As life throws us into the deep end of major transitions, like starting a new career after graduation, we showcase the power of intention and gratitude in keeping us grounded. We share insights into how relationships can deepen through mutual growth and why creating moments of stillness in our daily whirlwind—through meditation, journaling, or even the hypnotic patterns of binaural beats—can not only declutter our minds but also reveal paths to tranquility amidst chaos. Join us for a journey where embracing change is not just about adapting but thriving, as we unveil the transformative effects that a simple shift in perspective can have on our lives.
As life throws us into the deep end of major transitions, like starting a new career after graduation, we showcase the power of intention and gratitude in keeping us grounded. We share insights into how relationships can deepen through mutual growth and why creating moments of stillness in our daily whirlwind—through meditation, journaling, or even the hypnotic patterns of binaural beats—can not only declutter our minds but also reveal paths to tranquility amidst chaos. Join us for a journey where embracing change is not just about adapting but thriving, as we unveil the transformative effects that a simple shift in perspective can have on our lives.
Hello and welcome to Clean your Fucking House bitch with Nancy, kevin and Lou. In our program we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house. Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone. Thank you for joining us again.
Speaker 1:We here at Clean your Fucking House bitch talk about things that make you go. Hmm, we are about educating, entertaining and just making you think more about things that make you go, things that can make your life better. Today, we're going to talk about change. No, not the kind that clink in your pocket quarters nickels, dimes not that kind of change. No, not the kind that come with elderly women, otherwise called men of pause. Not that kind of change.
Speaker 1:We are talking about changes in life that Kevin and Nancy are both laughing at because they don't. This is why they voted to do the intro today, folks, and I'm like thinking okay, you want an intro, I'll give you an intro, but anyway, we're talking about change that makes you think about okay, is this going to be good for me? Is it not going to be good for me? The things you need to think about to really look at the positive side of change rather than have it stress you out, clean pain, create angst and any kind of negativity. Really look at the positive side and how we can make life more fulfilling. That is our theme for this session. We, as you know folks, we just go off and running and I'm sure this is going to be a good one. Who would like to open up the show today?
Speaker 2:Well, you just opened it up, so thank you. But I have a thought, yeah, and I want to share that. I actually spoke with someone I was working with this morning who said that she had this underlying feeling of a need for change, but she doesn't know what it is. But what she does know is that she doesn't want to feel stuck and that she knows she needs to formulate it and in formulating it she wants to be able to talk about it with her partner without the word she used was seizing or being too emotional, which I thought was amazing.
Speaker 2:Right Like to seize, because we freeze up, like can't talk at all or unload emotions, which isn't who we want to be in a discussion like that either sometimes. So I thought both were interesting perspectives and it was a feeling of needing something in her life to change, and it doesn't always start with positivity. It might just be a fraction of a shift. It might be that shift from 12 to 1. It's just a little bit where we have a new perspective before we get from 12 to 6, you know that's real change. So just knowing it can come in all shapes and sizes.
Speaker 1:It's interesting that you use the words like stuck in seas and freeze like it, and I'm assuming those words came from your client, yep, and already out of the gate change evoked what I'm interpreting those words as negativity, you know. So having you to help her look at okay, let's spin that around and think about the positive side of this change is, you know, it's an interesting dynamic I think we talked about this in more than one episode where our brains immediately go to what could say go wrong as opposed to what could go right. Yeah, that's fascinating.
Speaker 3:Nancy, you were talking and saying something and you intrigued me with something you said and then my active listening ears turned off and I started thinking. But what it made me think of is like you mentioned something about growth when you were talking about your client and I was thinking originally, going into this topic, like what makes me want change right, no-transcript change that we can want. We've identified, maybe, areas of our life that we can use improvement or we're not completely fulfilled. There is external change in the form of opportunities, if you want to look at them as opportunities, things that we do have some influence over but maybe present themselves to us. It's not like coming from a feeling, but it's coming externally. Maybe you've attracted it or whatever the case is.
Speaker 3:You mentioned growth and I was like the more that I feel like I grow, the more my perspective changes. Maybe you did use the word perspective, but my perspective on life shifts a little bit. Then it's like I never feel like I reach a peak, even if I achieve a goal, which maybe because a lot of my goals are action goals but I never feel like I can just settle in and coast. It feels like the more that I do implement change and make adjustments in my life, the more I find opportunities to continue doing just that and keep building on it.
