar?

Nancy: 21:36

I do. And that's actually I'm glad you reminded me because that's what I was going to say earlier is that we talked about happiness before. And there is research that proves that just increasing happiness, there's no expectation that everybody's happy and joyful all the time. Because that's, that's just Yes, right? That's not how the world is. But by increasing happiness in your life in some way each day, brings a positive biochemical response in your body. And I think increasing love in some way, does the same thing, right? And that can look or sound like apologizing for something stupid you did, or actually saying I love you or doing a nice, you know, whatever the love language is we've talked about Love Languages before too. But, but I do think what you're saying is exactly right. And you can expand those neural pathways by taking those actions of something that is expressing love in some form.

Unknown: 22:33

And then once you get into a little bit more of a habit with that you're carving those pathways even deeper. Yeah. And then it's going to, it's going to be the one that will respond more rapidly than others once you develop that habit. Yeah, so baby that's like we always talk about

Nancy: 22:56

baby steps. That's when your question for somebody says something you think is stupid, like Where'd that come from? And instead of saying, What the eff say that's interesting. Tell me more. Yeah, that's love.

Lou: 23:12

I picked your lover I think a love though and I used to believe that think it was an emotion now I don't and the reason I don't is this when I think of emotions, I think that they come and go you get angry because you get something triggers you or you get happy because something triggers your unit situation Happy Birthday, surprise, whatever, there could be something that you experience at the moment that brings on in the emotional response. But when I think a love I think that's always there. It's not triggered by something. It starts maybe small, maybe non existent, certainly non existent and then grows over time with a someone I don't think you can really have love No, not with a french fry things like that or anything other than a someone. But it's always there. Whether that person's near you or not, whether that person is even alive or not, whether that person is upset with you or you're upset with that person or not, you know what again, it's the emotional responses are different than the concept of love. And now I've gotten to a point where I I'm not exactly sure how to define it, but it seems it's beyond any emotion. Maybe it's a combination of emotions or some kind of neural pathway thing that you describe that goes beyond the habitual formation. It's more like a yeah, not sure. My own

Nancy: 24:44

it's interesting that you say that so that it's you know, maybe maybe it's not an emotion to you but as you as you were talking about that I was thinking about I wish I knew more about the program and how it supported right now. I can't even say what it is but you know, there the there's a programs to support veterans with dogs. And the love that the dog gives that, who have struggled with PTSD or whatever they've experienced, right? What comes from the relationship with the dog is retriggering that neuro pathway of positive emotions and have good feelings and essentially of love being accepted for who they are and accepting the dog for their companionship. So I feel like it is i You're free to, to hold that space, I'm not trying to combat or debate but I do feel like there is a sense of that is an emotion and it can be increased with interaction. And it can be even with the non you know, without a person, you can expand the feeling and the neuro pathways in multiple ways.

Unknown: 25:53

Or it's allowed, maybe I

Lou: 25:54

should have said a living thing, because I do believe you can, you can love a dog,

Unknown: 25:59

or you can love a car too, is love, like a radio station where the signal is always all around, but you have to tune into it is it just always there in the ether, and all we have to do is raise our vibration in order to tune into it. And maybe I get what you're saying with the whole like connection thing and because that I think is when we feel it the most is towards another person, especially a romantic partner. Right? Because you're, you're engaging in activities that raise your vibration even more, and the chemicals of lovemaking episode 69 Clean your fucking house bitch. But like, you just raise it to another level a different way. And, you know, engaging in sex also is, you know, as spiritual elements to it as well, you know.

Lou: 26:44

And that adds to it. And I kind of view that, that particular exercises say more in terms of lust than love, but less than a positive way that you couldn't you wouldn't necessarily have the physical with some you would have the physical with someone that you love, certainly. But again, I am almost like love just seems like a combination of things. And maybe it's a combination of emotions, too, I'm not sure, or physical feelings. But, you know, again, there's where I sort of fall short, and I'm not able to fully go to what I mean.

Unknown: 27:16

And that's why I said in the beginning, it's like it's so hard to define with words, because it's so much of a feeling. I know after this episode, though, I'm gonna start trying to love other people more and not judge them, especially the people that like try to cut when they're getting off an airplane and they try to like pass up all the rows are the people that are looking at the carousel to get their luggage and they like, stand right in front of you and you're trying to get grab your bag. Yeah, um, I love all those people.

Lou: 27:40

Yeah, and like we always say we never know what someone else's story may be. But what you also shared earlier about self love, brings up to me the whole glass half full glass half empty analogy. If we can love ourselves, no matter where our glasses at, that is the best place to be rather than always thinking, Oh, my glass is still missing something I can't love myself fully until I do this or have that or whatever.

Unknown: 28:06

You know what I feel like that could be an entire episode like talking about outcomes and expected emotions with an outcome. I just had a conversation like that earlier. It's like you think you're going to feel a certain way once you get to a certain point. And then once you get there if you don't feel the way that you thought you would, and your expectations are, weren't set up the right way. Then you're kind of let down and it can be demotivating which we'll get into that next episode.

Lou: 28:33

Sounds like so 70

Nancy: 28:34

They will. But in the meantime, love is accepting each other for what you bring to the table who you are what you got,

Unknown: 28:43

for sure. All right. Well, sounds good. Thanks for tuning in. Love you guys love all our listeners out there and tune in next time. Talk to you later. Bye for now.