Speaker 2:That's cool, though, because I don't know what I feel, as you say that is. We are always evolving. We hope that we're continually shifting, changing, growing. Whatever that next thing is is going to be a little bit further out. We're going to see a new one. We do see things a little bit differently as we continue to grow, and then we want to keep evolving with that growth.
Speaker 3:I love that you're using the word growth. That actually really aligns with what I was saying, because as long as you are on a path of growth, you're always going to be needing to experience some type of change, right? If you're stagnant, then you're not experiencing growth. Then the book Man's Search for Meeting by Victor Frankel popped in my head, because he had identified that when people gave up hope, then they ended up not doing so. Well, we need to have something. Ultimately, we are most likely here for growth to expand our consciousness and learn and be present.
Speaker 1:Purpose-driven Purpose. It's interesting when I remember talking about this topic at one point in the past where it seems like the time in life when we truly, for most people not everyone, but for most people where we truly begin to think about change that we need to make a decision on is out of high school, maybe even out of college. That's where life really begins for a lot of people. Where we live, growing up, is decided for us by our parents or guardian. We wear, what we eat, what we do, for the most part, again as children, growing up is decided for us. We make some decisions based on our likes and dislikes, like do you want to play a sport or not, do you want to play a musical instrument or not, et cetera.
Speaker 1:A lot of that is trial and error. Kids like to dabble in different things, but again, for the most part and those aren't really hard decisions choosing a college is probably much harder today than it was back in my day. We have also a support system in place that at least help us with that decision, boy, once you're out of school. And now you're looking for a job and then more or less planning the rest of your life. My goodness, that's where really the rubber hits the road. That's where we are confronted oftentimes with serious change that requires serious consideration and decision making. It's just interesting that that's another like, say, life skill that we aren't taught as kids to really learn or think about the planning and the option to whatever All that goes along with making choices or difficult decisions around change that may occur.
Speaker 3:That's true. I feel like for a lot of people growing up, there are expectations set for the child. Yeah, I'm so hard to see.
Speaker 2:I'm so little stressed and anxiety on their part.
Speaker 2:What's funny, though? All that not funny, haha, but all that you were just talking about. Sure, it takes us through really such a short time in life. There is a lot of change in all those growing up years getting out of high school, choosing a college, completing college, getting jobs, getting into relationship in one way or another, commitments, and maybe changing a job. Then, all of a sudden, you're in this other place in life where you become more aware of different things from a different perspective, and then you think about I've had this job and every reason I took it was good, but do I like it? I've been in this relationship and every reason I got into it was good, but is it right for me? You know, the perspective is broadened, but the focus narrows almost.
Speaker 3:Well, hopefully, when you go into any type of change, there's some intention behind it, right. But with intention sometimes comes expectations, and once you get to a certain point, now you're assessing it from someone who has that lens of experience for that specific scenario, situation or circumstance, so you're able to process and perceive it completely differently. When it was a pipe dream, or it was something completely foreign, or maybe you doubted yourself that you would ever get there. So now that you have it's, maybe this isn't everything that I thought it would be, or maybe it is everything you thought it would be. But now you're a different person, you've changed and you've grown, and maybe this is not a good alignment or a good fit for you.
Speaker 3:Anymore but it doesn't mean it's bad, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, both can be true, I guess.
Speaker 3:So I know I'm going to ask this question eventually and I figure why not break it out right now? What about the philosophy of gratitude and being present and just appreciating what you have right? How does that play in the topic that we're talking of of change and growth? Because my black and white thinking is like well, I can have one thing where I'm like I'm trying to influence change in my life because I'm not happy about certain areas and part of me it's like well, if I meditate enough and I'm very present, I just appreciate everything that I have and I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about changing anything. I could just settle in in my life.
Speaker 3:No right, yeah.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. There's so much attached to the first three things. Just settling in infers, even just hearing it, the words and the tone infer that there's something missing. So if there's something missing, I think it's okay to assess what that is Like, even in a relationship. Right, you've been together for say, 15 years and all of a sudden it feels different because you have evolved, both of you have evolved. Things have changed environment, jobs, all those things that we've talked about and something feels different. If something's missing, it's okay to identify what's missing, or it should be.
Speaker 1:And if you're feeling different, in an uncomfortable way, say a negative way, then yeah, that certainly means something. I mean many people in relationships, as the years go on, become more passionate and more excited and more I'll use the word comfortable, but in a good way. In other words, wow, you really make me feel very comfortable around you and I trust you and that kind of thing. That's a good comfort. If they're starting, whether they change or the other person change, if it's a feeling like uh-oh, yeah, either something's missing or you, we seem to be going in different directions and you're taking away from my life, not adding to it, then yeah, that's something worth thinking about.
Speaker 1:And I think that kind of goes along with what, kevin, what you just shared and how, nancy, you interpreted it as the settling in thing is in life in general, oftentimes folks fear change because they think, because they're in a comfort zone, and they think, oh, if I change out of this, it might become worse, or I might go from the frying pan to the fire, I might make the wrong choice, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 1:But, boy, if we don't live life with a degree of risk or a degree of passion or excitement, that wow, what's around the corner could be really thrilling and make my life even better. And if I don't switch this, you know, go from what I'm doing, this job that isn't allowing me to advance or go further and take something else, I might not continue to climb the ladder. Life is a it should be a journey of continuous growth, and growth in all ways, whether it's learning more but also again climbing the ladder in terms of our professions, growing closer to the person in our relationships and really just feeling I have to say feeling, at least not necessarily every day, but a good portion of our ongoing time, with a feeling of sense and excitement of what's around the corner. Otherwise it doesn't. It reminds me of what you said about Victor Franco it feels like we're going more toward losing hope or hopelessness versus excitement. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Totally, totally, and I think also, going back to what Kevin said, you could I don't know, can you settle in, while being grateful if you're being really present? I mean, present is a whole another discussion like hard to really understand what that means, and when one is, it's like being in keto, it's like in ketosis. Anyone who's done keto like how do you freaking know when you're there you gotta pee on the strips Nancy, the ketone strips.
Speaker 2:Being really present and appreciating things. Settling in those things could tip the scale to the other side and settling in could leave you stuck. That could tip the scale as well and leave you stuck. And then those other things don't. They don't have the opportunity to operate at their fullest. So I don't think they. I think it's okay to evaluate and question and consider change. You might not even make it, but you might. That might bring the new perspective which allows you to feel grateful and present. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you guys have to say about change that's forced on us? Let's use that relationship example. If we're on the receiving end of a this just ain't working out, you may be the one that thinks everything is okay and the other person's like, nah, you know what, this isn't working out. Now you are more or less kind of forced to change. I mean, you kind of don't have a choice. But that can invite feelings and I don't know if it would be a different way to deal with that or manage that. What are your?
Speaker 2:thoughts. I mean I can think of multiple examples right now where that could apply and be good or bad. So I feel like it's totally situational. Sometimes I need change forced on me to open my mind, because I get running in a narrow path and someone has to knock me upside the head to really expand my awareness again. So I might need some forced change. But sometimes it pushes us over too and then that's too much and we can't function. So I think that's totally situational. Pop one on us, lou, and we'll talk about that a situation.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I mean, I didn't have anything in mind. It's just that, as we were talking about change, much of what we initially what we started with and talked about was change that we have, I'm gonna say, control over. Should I go left or right, Should I go forward or get off the highway? It's stuff that we need to make a decision on that. We are more or less control, which what the outcome may be, but sometimes change is forced upon us, COVID being one example of a big change that just uh-oh, there was a change in the whole way the world kind of was humming along and now we're forced to work from home, we're forced to do this or whatever, and it just it was very stressful.
Speaker 1:You know news reports of mental health challenges and you know a lot of things with that, and it obviously, I believe, a lot of the mental health challenges. Granted, many of them were also with children, and children sometimes lack the capacity or the level of knowledge and experience in order to understand and manage those things. But much of it could have been brought upon folks themselves because of that inability to manage that change or to respond to it or react to it.
Speaker 3:whatever the case may be, yeah, my initial thought when you asked that question is I think the way that we're able to either respond or react to change as it pops up in our lives because it happens daily, right, like things happen that are out of our control daily.
Speaker 3:How we respond or react, I think, is a choice, and what dictates that choice primarily for me is how much of a foundation I've built up for myself to be able to handle what life throws at me.
Speaker 3:So if I'm taking care of myself and I feel like I'm in a pretty good spot and some shit pops up that I didn't expect and it's bad, or what I would term as bad, I can handle it a lot easier than if I'm already in a bad place, not taking care of myself and I'm not vibing high, then it's like a complete catastrophe, whatever happens. So, with what you were saying, though, I feel like a lot of the things, most of the things that are out of our control, have to do with other people, right, like is there anything that is only involving us and nobody else that we don't have influence over? And so to me, that says like we are responsible for ourselves, regardless of what's going on out there, and like, yeah, things do happen and they suck, but we have control over certain things. We don't have control over other things.
Speaker 1:You know, it's kind of funny that I brought out the COVID thing but as an example. But one of the things about that that makes me kind of chuckle is before the there was, at least in my circles with a lot of people, I know a lot of man I wish I could work from home. I wish I could work from home. I wish I could work from home. I hate driving into the office every day, whatever. But the community, you know, it's one of those I wish.
Speaker 3:I could hey drive into the airport and I'm getting stuck in traffic on the way home.
Speaker 1:Probably. Yeah, getting stuck. And then all of a sudden we're forced to work and I was like, damn, I'm stuck at home. I hate this shit every day. I need to get out. It's like, okay, you know, I've always said anything in. Moderation is really the way to go anyway, but it's interesting how-.
Speaker 3:Well, that's all a matter of perspective, right, like, even with the COVID thing, it's a matter of perspective because different people handled it completely different than others and perceived it to be a completely different thing than other people did. So I think that whole thing is just a matter of perspective. And in that case it's like Well, maybe that's part of the growth thing Like, yeah, you wanted change, you wanted to work from home, and now you experience what that's like and you're lacking social interaction in person and you're realizing that that was a good thing. So kind of aligns with what we were talking about.
Speaker 2:Yet sometimes it's hard to understand, when we feel a need for something different, what is driving it and why we want it or need it, and what's right or wrong, and how do we deal with that spot.
Speaker 3:That's a really good question because, say, you are feeling shitty and your relationship's not going well, right, are you projecting something else onto your relationship that's causing stress in the relationship? Is it the relationship that's important?
Speaker 2:Same with your job, same with your job sometimes.
Speaker 3:Same with your job. What comes to mind for me with that is kind of like elimination, like a process of elimination, possibly Removing certain things or habits, probably not the person that you're with. Maybe you want to work on the relationship more than before you jump ship. Maybe not, but I think something like a relationship is a very big deal, right? That's a big life change. If you choose not to continue engaging in a close relationship with somebody else, maybe some simpler options to change or diet, sleep patterns, working out, meditation, quiet time, binaural beats, stuff like that, journaling Maybe journaling shit will come out right out of your hand. You even remember writing. No, those are some things that can be positive change but don't have to impact the big areas of your life necessarily.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just might and speaking of writing. Oops, sorry. Oh, I was going to say in terms of writing. Certainly, when it comes to change, a pro con list is oftentimes helpful.
Speaker 3:That's a good idea.
Speaker 2:But also sometimes just journaling. And this is another person I was working with recently and his daughter inspired him to journal. So he was doing it and he was just committing time to it but having no idea or intention of what he wanted to journal about. And in making time and journaling, this person was so inspired because things Like he said, things came off the page. I had no idea where they come from.
Speaker 2:But I've been carrying all of this and it just was so enlightening to him, so it's kind of cool Like just giving yourself time sometimes and giving yourself permission to do something without these limitations or restrictions and definitions gives us we need space. I think we need more space to live than we give ourselves.
Speaker 3:That's awesome. I had a similar experience, Like I like to go back and read some of my journal entries from years ago and I'll read things like or even more impactful is when I was doing poetry pretty consistently. Like I would go back a year or two later and read a poem from a while ago and I'm like I don't remember writing that at all. That's pretty damn good. Like.
Speaker 1:I enjoy it.
Speaker 3:I feel like a reader reading an author's work or something, but maybe that just tells you that it's helpful because you can get into a flow state with it, right? And I think that's why words are jumping off your pen or pencil that you're not even having to think about or process, like you're just in this flow state and it's just pouring out of you, which I think can have very positive impact on us.
Speaker 1:One of the things about journaling that I found is a benefit for me. We had a conversation about meditation. It could have been our last episode.
Speaker 3:Like every episode, Kevin you mentioned how-?
Speaker 1:yeah, pretty much everything, but you mentioned that somebody you know said that meditation wasn't working for her, or you read this somewhere.
Speaker 3:Oh, it was a podcast.
Speaker 1:Oh, a podcast. And it took either a little bit of concerted effort or something where she finally got there.
Speaker 3:Those Wim Hof breathing exercises.
Speaker 1:Breathing exercises.
Speaker 1:Ok, what I found with journaling is and it's not that that's something that has to be done a certain way and there isn't a wrong or a right, it's just spill stuff out.
Speaker 1:But because of the nature of my personality, when I was journaling I tended to want to make sure coherent sentences, structured content, like it read like a book. And I'm like man, this is actually stressing me out more than it should be because I'm trying to journal the right way. So I said you know, screw that, I'm just going to write and let it, and I don't even care if I remember like you, if I remember what I wrote when I read it later on or if I'm writing the same damn crap every single time I journal. But what I found is, when I did that, the greatest benefit I got is it took me out of the mindset or state I was in that was causing me angst and anxiety and simply having me think about something else and do something else. And it was just a calming exercise. I'm like you know, that's really the best thing about it.
Speaker 3:How many other things do you think you do in your life where you're putting that much subconscious pressure on yourself, Just like with trying to journal and it has to be perfect and you're like coming to this realization like it doesn't have to be. How much are we doing that to ourselves in our daily lives?
Speaker 2:Too much. Too much I mean we do it in emails, we write to others and work emails. We do it in things we say. It comes out in so many ways we're tripping over it. I think sometimes many people trip themselves up over it often and it becomes a thing that gets in our own way. So that's hard.
Speaker 1:And just like when we talk about working out and again, this is that time you want folks start to think about that. I'm going to start an exercise program or whatnot and again, start it today, don't wait till January 1st. But with an exercise program, oftentimes folks will say, ooh, when I started, I gotta make sure it's done the right way. I have to structure the exercises I'm going to do. It has to be a certain amount of time. I wanna follow the plans that the experts have and whatnot, whatever the case may be. And it's like you know what the same thing with meditation, journaling, working out just do something, start small, it could be just taking a walk around the block, whatever, and eventually a workup to something more sophisticated and structured and whatnot. But it's really and maybe that was my thing with journaling. Now that I say this, I'm almost like solving my own problem, as they say it is. Maybe the starting out caused me angst purely because I was trying to start out too much, too strong, too heavy.
Speaker 2:I think many people feel that Lou and I've talked with people who feel that and journaling they feel like, oh, I don't know if I can do it. And when we talk about ways to go about it and it could be a word a day or could just be bullet points, and they're like, really, yeah, just make it easy for yourself. Doesn't have to be an essay or a thesis paper.
Speaker 1:Oh God, just thinking about only putting a word or a couple of bullets is causing me angst right now.
Speaker 3:But yeah, you know what I?
Speaker 1:know if I was to do it.
Speaker 2:That's a good exercise for you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it would be.
Speaker 3:It almost feels like we've put pressure on ourselves to be experts at something right off the bat or trying to create change, when we don't know what that even means. Like working out. I thought was a great example and I can completely empathize with that scenario. Like I have to do it this way and I have to watch a bunch of videos and know exactly this, and it's like the actual action of doing it turned out to be completely different than what I thought it needed to be in the first place. Like why even stress or worry about it? Just go and try to make it your own. You know it all looks different for all of us anyways. Right, yeah?
Speaker 2:Just do it, mikey, and then yeah, oh wow, sponsor.
Speaker 1:Well, and now that we shared all this, that, I guess, speaks to the very part of change that people fear, or make some think it's difficult, is them thinking they need to be an expert at whatever change they're going to make.
Speaker 3:That is an awesome point. So we're just creating these challenges for ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So don't think about change as anything that needs to be heavy and sophisticated and involved and difficult. Take it Nancy mentioned this at the beginning something like Baby Steps just do a word a day, then a sentence later on with generally whatnot. So wow, oh yeah, okay, this was wow, not just, I hope, helpful for folks listening, but I know it's been helpful for me. So this is really one phone. This is an excellent topic and, I think, timely as well. I mean, change is a daily thing or it's not like it happens once a year with the changing of the year from 23 to 24, but again, timely in many ways. So, folks, we hope you enjoyed today's episode on change. We look forward to you joining us for our next one. Bye for now.